And then the woman went down in dairy
Okay, here’s what just happened:
I was grocery shopping at Safeway. I’m in the dairy aisle, minding my own business, when I look over and see this elderly couple. The man is supporting his wife, and asking her, “Are you having a seizure?”
I go over and help him help her down onto the floor. I whip out my cell phone and dial 911, because that’s what we do, right?
A very nice gentleman donates his coat as a pillow. I’m talking to the woman, asking her age for the dispatcher (73), asking all these other questions about her health history, and meanwhile the husband is just glaring at me.
The store manager shows up, and is obviously not thrilled about having a woman lying in the middle of the floor in dairy. I ask him several times if he has a blanket or something else warm, because this is a frail old woman lying on a cold floor, but the manager keeps blowing me off, and meanwhile tells his employee to go get a motorized cart. Which the husband is all hepped about, too, because he’s mumbling things like, “I shouldn’t have let you come out today. You need to exercise more–that’s why your legs are so weak. She’s fine–I just want to put her in the car.”
And meanwhile the 911 dispatcher is asking me more and more questions–does she have diabetes? History of heart trouble? History of seizures? So I decide rather than keep acting as the go-between, I should just hand the phone to the husband.
He backs away and holds his palms up. “I didn’t call them–you did.”
Okaaaay.
So then I ask the woman if she feels able to talk, and she does, so she and the dispatcher continue on their own.
Meanwhile the motorized cart has shown up, and the manager is saying, “Ma’am? Are you feeling better? Do you think you could get on the cart now?”
And the husband is saying to me, “I don’t know why you interfered. I’m taking her home now.”
And I’m saying, “Sir, I’m not comfortable with that. Let’s just wait for the paramedics.”
Time for the knight in shining armor.
A woman nearby notices that pushing his cart in the freezer section is an actual fireman, wearing his work shirt work badge and everything. She motions him over.
He starts asking the patient the same questions–history, etc.–while the husband is muttering, “I’m just going to get her to the car. There’s nothing wrong with her. I don’t know why this woman called 911.”
The fireman and I exchange a look. The fireman asks the patient if she feels she can sit up now. He and the husband help her up, but it’s clear she’s very weak and dizzy.
Manager is so happy to see her getting off the floor.
Man who lent the coat whispers to me, “What’s with the husband?” I shrug.
So fireman and husband manage to load the woman onto the motorized cart, but fireman is taking his time. I don’t realize until later that he’s intentionally stalling.
And finally, the paramedics arrive. Hurray!
I catch up with fireman, and tell him I’ve got some medical training–that whole Wilderness First Responder thing–but I’m not used to using my skills in a grocery store. I tell him where I came into the story–hearing the words, “Are you having a seizure?” and helping the woman onto the floor. I ask him if I was supposed to do anything differently than I did.
He says I did the right thing. It doesn’t matter what the husband wants–if the wife is lucid and wants help, I should give her help. I was right to call 911. And I was right not to just turn the woman over to her husband without having the paramedics check her out first.
“That’s why I was stalling,” the fireman told me. “I wasn’t really going to let him take her. I knew the ambulance would be there soon, and I just wanted to keep the husband happy while we waited.”
He said he wouldn’t have been able to just put the woman in her car and send her home without first writing up a whole report of the incident. So it was easier for him to just hand her over to the paramedics, who could do their own evaluation and write their own report. I mean, the guy was just in the store to buy a few groceries–he wasn’t planning on making a work date out of it.
So there you have it. Life happens, even when you’re just shopping for milk.
It’s sort of amazing how shaken I felt afterward. It was the husband who got to me. He was so incredibly hostile, and so clearly over his wife having problems. He just didn’t want to be bothered.
The wife even said to me, “He says I should exercise more. I’m too weak.”
Yeah, and the husband probably tells you a lot of things, honey. Your husband is a d***. I’m not used to dealing with angry old men. I’d prefer to limit my exposure to that, thank you.
Anyway, that’s my story for the day. Now I’m going to go catch up on some Jane Austen flicks from PBS. I need a little period drama to take me away from modern drama at Safeway.
Technorati Tags: Medical Emergencies and the Husbands Who Are Annoyed By Them
January 29th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
YUCK.
BFF, definitely watch some Austen and see what men with MANNERS and polish can be like.
Eew. Hostile Old Guys. I’m so glad you’re a stubborn kind of girl. Yay for you for not being pushed around. Maybe someday the wife will remember that and tell him to go take a walk (a flying leap) if he feels someone needs to exercise.
YUCK.
Man, I’m hostile now.
January 29th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
TadMack, you know I always love to see you on the blog.
Thanks for the solidarity.
January 29th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Wow. That’s horrible, and I see why you’re so shaken–you think you’re doing the right thing, and then someone is actively hostile to your kindness and tries to make you feel like a fool for helping. Good for you for staying strong and seeking backup.
On the lighter side, if this were a murder-mystery-romance, that old man would be trying to KILL his wife, and you would save her and wind up with that nice fireman.
January 29th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Good thinking, Sara–there’s a story in everything. Although the weird thing about the nice fireman is the whole time I was talking to him afterward, he wouldn’t look me in the eye–kept his gaze somewhere over my head and off to the right.
Not everybody is comfortable talking to strangers, I guess. But that guy was cool and very kind, and I’m happy he’s out there doing that job.
January 29th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
We are what we do (and in his case, what we say.)
I’ve been around my fair share of the angry elderly. I feel your pain, minus the milk.
January 29th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Thanks, Heather. Sorry about the angry elderly in your case, too.
By the way, someone just asked me off-line whether maybe the guy was worried it was going to cost him money? The dispatcher specifically told me to tell the guy that it was free. That didn’t make him any happier.
January 29th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
That’s horrible! I’m glad you were there to help the woman.
January 29th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
What a jerk. I hope she is okay. You and the others who helped her are to be applauded.
January 29th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Thanks, Erin. Nice to see you on the blog!
And thank you, too, Little Willow. Where are all of you when I need you? It would be so much more fun if we could hang around in packs.
January 29th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Wow, I can’t believe that actually happened! What a horrible husband and what on earth was the manager thinking? How could it hurt the store to have a sick person there? Surely it would only help sales if people thought the shop had nice staff? I hope that poor woman was OK. Congrats on being able to keep your cool throughout, Robin.
January 29th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Not that it’s a justification, but my initial reaction is that the husband was getting defensive over not being in control. Same instinct that prevents guys from asking for directions — asking for (or in this case, merely accepting) help may be an admission of helplessness, a condition that I would suspect increases with advancing age (and infirmity).
Take comfort in the fact that — though the man will likely never acknowledge it — he really did need your help. (And the wife certainly did.)
As for the fireman… I postulate that he was merely smitten with you, but didn’t think it appropriate to pursue it under the circumstances. So he avoided eye contact, knowing that it was the only way he could maintain his professional demeanor. How’s that sound?
January 29th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Bill, I’m afraid Sara got us off on a funny, but highly inaccurate track there. I exude Happily Married Woman, especially when I’m grocery shopping and buying disgusting creamed herring for the man I love–what greater mark of devotion could there be? So I’m sure the fireman had other thoughts on his mind, like “Why is this woman talking to me, when I could be out there posing for firemen calendars?” But thanks, anyway.
And thanks for your perspective on what the husband might have been up to. I hadn’t thought of that. But really, if you’d seen his face when he refused to talk to 911 and said, “You’re the one who called them,” you might not be so charitable. But overall you’re right–judge not, lest ye be judged.
Emma, that’s a good point about how the staff could have looked like heroes. I think the manager was just freaked–probably thinking, “Why did this have to happen on my watch?” I can sympathize with that. But still, could you get the poor old woman a blanket? Even if it’s a burlap sack from storage?
January 29th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
I had a similar incident happen to me back in my bookstore days-fortunately,the husband was a decent guy and actually showed concern for his wife who had passed out(she was a diabetic who hadn’t eaten enough that day).
The lady was the one in that case who really didn’t want to wait for the paramedics but I and a nurse who just happened to have been shopping in the store that day insisted that she hold on,just to be on the safe side.
I agree that the manager should’ve been a tad more helpful-some folks are useless in a crisis. I was the one who called 911 and had to tell my rubbernecking co-worker to go get a chair for the lady to sit on(we had a stool upstairs but I was worried that she might topple off of that).
You did the right thing,Robin and you should be proud that you did. That stupid jerk of a husband was mostly likely embarrassed about his wife “causing such a fuss”(dealt with way too many Angry Elderly men and women in my time)in public and his method of dealing with his wife’s health concerns is to go into denial mode. Ten to one,when something is wrong with him,the whole world has to stop still and attend his needs….GRRR,ARGGH!
Ok,rant over:) Enjoy your Jane Austen movies(even the not so good Mansfield Park one)
January 29th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Wow, what a story–in the post and in the comments–Robin. Glad you were there to help.
Also, man’s reaction made me wonder if there was something to hide. Drinking? Messy home? Someone thinks they’re not capable of living on their own anymore and is threatening Right of Attorney (happens lot to the old folk, you know)…
Okay, going back to my crime novel now…
January 29th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Way to be brave, Robin–it was right to help and right to call 911. Who knows what the backstory is with that couple, but I do know that denial can be a powerful thing. A therapist friend says that we need a certain amount of denial to get through our daily lives, which I can see, but sometimes it causes people to make really bad decisions. That’s the most charitable explanation I can come up with.
I’d still be upset about it, too. Of course, I seem to have used up my tolerance for medical emergencies. A kid fell and got a cut on her lip in the Children’s Room a couple weeks ago, and I totally helped (got paper towels and ice and whatnot), but I shook for about an hour after.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Definitely an incident that would give me the shakes. You put yourself out there, which isn’t easy to begin with, only to be met with that kind of reaction. Sorry it was so nerve-wracking, but it’s good to know there are people in the world who will see something like that and take action. I hope that if I ever have a crisis in public, someone will offer help rather than turning away or, worse, standing there staring.
January 29th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
I used to work for AmeriCorps for a elderly assistance program. I came to a house one day to find my client lying on his bed, blue in the face. I called my supervisor because I wasn’t sure what the house’s address was. She called 911 and when the paramedics arrived, they pronounced him dead. I waited with my supervisor while the coroner and police showed up and later, the family. I was fortunate in that the family and my supervisor praised my calm demeanor and quick action. It is an experience I NEVER wish to repeat though.
Kudos to you Robin for doing what’s right even when others don’t appreciate it.
January 29th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
WOW exiting! and scary! Luckly nothing like that has never happend to me! xD But I thinkk it’s sooo odd about the old man wouldn’t he want to help his wife who’s like in pain? hello?! XD anyways good job! Robin Brande Saving old lady’s and dealing with old men…. one grocery store at a time…
January 30th, 2008 at 12:43 am
Here I am, very late! Robin, I’ve called 9-1-1 before where the person in question wasn’t very happy about it, but he was clearly in no condition to go anywhere (though he tried to, and walked out into oncoming traffic). I’ve never had to deal with the accompanying person being hostile, though, and it was brave of you to keep it together and do what you knew what was right. I’m sure the husband was mightily peeved at having so much attention gravitating toward his wife and him, and I feel for him (in some ways)–but tough toenails. You did the right thing for his wife, and he can just deal.
January 30th, 2008 at 12:50 am
Good for you, Robin - and hope the shock has worn off by now! I’d buy his being all Mr Denial in the face of genuine concern except for the wife’s saying - from the floor! - “he says I should exercise more”. I was in a marriage like that once… The fact that she admitted she needed help pretty well says everything about how rotten she felt - around here at least, older women are a b*tch for saying “No, no, I’m fine - please don’t bother!” while bleeding to death and simultaneously trying not to make a mess.
January 30th, 2008 at 9:04 am
I’m curious as to what the woman’s actual medical problem was. Was that ever determined?
My partner is diabetic, and I frequently tell him he should exercise more. And lose weight.
I’m obviously not going with the majority here, but if someone has a medical condition and is not dealing with it, it becomes annoying.
However, in the case of emergency I would ALWAYS get him the help he needs.
January 30th, 2008 at 9:35 am
Yeah, Janet, that’s what I was kind of sensing–that the husband was thoroughly sick and tired of the wife’s bad health. But you’re right: in case of emergency, step up. Nag the person later.
Lady S, sorry you were married to a pig. No wonder you knit those Mrs. Darcy sweaters! Seriously, though, I know what you mean about the women too afraid to make a fuss even as they’re bleeding all over the place. They need advocates.
Alkelda, I’m glad to know I’m not the only buttinsky. Sounds like you did that guy a big favor.
Dylan, *snicker.*
Katie Sis, wow–that’s a big one. I’m so impressed you could be calm in a situation like that–I’m sure it must have hit you hard afterward, when you weren’t required to do anything anymore. It’s amazing how autopilot can take over when under stress.
Kelley, I agree with you: I hope if I’m ever having trouble, someone will step in instead of just watching. But we’re such group creatures–if no one else does anything, often people will just stand around and stare until someone breaks the trance.
Adrienne, way to come to the kid’s rescue! Blood = not so much fun. And I’m sure the kid’s screaming didn’t help you stay very calm. Way to step up!
Kelly, first of all, I’m always happy to read that you’re working on your book! Second, interesting theory–you never know what lurks in people’s private lives. (Which is why we write novels, eh? So much juicy material out there.)
Lady T, good job helping that woman in your store. And I have to laugh at your point about how the world must stop if the husband were feeling ill–there’s a lot of truth to that! (Not in all cases, but I’m sure we can all think of examples.)
Thanks for all your stories, everyone! So interesting to hear about.
January 30th, 2008 at 9:41 am
I would think that anyone who has had first aid training would have been as concerned as you were.
Not that I am excusing them but 2 thoughts. The manager could have been worried about consequences to his store-suing etc. But still -burnt toast award to him.
The husband could have been worried about insurance costs-so many elderly are on limited budgets. He could have wanted not to have help-stubbornness. I am glad he is not my husband-of course with that kind of treatment he would n’t have lasted long with me.;)
Kudos to you for helping someone less able.
January 30th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Well, you totally did the right thing, and that old man has some problems I hope he can come to terms with before he ends up killing his poor wife.
January 30th, 2008 at 11:15 am
XP Silly Robin! lol
January 30th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
Honestly, the kid got over it faster than I did.
January 30th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
I think you were wonderful to go over to help. I bet there were a lot of folks who turned their carts in the other direction and headed for the checkout.
January 31st, 2008 at 9:57 am
Good for you, Robin! And this is exactly why I know you would never be the person who blindly increases the electric shock because someone tells you to–if you remember your concern about that one.
And I agree with Camille, most people probably would get out of the way as fast as they could.
February 3rd, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Late commenting on this one (catching up on blog posts this weekend!) but I completely agree–good for you, Robin, especially for your grace under pressure with the husband and the store manager, and for doing what’s right. What a stressful incident!