Hicks in New York
Desperate times.
I live in a very casual town, where dressing up means switching from your canvas to your leather Teva’s.
So it shouldn’t be a surprise that my husband’s and my conversation on our walk this morning was which of our Merrell’s looked most presentable for our trip to New York.
Which drives my more fashion-conscious friends (Annette, Amy–this means you) absolutely nuts.
Last year I made the mistake of turning Annette on to The Learning Channel’s What Not To Wear. (Check out their photo gallery of “Most Shocking Makeovers.”) Talk about your guilty pleasures. In the space of an hour, Stacy and Clinton take a fashion disaster (never as bad as I am, thank you) (I think) and turn him or her into a gorgeous specimen of New York clothes horse.
The key is: resistance is futile. You get $5,000 to shop in NY, but you must do everything that Stacy and Clinton say. No exceptions.
That means you must switch to pointy-toed shoes and cashmere. No high-waisted, tapered jeans even if they’re your favorites in the world. No dressing in outdoor clothes if you’re going to be in the city.
Too bad.
Because I have everything for surviving a week in the rain at 12,000 feet. I have five different tents, four different backpacks, an assortment of hiking pants and boots and a full wardrobe of Gore-tex and fleece. I’m set. Whenever people need to borrow that stuff, they come to me. And while they seem grateful at the time, they go right back to making fun of me–and not even politely behind my back.
So anyway, now that Annette is such a devotee of What Not To Wear, she fancies herself a mini-Stacy and Clinton. Here she was yesterday:
“Why won’t you let me help you shop? I wouldn’t try to send a manuscript off to New York without showing it to you first and getting your opinion, so why wouldn’t you consult me on the thing I’m good at?”
A fair point.
And here’s Amy yesterday: “I can get you an interview on that cable show, but first you have to agree to let me be your fashion consultant.”
Jeez.
But then I talked to my friend Barry, and maybe it’s more of a guy thing, but he’s all for wearing what you’re comfortable in and deciding on your own what your style is. If that happens to be jeans and Merrell’s, so be it.
Bless you, my son.
So I say to you, people of New York, I have checked the forecast and I know it will be raining while I’m there. And while pointy-toed shoes and cashmere may be the good and right thing to wear no matter what the weather, my outdoor survival instincts tell me boots and Gore-tex are the way to go. I understand your rules and have no desire to insult you, but I’m sure you see much more hickish people than I on a daily–hourly–basis.
And just so you know, when you come to my town, lose the lined slacks and the impractical shoes and the silk shirts that will only go limp once you step off the plane into this heat. Your legs may be white, but go ahead and slap on some shorts. Untuck your shirt. Get used to slouching a bit more. The reason we’re so happy here is our standards can be easily met.
Despite what Amy and Annette may tell you.
Technorati Tags: Fashion, New York, New York City, What Not To Wear, Stacy London, Clinton Kelly, Teva, Merrell Shoes
June 8th, 2006 at 8:59 am
Go comfortable. Ask if there is a formal attire restaurant that you will be going to.
June 8th, 2006 at 9:54 am
barry, patrick, please butt out. this is a way bigger issue than robin lets on and should be left to the professionals.(by the way, with a few unthinking key strokes you’ve just undone months of progress).
okay, i’ve gotta ask it–what the heck are merrells?(on priciple,i am refusing to google it).
June 8th, 2006 at 10:41 am
Click on the word “Merrells” above. That gets you right to a site where you can buy some, which I know you will.
Someone once told me the sign that someone is rich is that they wear comfortable shoes. Everyone who wears Merrells must be living the dream.
June 8th, 2006 at 10:47 am
Okay, my dear well-dressed backpacking friend. I will tell you what NOT to wear in New York. Despite all the hype about waiting until after Memorial Day to be properly attired, NEVER wear white in New York. I made the mistake at a book talk I gave last year and within 5 minutes on the street, getting in and out of cabs, I was a sad shade of grey. Now, the offer still remains open, Annette and i will jointly co-sponsor a seek and find shopping trip, if you will only let us! You with me, Annette?
June 8th, 2006 at 12:24 pm
absolutely! this would be so deeply and personally satisfying–ahhh, if only…
June 8th, 2006 at 1:40 pm
ok, I finally have to chime in on the dressing issue,not only as a genuine New Yorker(ok,upstate truthfully)but also as Robin’s sister-in-law and often times travel companion. Annette-please buy Robin a pair of pointy shoes so that I can keep up with her when she walks and I will wear my new Merrells that I purchased for our trip to London. However, I can see that I need to be more careful when showing Robin these new television shows that I waste my time on…I had no idea there was such a following now. But, if Annette is forking out $5000, let her buy the clothes and then give them to me! Seriously, I love traveling with Robin because she reminds me that we only know each other and being comfortable is what it is all about….in other words, who cares what we look like. Besides, we always have a great time, return home with no blisters or sore feet, and even mastered the subways of New York…no cabs for us!
June 8th, 2006 at 2:08 pm
Ah, Sue, I’m touched!
June 8th, 2006 at 2:56 pm
susie, susie, susie,
are you kidding? who cares what you look like!?–god (and me). seriously, just me (and amy). more seriously, comfort and fashion are not mutually exclusive–isn’t that the message that stacy and clinton are trying to bring to this crazy, mixed-up world? they are so right because when i look GOOD, which is pretty much 24/7 (no brag, just fact), i feel, you got it, COMFORTABLE. yep, nothin’ like walking a few miles on asphalt pavement in a pair of stewart weitzman sandels to banish the demons of the work a day world and put a smile on your face.
most seriously, don’t be starting rumors about me forking over cash for humanitarian fashion aid. in extreme cases, such as with the woman married to your brother, i am willing to make an exception, for others in need i will be happy to report them to “what not to wear” (which i can’t believe you imply is a waste of time to watch!) for further intervention as s and c deem appropriate.
June 8th, 2006 at 4:32 pm
Hold on, I have to google Stewart Weitzman! Ah yes, I remember well the days of business travel as an engineer trying to keep up with all the men in their nice flat, comfortable shoes while I tried to avoid any sidewalk grates that might grab my high heels!!!!So, I can’t really agree on the comfort/looks parallel and will stick with flats. Now on the other hand as far as what really just looks wrong, ask Robin about our checking in at the Waldorf!
June 8th, 2006 at 4:33 pm
Last Thursday, for about 3 minutes. I stopped looking GOOD. I’m not sure what happened. I think I turned too fast and five hairs were out of place. It took almost three minutes for them to settle.
People were horrified to see that I was, indeed, not perfect.
June 8th, 2006 at 5:57 pm
Okay, first, I’m glad I’m not the only one who didn’t know what Merrell’s were.
Second, I also like to watch “What Not to Wear,” though think they would take issues with my wardrobe.
Third, Robin - I am on your side for the most part on the clothing thing - but I figure you will dress up when you meet the editor?
June 8th, 2006 at 6:17 pm
Laura-I will dress up to meet my editor. You bet. It just might not (correction: won’t) meet some people’s idea of being a fashionista. But I’m clean and polite, and I always figure that will take me far.
June 8th, 2006 at 6:31 pm
patrick,
i am sooo sorry, but don’t let it happen again.
June 8th, 2006 at 9:53 pm
One of the best things about New York (and one of the things they don’t tell you) is NO ONE CARES!!! You’re wearing jeans, the guy to your right is in a suit, the woman to your left is wearing fur, and the guy asleep on the sidewalk behind you is wearing a trashbag. You, in your jeans, look (and smell) far better than the guy in the trashbag, and that’s all that matters.
June 9th, 2006 at 7:21 am
Sigh.
It’s not about comfort. Or style. Or fashion.
It’s about determining your own fate.
If you’re a guy, then it’s mandated that you wear a tie on certain occasions, probably even to work. But what if you really, really HATE ties? What if they bind and itch and choke you?
Well, then, as a writer you’d be an idiot to wear one. You don’t need to. You can look good without one. Sayonara, noose!
Sartorial anthropology tells us that when you like what you’re wearing, you’re more pleasant and more efficient. So those companies that force men to wear ties are idiotic — you’re cutting the effectiveness of that percentage that can’t abide wearing ties.
Those folks who LIKE wearing ties? Keep wearing ‘em! They’re not outlawed!
As long as you’re clean and presentable, nothing else matters. Even Stacy and Clinton would agree with this — I’ve seen them deck people out in torn jeans and t-shirt. It’s just that they’re ROCKIN’ torn jeans and t-shirts!
Wear something that makes you feel good and that you wouldn’t mind wearing in front of a hundred people for an hour-long signing session. Can’t go wrong.
June 9th, 2006 at 7:30 am
Funny you mention it. At this point I’m thinking of wearing a tie.
June 11th, 2006 at 4:05 pm
Robin, what nobody told you and I will– you can wear anything you want and draw OOHS and AAAHHHS! in New York if you follow three simple rules, no matter HOW comfortable the clothing you choose to wear happens to be.
1)The item of clothing is either black or designer.
2)The item of clothing is vintage.
3)People in Hicksville wouldn’t wear this with that, so it MUST be trendy . . .
Hence my 70’s Yves St. Laurent denim jacket with the 1976 bicentennial 76er’s old/new stock hi-top sneakers . . . with plain black slacks and a black tank top. NY stylin’ from the gal who sold to MOST of the celebs who used to shop the 26th St. Market.
And if you’re VERY good, someday I’ll tell you about the time I met Calvin– with my union suit showing through the hole in my butt.
June 12th, 2006 at 6:53 pm
see, bj proves IT CAN BE DONE–hip and comfy. (but what’s this about union suit showing, i put you down for a saucy little thong). thank you bj.
June 13th, 2006 at 8:32 am
Well, it was 20 degrees out and I was schlepping ’round the city all day and didn’t realize my dearly beloved and authentic 1950’s Manny, Moe and Jack Coveralls had finally given up the ghost on the backend when squeezed between two Sumo Wrestlers on the subway (which was the only time all day I was warm . . . )
Remember all those artfully holed and ripped jeans the designers were showing about ten years ago? I have a feeling I was the inspiration . . .