No, what I meant was . . .
I’m having one of those “is it me?” experiences.
The last time this sort of thing happened, I was booted from the College of Education because of something I wrote on a test. I thought it would have been clear to absolutely anyone that what I wrote was a joke, but the dean of the college and the committee he formed to review my case didn’t see it that way. I sat there in front of them, sweating through my shirt, trying to explain that I was being sarcastic–that no one would seriously suggest students should be taught to speak in unison, and a few other (so hilarious!) gems I included under my answer to the test question, “What is your teaching philosophy?” I was asked to leave, since clearly I had no business teaching children.
So I became a YA author. So there.
Now here it is again. I got a long e-mail yesterday from a woman I’ve been taking classes from lately. I really like this woman, and greatly respect her talent and gentle humor. Apparently the feeling is not mutual. In the past few weeks I’ve started to relax around her and the other people in the group, which means instead of just sitting there dutifully doing my work, I’ve let out some of my more playful, jokey side.
Bad idea.
Because what I’ve taken for frolic, she’s been reading as mean, hurtful, and rude. She finally felt it necessary to send me a list of particulars, detailing all the ways I’ve hurt her feelings over the past several weeks.
And I’m such a badass I sat there at the computer and cried. And went for a run and cried a little more. Because the last thing I wanted to do was make her feel bad, and because once again I was truly perplexed by how what I saw as joking around and being friendly could be taken in completely the opposite way.
After sending her back an e-mail explaining how I never intended anything I said to hurt her–how I truly like and admire and respect her–I did the reasonable and honorable thing by withdrawing from the class. I have absolutely zero desire to be the thorn in someone’s side. Give me a break–life’s too short.
It would be a great comfort to me to know I’m not the only one something like this has happened to. I know we all speak the same language and all, but sometimes doesn’t it seem like what comes out of your mouth ends up twisting and mutating before it gets to someone else’s ear?
Sigh. Perfection continues to elude me. Good thing I’ve got a fresh new week to work with.
Technorati Tags: Relationships, Friendship, Communication Skills
January 15th, 2007 at 9:14 am
Happens to me pretty much every hour of every day. I havn’t been kicked out of school for it yet, but there’s still time.
January 15th, 2007 at 9:21 am
Excellent, Lizzie. Solidarity, my sister.
January 15th, 2007 at 10:04 am
*hands box of Kleenex over to Robin*Don’t feel so bad there,it happens to alot of us,especially on the internet where tone is not always easy to pick up on.
It’s good that you left,since this woman clearly does not have a sense of humor and would only resent your presence in the group which would make everyone else uncomfortable in the long run.
And I for one don’t see what’s bad about students answering in unison-how else would you know that the mind control implants are working in synch with one another:)?
January 15th, 2007 at 10:07 am
Thank you, Lady T. You get it!
January 15th, 2007 at 10:17 am
Oh, Robin!!!! My heart just started hurting in empathy for you. I could have written that letter (except for the bit about the college of education as I have never in my life wished to be a teacher). But yes, yes, yes. It happens. It happens to a lot of people. As Heather can testify when she arrives, she’s seen it happen to me.
I don’t know what to do about it. I wish I did. If you find out, please tell me. Some people just aren’t going to get your humor. Others will decide, a priori, to be offended by everything you say. No amount of couching in carefully polite phrases or explaining your meaning will convince them otherwise.
I’m sorry.
January 15th, 2007 at 10:20 am
Thank you, Diana. Is this what you meant on your blog the other day when you said you unintentionally offended a bunch of people at a reading? Because I couldn’t imagine how you could do that, but maybe it’s just this kind of crossed wires sort of thing.
January 15th, 2007 at 10:22 am
While I’ve never been kicked out of anything over it, I do know where you’re coming from. People don’t always take my sense of humor the right way either. I’ve been accused of being mean and hurtful, when that was the last thing I ever intended.
January 15th, 2007 at 10:26 am
Thanks, Kimmy. You guys, it’s really nice to know I am not alone in this Land of the Misunderstoods.
January 15th, 2007 at 11:34 am
Are you kidding me? My mouth is lined with leather soles. Unintentionally, of course. It’s the primary reason why I have few intimate relationships.
And yes, I can vouch for Diana.
January 15th, 2007 at 11:53 am
“My mouth is lined with leather soles.”
Heather, great line.
January 15th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Well, all I can say is: It’s about time people learned the truth!
Just kidding. Jeez, Robin — how many times have I told you NOT to channel me when talking to other people?
January 15th, 2007 at 3:01 pm
robin, cry for darfur, not for some ingrate who doesn’t “get” the genius that is your humor. her loss.
ps if you want me to kick her a** (methaphorically speaking), you know the secret code, just
say the word.
January 15th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Leather uppers proabably would’ve been more appropriate, lol. Thanks for not misunderstanding me.
(((Robin)))
January 15th, 2007 at 3:55 pm
This day-long blog therapy has done me a world of good. Let me know when I can return the favor for any of you. I really appreciate all the kind words.
Annette, was the word “land-shark”? I always forget.
January 15th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Robin - It’s just sad that some people don’t get the proper enjoyment out of “Yo Mama Is So–” jokes. Don’t let them get you down.
January 15th, 2007 at 6:00 pm
Patrick, I got that joke from you. Don’t you guarantee your product?
January 15th, 2007 at 7:31 pm
You know, that is so 1980’s anti-drug commercial “I learned it from watching you, Dad”
I mean, seriously, we all know about how you grew up on the mean streets of Peoria, Illinois making your money dueling pimps, hookers, hobos and white rappers in ‘Yo Mamma’ contests. Don’t be ashamed of where you came from.
January 15th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
ditto that robin, don’t be ashamed of your roots. (which doesn’t mean you necessarily should be proud of them).
January 15th, 2007 at 8:20 pm
You’re right, I do have roots. I’m going to the stylist on Thursday.
Bah-dum-bum.
January 16th, 2007 at 3:05 am
Was it the drummer that she complained about?
In high school, my track coach was my Chemistry teacher. The next year, he told me that he was glad to never have me for a student again, because I was so disruptive to his class that I never gave him the chance to teach the other students.
January 16th, 2007 at 9:02 am
Patrick, I’m guessing you were surprised by that. You probably had no idea you were making it so hard for the teacher. You probably thought everybody loved your antics. Everybody probably did–except for the teacher.
January 16th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Haven’t you noticed that I sometimes email because I have no idea if I’ve crossed a line?
The difference now compared to then is that I now know there is a line and I tend to go sailing across it.
January 16th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
Patrick, as far as I’m concerned, the only line you’ve ever crossed here was posting the link that answered my naive question, “What’s a Prince Albert?” Had to delete that one–infants and grandmas read this site.
Otherwise, carry on.
January 16th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
Did I really link that or did I just bring up the whole prince albert subject as a vague reference?
January 16th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Both.
January 16th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Patrick, I do not think a line would stop you. Perhaps an arresting net on a aircraft carrier but, not a line. Keep up the good work.
January 16th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
Ewww. I really shouldn’t have done that….
January 16th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
ewww is right patrick and double ewww to robin for bringing it up again, ewww, ewww.