Tooth fencing
There’s a little bit of elder dog abuse going on in my house. Should I be worried that last night the only way Blue could get away from Bear was to run into the shower with me? And that Bear then followed him in, and suddenly what used to be a private, contemplative part of my evening was turned into a tooth fencing free-for-all?
Tooth fencing: bizarre ritual wherein two dogs bare their teeth, pretend to clack their teeth together, meanwhile making strange vocalizations that sound like arias. “I love you, you are so vicious.” “No, I love you, please pretend to want to kill me.” (Chorus:) “Ar, ar, arrr . . .”
All night long, the tooth fencing goes on. Every now and then Bear–10 months old, 81 pounds, please help us now–takes a break from fencing to suck Blue’s entire ear into his mouth and gnaw it like a rawhide, all the while making disgusting slurping sounds. Blue is constantly walking around the house with big floppy sodden ears like he’s just come through a car wash.
Last night I tried to capture some of the action on film, but every time Bear saw me lift the camera he stopped. This was the best I could do:
Notice the devil dog eyes. The paw holding Blue in place. Just moments before Bear had Blue’s lip between his teeth and was pulling on it while Blue screamed his hoarse, geriatric cry. Then before I could do anything, they were right back to tooth fencing and singing. I didn’t know whether to intervene or excuse myself.
And by the way, the baby bird score remains at Blue, 0, Robin several. Poor, poor Blue.
May 8th, 2006 at 11:59 am
Might I suggest a Bear Muzzle? Cage Time? Frequent time-outs? If you can’t control this now, what are you gonna do when Bear is bigger and heavier and even more into becoming the Alpha Male???
Oh, and though this hasn’t been tested on other breeds, Weims, Dalmatians and Cattledogs (all rather rambunctious and willful breeds) respond to well-placed spray bottle squirts in the face on “stream” quite well. It makes them stop whatever they’re doing and run the other direction. Great Behavior Modification Tool. Though it does look rather odd to company when they walk through your house and see a spray bottle on every available horizontal surface in every room . . .
May 23rd, 2006 at 3:09 pm
BJ, you are WAY more hard-core than I am. I subscribe to the philosophy I saw in the comic strip Non Sequitur a while ago. It was a drawing of a courtroom, with a puppy up on the witness stand, wagging his tail. The judge is reading the verdict: “The jury finds you precious and adorable, no matter how many rugs you’ve ruined.” The caption reads: “How every trial ends in puppy court.”
‘Nuff said.