Bad Boss Luncheon
I had no idea yesterday’s lunch outing with my two women lawyer friends would turn into a rehash of our favorite worst boss stories, but there it was.
The real horror stories happen when you’re just a wee little associate, first starting out. The truly bad bosses will take advantage of that. Instead of tutoring you, nurturing your talent, they throw you to the jackals.
They assign you the doggiest of the dog cases. They scream at you when you can’t win them. One of my friends didn’t realize what was happening until a judge said to her after a hearing, “You tell your boss next time he has a loser motion like this one to have the guts to come argue it himself instead of always sending you.”
One boss made sure to open my friend’s door so everyone else in the office could hear him shout at her, “You’re a fraud! I don’t know how you even passed the Bar! You’ll never make it as a lawyer!” (FYI, she did make it, and became a VERY successful one at that. Sucka.)
My boss decided right after I quit the firm that from then on ours would be a kissing relationship. It never had been before, so where he got that idea is a complete mystery to me. Every time I saw him downtown, he’d come over try to kiss me on the lips, even if I was in my serious trial lawyer suit and walking with clients. (And trust me, there is no kissing anyone once you put on your serious trial lawyer suit.)
My favorite story about him is the one I heard from my former co-worker, Ed. Ed was at a law seminar, talking to some woman during the break. Ed saw Bad Boss coming toward them. Suddenly the woman yelped. Bad Boss had grabbed a chunk of her behind. The woman whipped around, horrified, and Bad Boss said, “Oh, I thought you were Robin.”
EXCUSE ME???!!!!
No apology, no nothing. He just went about his business like nothing was amiss.
Oh, believe me, I could go on and on. Lawyering–especially associate lawyering–is not for the meek. You either learn to take it and dish it back (which one of my luncheon pals learned to do almost too well–these days she can scorch the hair right off your arms once she gets going), or you say, like my other friend and I did, “I’d be crazy to keep getting up every morning for this.” I admire attorneys who don’t take any of it personally–not the fighting, not the bullying, not the losing or the winning–it’s just what they do for work. Then they go home and plant flowers and play with puppies. I was never that way. It was all deathly personal to me. Which is why I now get to write fiction for a living while the rest of my law school classmates still toil in the mines.
But enough about us. Your turn. What bad boss stories would you like to add to the mix? Shock us if you can.
Technorati Tags: Lawyers, Attorneys, Law, Law Practice, Employers, Bosses, Bad Bosses
September 22nd, 2006 at 6:59 am
Ohhhhh… I have many many many bad boss stories. I could go on for hours about my bad boss stories. And I’m not nor have I ever been a lawyer.
(tho, I always wanted to play one on tv.)
I worked for one woman who had 7 people on her team. She used her two favourites as spies who would sneak onto our computers when we stepped away to the loo to read our emails and see what we were working on and got mad when we locked our computers as per company policy to keep them from nosing (tho, I found out later that she was blind-cc’d on all of our incoming and outgoing emails). She would disappear for hours at a time (usually into her office with the favourites so they could gossip, emerging half an hour before end of day with several hours of work that absolutely had to be done that day).
Out of the five remaining, four of us were on anti-depressants, two on suicide watch. It was such a horribly toxic environment…I’ve blocked out most of the nastiness and rudeness and complete and total idiocy of that company.
They ended my contract early, and it was one of the best things that could have happened to me.
September 22nd, 2006 at 7:29 am
I had been having pain, numbness, and tingling in my arm for about six months, to the point that I was wearing special padded braces on my elbow and gobbling Advil like candy. Finally, the doctors figured out what was wrong with me and scheduled me for surgery; I would be out of work for a month recuperating.
I told my boss; she was sympathetic. Then, together, we went to tell HER boss, who looked at me incredulously and said, “A month? That doesn’t sound right. You better have something in writing from him.”
Um, OK. Thanks for the concern…
(This is the same guy who, when my grandmother died, complained that my going to the funeral was going to disrupt some work plans, to which I responded, “I’m terribly sorry her death is so inconvenient for you.”)
September 22nd, 2006 at 8:12 am
Sorry for both of your pain, but those are some good stories.
September 22nd, 2006 at 8:58 am
My boss was a red-headed, well-groomed woman who sould smile as she handed you your bohiney.
We called her the red demon.
September 22nd, 2006 at 9:00 am
That would be could, not sould.
My three year old is “helping” me type.
September 22nd, 2006 at 11:37 am
I’ve got two stories. Many years ago I went for my “character interview” for the NY bar. I drove 45 minutes in a snowstorm to be interviewed by a nearly 90 year old lawyer who spent the next 45 minutes telling me why women never will make good lawyers, how a pretty young thing like me should be staying home and making babies like women were meant for and all I was going to do was work for a law firm until I could find a lawyer husband thereby wasting my education and preventing from deserving male lawyer from having my undeserved job. I smiled and said thanks for the advice and never worked for another law firm again. A few years later I had a female psychologist as a boss and since I was hired by her boss, the first time she laid eyes on me was my first day at work-it was hate at first sight. She hated everything about me and spent countless hours belittling my clothes, my work, even how I closed my office door. Whenever I would respond she would analyze my inappropriate and inadequate defenses (that’s shrink talk). I quit and that was my last job as a psychologist. I’ve worked for myself ever since and I love my boss. Sure she is crabby and demanding sometimes, but overall she is a nice person.
September 22nd, 2006 at 12:03 pm
Deborah, you prove what may come as a shock to many: Yes, some lawyers are actually sons of b*tches. But who knew some psychologists were, too?
Heather: the red demon? Heh. Might make a good graphic novel/employee manual.
September 22nd, 2006 at 12:05 pm
I had a boss tell me “You don’t know who you are messing with, you don’t know how powerful I am.”
I have a couple of good stories about how evil and moronic this guy was. He was the main reason I left my last company. But now I feel bad because I heard that he had a stroke last week.
But I totally agree with the personal/ business thing. This guy actually called me up the day after ripping me an undeserved new one to tell me that it was a business rip and to not take it personally. That was my fourth week working for him and the day after I had met him in person for the first time. It was a long two years from there.
September 22nd, 2006 at 12:35 pm
My worst boss stories were from when I was very young and working part time while in school. Most of those jobs were waitressing or other menial type jobs. Most were for lech bosses. I usually ended up leaving pretty spectacularly. It’s a habit of mine which goes far to explain why I’ve been self employed most of my working life.
The most fun “take this job and shove it” moment was when, in the dining room, in front of a table full of his best customers, I threw a pizza at the current boss lech (in his 60’s and gross) and screamed at him, “You won’t EVER grab this jailbait ass again.” and walked out.
Funny, he closed down around 4 months later. No, I don’t know why, but it was sure fun speculating.
September 22nd, 2006 at 12:57 pm
my worst boss wasn’t mean or inappropriate or hard to get along with–he was just the most disorganized person on the face of the earth–his office looked like a dumpster, no drafts were ever pitched, no mail was ever filed, because he “was just going to get to it”. an inordinate amount of each workday was spent with the entire office in a twist trying to locate documents. i can’t tell you how many times i’d have to call a customer’s office in japan, germany, where ever, asking them to send me a copy of the billion dollar, zillion page contract we had sent them–so embarrassing.
September 22nd, 2006 at 8:16 pm
BJ, someone actually thought he could get away with grabbing your jailbait butt? I think it’s even more shocking that that guy still has use of his hands.
Patrick, I had no idea you were such a sensitive guy. Thanks for admitting that you, too, take business personally. Nice of your boss to call you at home, huh? Like setting your head on fire and then saying, “Hey, it’s just a business decision.”
And Annette, that boss sounds annoying, but come on–I know you’ve got a juicier tale out there. Spill it.
September 22nd, 2006 at 11:23 pm
During high school I worked at an organization with a small, wonderful staff, but the most god-awful boss ever. She was SO MEAN, and told us how much she loathed us to our faces.
Most of the time we only had two or three people on staff, but she would come in and order us to do the work of 4 or 5 people (often tough manual labor) and then scream about why nothing she asked for was getting done. She refused to call an electrician to get all the electricity grounded, despite weekly electrocutions (mostly minor, occasionally major), and she refused to call an exterminator when a giant hive of bees started living in the very top of a wall behind the building, forcing the staff to find a creative way of exploding cans of Raid 20 feet in the air (it involved a pole, duct tape, and a loooong piece of twine…and lots of running).
The worst of all was I worked there for over a year and was never given a raise, despite having been promised one multiple times. Once, during a staff meeting, she promised me a raise in front of everyone, and then when we all asked her why I still hadn’t gotten one a month later, she told us we had ALL misunderstood what she had said.
And like I said in the beginning, she was just all-around mean. Hands down the most unhappy, mean, exploitative, depressed person I’ve ever met. I truly hope she finds whatever it is she’s missing in her life AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, because she’s spreading bad karma as we speak! It’s like she’s carpet bombing! Duck and cover! DUCK AND COVER!!!
/rant
September 23rd, 2006 at 6:47 am
Wowwwww, Lizzie.
September 23rd, 2006 at 9:27 am
I’m a very sensitive person! I had one boss who made me cry every day at work.
I couldn’t take it, so, I married her.
Speaking of high school evil - My high school newspaper teacher wouldn’t let me put “pineapple slices” in a top ten list because of the obvious sexual connotations. To this day, I am still trying to determine WHAT the sexual connotations of pinaeapple slices are.
September 23rd, 2006 at 9:43 am
Oh come on, pineapple slices are so OBVIOUS.
Seriously, I don’t get it, either. Can anyone help us here?
September 23rd, 2006 at 10:06 am
Oh, for God’s sake, people! “Pineapple slices?” It’s obvious to anyone with a brain! Stop being so obtuse!
“Pineapple slices” is, infamously, an anagram for “call pipe penises.” Duh.
September 23rd, 2006 at 11:17 am
I’m so embarrassed. How could I not see that?
September 23rd, 2006 at 11:28 am
barry, maybe it’s a regional thing, but where i grew up it was “lap ice nipples”–we were SO naughty.
September 23rd, 2006 at 12:44 pm
Wash your mouth out, Annette! Horrors!
September 23rd, 2006 at 3:43 pm
Manager told me I would get training to write a computer code, but there was no training and I couldn’t figure out the code so I was demoted. The manager was unqualified for his job and the director said to me,” if you tell anyone how you were demoted I will kick your ass.” One day I submitted my opinion to my manager in writing in which I was correct and he said to me, “What the f__ is this, did I ever f__ you over.” He worked in IT operations for three months and I worked there for thirty six years.
September 23rd, 2006 at 7:36 pm
Thanks for the story, Donald! Love it when mean people get their comeuppance.