Michelle Yeoh cleaned my closet
Okay, see you if you follow me here.
I’m sure there are other people like me, but I don’t personally know any adult who is as into make-believe as I am. I’m not just talking casual pretend, but deep chameleon-like behavior.
I’m so easily influenced by movies and TV. Depending on what I’m watching, I can be Xena, Scully, Kate, the Frenchwoman, Meryl Streep in River Wild–I keep adding to the list. But you get the pattern: strong, fearless women who kick some serious ass.
So yesterday I spent my Sunday afternoon in one of the ways I love, which was watching Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Again. Because there’s really no limit to how many times you can enjoy Michelle Yeoh’s and Ziyi Zhang’s sword fight, or that breathtaking chase through the bamboo trees.
And because I have this extra chip in my brain or maybe it’s a gene, I not only watch, I become. And yesterday I was Michelle Yeoh.
And Michelle Yeoh had a few things to say about my house. Because she’s so elegant and so spare in her movements, and her home (headquarters, whatever) is so sparse and simple and beautiful.
And there came a point in the film when Michelle couldn’t take the squalor anymore, and so she made me pause the DVD and go to my bedroom and finally–FINALLY–tackle the closet.
And I mean everything must go. Within minutes I’d piled clothes upon clothes on the bed, and I was sorting. And then it was time for some drawers–everything out, on the bed, and start picking through it to see what it is you actually like. Not just what you wear, but what you LIKE.
Because Michelle, being the kickass woman she is, wouldn’t dare wear something that doesn’t fit right or doesn’t feel right or requires too much fussing. She wants beautiful, elegant, simple.
And here’s the thing: I always know when I weed out my closets and drawers that even though it’s hard for me to admit that I spent so much money on clothes that are wrong for me or that I don’t actually like, I can always comfort myself in the knowledge that the women who will pick these up at the thrift shop where I donate will be thrilled to have such pretty, almost-new blouses and pants and whatnot. I am doing my part in the flow of abundance by letting go of things I don’t need or want and letting someone who will love them finally get their hands on them.
What’s great about Michelle Yeoh is that she’s very efficient. She had the vacuum cleaner out, sucking up all the dust bunnies in my closet, making the whole place orderly and pleasant to look at. And she handled her duties getting rid of everything that didn’t fit or look nice within a single, efficient, kickass hour. That woman is a warrior. Ruth was not there–we were ruth-less.
So now I have the pleasure of opening those closet doors and seeing nothing but pretty. Seeing nothing but what fits. And there’s so much room in there now, and so much room in my drawers, I no longer have to stuff and cram and dread putting clean laundry away.
Semi-crazy? Okay, sure, maybe. But I’m asking you, if Scully came to your house–and you remember what her apartment looked like, right? Immaculate–if she came to your house today, wouldn’t she love to take off her serious jacket, roll up her tailored white sleeves, and get down to some serious clutter-purging for just an hour or so? Then she could think straight. She wouldn’t spend the whole time in there so nervous.
Mother Reader had a post a few days ago that absolutely cracked me up. Mainly because I could completely identify with it. Here’s my favorite part:
“[T]he past month’s copies of the Washington Post have creeped off of their tidy pile and are now forming a sort of second carpeting for the dining room. (Which is helping with the clean-up, I guess. Now instead of vacuuming, I can throw away the top layer of newspapers. Like a bird cage.)”
Even in her stressed-out, overscheduled despair, she is funny.
Mother Reader, hope you don’t mind, but I’m sending an elegant Chinese woman warrior to your house some time this week. She won’t make a scene, won’t speak harshly, but she will gather up all your newspapers and magazines and any old clothing and clutter you hate and will promptly and ruthlessly remove them from your house, never to be seen again. And if you still have work left to do, I’m sending over Meryl Streep with her buff river guide arms to help you do the heavy lifting.
Because I think this is the week. I think we’d all be a lot happier if we went into June with a clean house and a clean slate. It just feels like a nice thing to do for ourselves for the start of summer.
Anyone else need some special make-believe assistance? I’ve got a whole drawer-full of DVD women warriors that I can lend you.
Technorati Tags: Michelle Yeoh, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Decluttering, Closet Organization, Simplification, I May Be Crazy But At Least My House Is Clean
I went Lucy Lawless on my closet several months ago. You know who is also very effective?
Bob the Builder.
A nice thing about Lucy/Xena is that in addition to being fearless, she’s tall. Bet she really did a number on those high shelves.
She ripped the shelves out of the wall.
I have new shelves in the closet now.
Send her my way, Robin! I need her.
I also need a good personal shopper. Let’s see…whose style do I like? I don’t even know. That’s the problem.
I HATE shopping and, instead, pick up random items at Target. Is this how a 40 year old should be dressing herself? I think not.
I keep hoping my students will send me into “What Not to Wear.” Sure, I’ll embarrass myself on semi-national television, but it will be oh so worth it. Stacy and Clinton will be horrified by the browns that don’t match, the missing buttons, the clogs (I can see Stacy’s face contort when she says ‘clogs’!) They’ll film me in front of a classroom, chalk streaks on my pilled sweater. No makeup. It will be awesome.
“I think this is the week. I think we’d all be a lot happier if we went into June with a clean house and a clean slate. It just feels like a nice thing to do for ourselves for the start of summer.”
I agree. Which is why my blogging will be brief this week. (And now I must find a proper fictional cleaning muse…)
I’ve never harnessed the power of a clean, elegant character for cleaning purposes before, but I admit that I notice shifts in my personality while reading certain books. While reading Artemis Fowl, I tend to be a bit more calculating, on the dry side of humor. My first sociophobic episode was during the Shadow Children series, Among the Hidden specifically. (Unfortunately, I’ve had two more since then.) Etc.
You might have to send me one of those Chinese woman warriors. I think I need to go Michelle Yeoh on my dresser. (In brighter news, I did all my laundry. It’s actually a little disturbing how long I’d gone without doing laundry, but now I can see all of my carpet and it’s quite nice.)
Happy Memorial Day!
Patrick–
Back in graduate school, I started watching “Xena.” After each show, I had so much bounding energy that I felt I could do things that previously eluded me (i.e. unsticking a window). I still channel Xena in the house.
Robin– Penny Esmarkus wants you to be one of the three living authors with whom she has coffee/tea/wine. I’m a tad jealous!
Oh my goodness, you’re funny, Robin. I love the ruthless bit.
I’ve never managed to see that movie, but I do channel Scully every once in a while when cleaning — more sentimental than I want to admit. I keep the kooky stuff around though I know I shouldn’t.
I need Michelle! I am trying to fit 3 wardrobe boxes and countless other boxes of clothes and shoes into a much smaller closet than I had and it is not working. I just can’t let go of clothes. I always think I will wear it again sometime, somewhere. When (very occassionally) I actually do, it reinforces my belief that I should not part with these items. So, I’m giving up for now and going on a plane to Santa Monica to work and while catching a walk on the beach I will try to dig deep psychologically speaking to find out why I need to hold onto those clothes. I’ll also be hoping that while I am gone Michelle will have visited and done the deed.
I just came back from walking Bear, to find all these fun comments to patch through. You guys really make me laugh. Thank you.
Alkelda, how nice! I don’t know what to say. Guess I’d better watch Crouching Tiger again to see how Michelle handles the tea ceremony.
By the way, Kelly, you’re a braver woman than I for being willing to go on What Not To Wear. I love the show, but I’ve told everyone near and dear to me (especially Annette, who would totally turn me in) that if they ever do that, we’re through.
But now I’ll be pulling for you. And what’s wrong with clothing from Target?
yea kelly, i so love “what not to wear” because they actually get people to start looking at themselves differently. my mom read that adults imprint on who they are physically at about age 20–thus all these women walking round with the same pathetic do that made farrah fawcett famous.
i totally dig nice clothes, as in the kind that stacy and clinton refer to as “investment pieces”. don’t wait for your kids to turn you in (by the way, i turned in all of seattle wash., that’s right, the entire greater king county area–they never got back to me, and i would so love to turn robin in, but that’s another story) find a “makeover” expert near you. make sure she’s a real professional, not just a sales person. there’s a gal in my community who does personal consultation in between gigs for big corporations. it’s pricey but i’ve seen some amazing results. go forth and be beautiful (and confident).
The joy in throwing away clothes is the overwhelming need to buy new ones afterward.
this is for jone from friday. i just went out to count my tomatoes, which i do everyday. i picked the one i’d been waiting for all week–fat and red. wouldn’t ya know a wascly wabbit had beat me to it–eating the side that it could reach on hide legs (raised bed planter). i ate the other half on the spot, all hot and cootified with bunny spit, sooooo good.
Robin,
You can totally send Michelle Yeoh my way. If she could get my house looking serene like the interior of Diane Keaton’s beach house on Something’s Gotta Give, I’ll take it. While I’m at it, I’ll even take a tiny, tiny version of the beach house too. A girl’s gotta dream.
Kelly, I love watching “What not to Wear.” It would be so cool to have Stacey and Clint as personal shoppers. Although I know I would never want my “Before” shot on tv. It’s more fun living vicariously through other people.
There is nothing better than a great Goodwill sweep! It frees your mind.
I like to equate a good manuscript revision to a closet sweep. Cut out the clutter and get to the meat of the story.
WNTW is the best therapy on TV. Talk about female empowerment…every kind of body (skinny, curvy, short, tall) is celebrated. Last Friday’s episode was particularly amazing.
Robin, I love your idea of channeling Michelle to get your closet clean. How did I live so long and not think of that? Every once in a while, I get so sick of all my “stuff” that I long to purge everything and be a monk, with one clean robe and a pair of rope sandals.
But then what would I wear when I want to channel Trinity?
Annette: That’s too funny about Seattle. It really should–all of it–be turned into What not to Wear.
And, if my style was established when I was 20, that explains the clogs+jeans+t-shirt thing. I haven’t changed a bit–only replaced my cowboy boots with the clogs. Sigh. My idea of dressing up is throwing a jacket over the t-shirt.
A consultant is a great idea. However, I live in Iowa (which also should be turned over to Stacey and Clinton, though I suspect they wouldn’t bother).
Target rocks, Robin!
“And what’s wrong with clothing from Target?”
The Cut.
The Colors.
The (usually synthetic) Fabrics.
The Styles.
Other than that they’re fine.
Sigh. We are in the presence of a vintage designer clothing snob.
What’s right about Target clothes? #1: I can spill on them and NOT CARE.
Oh, BJ, I couldn’t disagree more. There are great clothes in great colors and great fabrics and great styles to be found anyplace you can buy clothes.
Now, if you said: “the likely unethical labor practices…” that would be another story.
I have a great marinara red 100% cotton fitted shirt from target and I LOVE it.
Happy clean slate and happy Memorial Day! And I just tagged you for a meme. If it’s not your thing, feel free to ignore, but you were one of the people I thought of. Cheers!
Jen, what fun! Thanks for the tag. I’m on it.
You thought you were sending me an elegant Chinese warrior woman. What I got was an overweight, balding, hirsute man in the form of my father. He did clear out the newspapers, I’ll give him that. And after repeated hints and maybe one actual threat, he power washed the deck.
My Go date is June 12th. That’s when all of the huge things hanging over me come to an end. Though, actually, I’ll probably be heading to the beach on the 16th, so maybe aiming for June 20th is more realistic.
Hm, must be the front office couldn’t read my handwriting on that work order. But I’m glad someone showed up and that he finally took the hint and power washed your deck! Sheesh!