Attention weekend survivalists
I can totally relate to what Patrick is talking about. I have this weird need to learn obscure survival skills. I know how to make fire by rubbing (actually, whirling) two sticks together. I can set a broken leg with branches and a fleece coat. I learned what to do if someone I’m hiking with impales himself with his ice ax. It doesn’t matter that I’m never hiking anywhere where I actually use an ice ax. The key here is to have the skill.
Do you pride yourself on some hands-on ability you have? Can you make furniture, preserve your own jam, deliver a litter of kittens? Don’t tell me, tell Patrick. Go over to his blog and fill it up. The guy has given us plenty of entertainment commenting on this blog, and now it’s time to show the love.
Technorati Tags: Survival Skills, Survivalists, Home Canning, Fire Making, Wilderness First Aid
September 12th, 2006 at 9:55 pm
patrick, fyi i have posted several times on your blog–however i am evidently not bright enough to crack the code to get them in print. if you are able to retrieve them from the cyber-eternity of moderation in which they have been entombed you will find they are even wittier and more insightful then my comments that find their way to the brande blog (i know, collective gasp–how can that be–you’ll just have to trust me). so although i understand this is no doubt your fire-wall against the unwashed masses like myself that attended public school (if ya can’t figure it out ya can’t play), i’m sure there are many more of us waiting to be admitted to the patiscool clique–just tell us how, let us in.
okay, enough about you–this whole survivalist thing resonates with me. i never “got” it before, however i now find myself in a perfect storm of survivalist realization and self actualization and, again, trust me, it doesn’t have anything to do with rubbin’ sticks together.
as some of you know i am working my way through three seasons of the reality tv show “24.” it follows average los angeles ctu agents through their often mundane, typical day combating the forces of evil. concurrently with this unhealthy obsession i’ve been doing a “performance challenge” at my gym. i’m dyin’ to use my new found physical strength, first to ski some bad-a**ed mountain and second to take someone down, ya know just take ‘em. i want someone to jump me. a smallish person. i don’t want to hurt them (and god knows i don’t want them to hurt me) i just want to see if i can, ya know, take ‘em. i’m on a state of heightened alert and have warned family and friends against any sudden movements in my presence–my daughter startled me last weekend on her return from a starbucks run–my reaction was instinctive–”put the double shot latte on the kitchen counter top, NOW, hands on your head where i can see them, back away, slowly, i said SLOWLY!”– then i cuffed her.
as i do my crunches and squats i find myself estimating just how long i could hold the zip line while traversing the pirana infested waters of the amazon. and then, how long if i had to do it one-handed because i’m carrying my injured partner over my shoulder, we had to shoot our way out–i have to let him go, i have no choice, i have to make it back. i must deliver the vial of antitoxin that can only be extracted from the tears of an almost (well, now) extinct jungle frog to nhs. only two such frogs were known to exist, one died in the course of our inflicting enough pain to make it cry (i’ve got nothing but respect for that frog), the other, looking on, committed suicide. it is the only hope to save millions of americans from the devastating disease unleashed by the serbian/russian/columbian bio-terrorists. a disease with an incubation period of 38 minutes, that spreads by uttering or hearing the phrase “its like ya know”–a disease that makes ebola look like a hang nail.
i’m exhausted. so while robin and patrick are busy ice fishing with a bent bobbi pin and length of yarn pulled from a sweater or seeking protection from a blizzard in the entrails of a caribou snared with rope woven from the bark of the icelandic willow, i continue to do my boy push- ups and leg presses, waiting for the call to serve.
September 13th, 2006 at 6:41 am
WOW, Annette. You (or at least your fantasy persona) are one kickass babe! I may have to sponsor an offshoot blog about your obsessive fascination with “24.”
And I appreciate you serving as an example to all of us not to get hooked on that show. Obviously it’s too great to miss, which is why I can’t risk watching even a second of it.
Carry on, soldier.
September 13th, 2006 at 2:10 pm
Hmmm… That’s a little different than attempting to power a small village using a self-contained stirling engine and a bunch of mirrors. Or staining a bookshelf for that matter.
It should be noted (but don’t tell annette) that ‘24′ is actually NOT a reality show. It’s completely made up by - who are those people? oh yeah. Writers! Jack Bauer isn’t a real person. He’s actually portrayed by a person named Heifer Sutherland. But again, don’t tell annette.
Annette - I’m sorry. I don’t know why those blog posts aren’t coming through. I do have moderation posts turned on, so I have had 1 spam post that I did not put out there, but other than that, they aren’t making it to where I see them.
You can always email them to me at “This_is_From_Annette_To_Patrick@_No_Spam_PatIsCool.Org” taking out the “_No_Spam_”
And thank you for the story of the last days of the Atelopus cruciger - Rancho Grande harlequin frog. They are missed.
In regards to a smallish person jumping you - how tall are you? I high-jumped 5′10″ in high school track. Although, a previous debate declared me ‘medium’ I believe.
September 13th, 2006 at 2:54 pm
patrick, patrick, patrick–
kiefer (i refuse to take the bait)sutherland, is his cover. jack bauer isn’t even his real name. ever since his dna was altered, his dental records purged and his fingertips planed, he has only a number. next, are you going to tell us james bond isn’t real?–and i used to think you were smart, geezh.
September 13th, 2006 at 4:28 pm
You do realize that both ‘24′ and James Bond are re-tellings of some of my more entertaining missions, right?
I’d like to announce the upcoming annette jumping contest, October 17th in Sedona, AZ
Anyone else going to be there?