Bar Mitzvah to bikinis
Yesterday I had the pleasure of attending a Bar and Bat Mitzvah for four 18-year-olds. My friend Amy Hirshberg Lederman (who, by the way, just won the Rockower Award, which is the Jewish version of the Pulitzer–yowza, Amy! Smokin’!) taught a year-long class in Judaism at our local university, and the culmination was these college students having the Bar Mitzvahs they never had when they were 13. All of them came from half-Jewish, half-other (I think mostly Catholic) households, and decided for themselves in their young adulthoods to fully commit to Judaism. Very cool.
The ceremony was the best Bar Mitzvah I’ve ever been to, in part because Amy taught us about the ceremony as we went along so that no one would feel lost or left out. She told me right before the event that about half the crowd was non-Jewish like me, so I know I wasn’t the only one who appreciated seeing all the translations printed in the program so we could follow along in English while those in the know chanted and sang in Hebrew.
The other thing I loved about it was that the program had all these great quotations in it–I love a good quote to stick on my wall. My favorite was by Rabbi Harold Kushner and Rabbi Jack Reimer. Here’s a portion:
“[W]hat does it mean to ‘hear’?
The person who attends a concert
While thinking of other matters,
Hears–but does not really hear.
The person who walks amid the songs of birds
Thinking only of what will be served for dinner,
Hears–but does not really hear.
The person who listens to the words of a friend,
Or mate, or child,
And does not catch the note of urgency:
‘Notice me, help me, care about me,’
Hears–but does not really hear. . . .”*
Man, do those guys know my schtick. Most of the time I’ve got one ear trained on one thing, and the other trained on another. I feel like I’m always having to remind myself to give my attention to just one thing at a time–talk on the phone without checking my e-mail at the same time, etc. All these ways we pretend we’re being efficient, when really we’re just half-assing everything because nothing gets our full and honest attention.
Plus, check out the paragraph that comes after the stuff above:
“The person who stifles the sound of conscience
Saying, ‘I have done enough already,’
Hears–but does not really hear. . . .”*
Gulp. A lot of us might see ourselves there. Maybe not all the time, but certainly some of the time, right? The problems of the world just seem so insurmountable some days. But I know we have to keep going, keep doing what we can, even if it feels so small. It’s worth remembering that even a small improvement in the world or in the lives of others is better than none at all. So keep recycling, keep being friendly to cashiers, keep letting people merge in front of you in traffic, keep raising your children to be nice people. Just do your part, I’ll do mine, and let’s all trust that the accumulation will matter.
It’s like Jon Stewart was saying in his interview with Bill Moyers on Friday night: Jon’s skill is humor. That’s his talent. So he will use humor to shed light on the various outrages he sees going on out there, and other people should use their skills and talents to make the changes they can. Sounds good to me.
So anyway, there I was, sharing this lovely, spiritual experience with a room full of family and friends and other supporters, and since the ceremony took place on the university campus, regular life was still going on outside.
Which is why when I walked out of the building, the first thing I saw was a parade of young college women in bikinis, some of them carrying six packs, many of them in high heels, all of them strolling off to some important ceremony of their own that apparently required booze and very little clothing.
Had to laugh at that. The contrast was just too weird.
Not knocking the girls in bikinis–I’m sure they were using their Saturday just the way they wanted to–but it was still sort of a shock to the eyes. Especially after having spent the last couple of hours with equally-beautiful young women wearing lace on their heads and shawls over their shoulders, smiling so proudly as they chanted from the Torah.
Anyway, that’s my Sunday story for you.
And speaking of Sunday, do you know that every Sunday you should be heading over to Seven Impossible Things Before Breakfast to give Eisha and Jules your list of seven great things that happened to you during the week? It’s a little different from what we do here on Fridays, because this is more about nice things that came your way, rather than the ones you did for yourself. You can list happy events, great movies you saw or books you read–really, anything that brightened your week gets to go on your list. And even if you want to lurk (as I often do), reading about other people’s joy is such a pleasant way to spend a Sunday morning while you eat your oatmeal and drink some good coffee.
So get thee hence.
*(Rabbi Harold Kushner and Rabbi Jack Riemer, adapted in Siddur Hadash, originally in New Prayers for the High Holidays)
Technorati Tags: Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah, Jewish Rituals, Jewish Traditions, Jewish Ceremonies, Religion, Religious Ceremonies, Torah, Amy Hirshberg Lederman, Seven Impossible Things Before Breakfast
April 29th, 2007 at 7:54 am
Dear Robin,
I just love the way your frame things and it is amazing how you are able to do your own kind of ’sermonizing” in such a user-friendly, non-sermonizing way. The book-end image, of Bat Mitzvahs and Bikinis is really wonderful and I saw those same young ladies as I left Hillel too. I kept thinking… it just rained so maybe they were just out celebrating life and nature, which I guess is another way of experiencing the Sabbath, the day we honor creation! Each to his or her own, right?
Anyway, thanks so much for the kudos. It was wonderful to have your there. The book took a long time to make and certainly had a few flaws, but I am glad the poem resonated for you as it did. It is my personal fave as well!
Write On!
April 29th, 2007 at 8:23 am
“I kept thinking… it just rained so maybe they were just out celebrating life and nature”
Ha! I like that. Very generous.
April 29th, 2007 at 8:55 am
I agree with Amy, Robin - I always love your posts because they have such a great “here’s what I learned from this, what do you think?” vibe going on. And I am the absolute WORST about trying to do two things at once and doing them both half-assed. My sister asked me on the phone last night “Are you okay? You sound weird.” and I was too embarrassed to admit that I was writing a blog post at the same time I was talking to her. NO MORE! You’ve inspired me!
Oh, and thanks for the 7 Kicks plug. It was totally Jules’s idea, and it’s been great - maybe the best thing we’ve ever done with our blog.
April 29th, 2007 at 9:02 am
Okay, Eisha, so let’s make this pledge to each other: for one entire week, beginning today, when we’re on the phone with people we will only be on the phone with people. No surfing the net, glancing at the comics page–nothing.
And maybe that will lead to learning to give other things all of our attention. Who knows? But for now, let’s just commit to doing this one thing.
You in?
And anybody else want to play?
April 29th, 2007 at 10:30 am
Wow. That is one weird contrast.
What a lovely way to spend a Saturday, though.
May I join you in your “I Am On The Phone, Full Stop” crusade? I had a bit of trouble with that just last night, when my best friend who happens to be long distance called and I was reading Life and Death at the same time, and more than once had to admit, “Um, Sarah, could you repeat that? I wasn’t listening to a word you said.” (Luckily, Sarah totally understands. She was checking her email at the time.)
Of course, if we start discussing things on the Internet and hunting down Artemis Fowl movie facts like the fangirls we are, I might be forced to break it. (Yes, there will be a movie. It’s scheduled for the summer of 2008 and it’ll combine the first two books, and the author is very involved in the creation so hopefully I won’t have to Come For anybody like I did after Ella Enchanted (which they absolutely butchered), but I’m getting off the subject.)
I think that Americans in general have convinced themselves that multitasking is almost on a par with cleanliness (which, as we all know, is next to Godliness), while in reality it’s a good excuse to put in as little concentration as possible to any given set of tasks. And we wonder why we suffer more heart attacks than any other people group on the planet.
April 29th, 2007 at 10:38 am
Miri, high-five on all that. Including the part about how if you need to surf the net to answer some particular question you’re talking with the other person about, then yes, you can do that. BUT I think there has to be full disclosure, as in, “Hold on a sec, let me look that up.”
I’m usually guilty of just what you and Eisha described: trying to get away with my distraction with appropriate “hm”s and “yeah, right”s, hoping the other person won’t notice I’m only half there.
And that must stop! At least for the next 7 days.
April 29th, 2007 at 11:39 am
I’m in on the pledge. I even already started - I was on the phone this morning and my fingers were just twitching over the keyboard but I DID NOT GIVE IN!
April 29th, 2007 at 11:42 am
Me, too, just now! I so would have done it–do a quick sweep for any new e-mail–if not for the fact that I’d made that pledge to you only an hour or so ago.
Being in the moment is such an effort, huh? But I really think this experiment could be good for us. Thanks for saying you’re in. I need company in the struggle.
April 29th, 2007 at 6:11 pm
I had a friend who kept her house ultra-clean. Once, when I mentioned to her that my artificial fig tree was really dirty after many moves (yes, I’m that bad with real plants and besides we move so much real ones get left behind) she told me she WIPES EACH INDIVIDUAL LEAF while she…wait for it…TALKS ON THE PHONE. So, just saying, if you need something other than typing to do…
I, on the other hand, am not an auditory learner…and I actually close my eyes when I’m on the phone to be able to focus. My first interview for my book was over the phone, and I kept losing my train of thought without visual clues. Afterwards, I had no idea what I’d said.
April 29th, 2007 at 8:50 pm
Oh, Sara, your poor friend. She needs help right away. I hope you know what to do.
Your thing about closing your eyes while you’re on the phone might actually be a good thing for me to try. Thanks for the idea.
April 30th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
What a great post! And of course I had to snicker at your description of the bikinis on parade.
I’m in on the phone thing by the way.
April 30th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Good, Vivian, but let me tell you, it’s not easy at all. I really have to force myself to do it. Maybe it will be easier for you.
Let’s all check back in at the end of the week and see how we did and how it felt.
April 30th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
I love this post. I’m with Eisha — I’m also bad about half-assing stuff, but you’ve inspired me, too.
(This is, in a roundabout way, what I loathe about call-waiting, and I will NEVER own it — this multi-tasking, this “you’re not important enough to me, there’s a better call on the other line, so hold on” idea — and interrupting people to do so! So rude).
Anyway, thanks, too, for the 7 Kicks plug. I truly look forward to everyone’s lists every week.
April 30th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
Does this down with multi-tasking include (ummm) using the facilities while on the phone. Come on you know you’re out there, lets see hands, come on!
April 30th, 2007 at 6:43 pm
herb, that qualifies you for the “uber-mulitasker” award–but i prefer no to visualize and definitely intend to NEVER call you.