“Patient is extremely prompt and ridiculously modest”
Remember that Seinfeld episode where Elaine’s doctor writes in her chart that she is “difficult,” and then that file follows her from doctor to doctor, totally tainting the way they treat her?
Yeah, well that’s not going to happen to me.
Yesterday I went to the doctor for a variety of tests that all ended up proving I’m as healthy as a moose–that’s healthy, look it up–and when I moved from one tech to another, the second one said, “Your ears must have been burning. I was just bad-mouthing you for being late.” But then he realized it wasn’t my fault–the other tech had kept me over–and so he apologized for thinking mean thoughts. But that wasn’t good enough for me.
“I need you to write it in my chart,” I said. “‘Patient is extremely prompt.’” And because the guy was a joker, he did write it down, and showed it to me. I was very pleased.
The problem is, tech #1 probably wrote something completely different.
[Gentlemen of this blog, TMI alert.]
When I was a teenager girl and had my very first pap smear, it was from a male doctor with freakishly wide fingers. Yes, imagine. And ever since then, I’ve had a particular prejudice against male doctors. I got stuck with one as my primary physician for a few years, and my only dealings with him were describing my symptoms over the phone. Otherwise I always scheduled myself with his female nurse practitioners.
I feel the same way about male massage therapists. I’m just not comfortable letting men who are not actually married to me see any part of my torso naked. I recognize that I may be weird this way. I know friends who have had babies who say they had to get over that real fast, since everyone and their neighbor got to come into exam rooms to see their crotch, but I haven’t had that experience myself, so I stand by my modest principles.
So there I was with a total male stranger yesterday, and he was insisting that to do the test properly I needed to take off my bra. And the negotiation ensued. I made a great case for myself, but in the end I lost. I felt it was worth the argument, though, because the guy did take extreme precautions to expose only the bare minimum of flesh, and I’m sure he was thinking, “What’s the big deal? Seen two, seen ‘em all,” but I’ve always taken my body very personally, and I knew the test would go much better if I weren’t sitting there all rigid and tense and ready to bolt at the first sign that the tech was creepy.
He wasn’t, it was fine, whatever.
I’m just curious if there’s anyone else out there who finds the idea of opposite sex doctors and massage therapists and other hands-on practitioners a little . . . ewww. And am I the only one who wishes all medical exams could take place over the phone?
Technorati Tags: Doctors, Patients, Medical Exams, Extreme Modesty
Ahh the great American Puritanism at work!
Clearly a learned behavior, based on the evidence of a naked 4 and 3/4 year old streaking around my house.
Yeah, but your naked child is a boy. I’ll wait to hear from some of the women before believing I’m the only one who feels this way.
What?? Is this a ‘women’s issue’? Am I being oppressed?
I find it thoroughly enjoyable to get my cough test from my female doctor who seems to get great joy in scheduling physicals and prescribing steroids.
And men prefer female massuesses, too. But that makes us appear creepy, ’cause clearly, we are only looking for happy endings.
If you look for fairies, you will see fairies. If you look for pervs, you will see pervs.
From the book The Wisdom of Patrick.
My primary care doctor is Susan Locke. I had a physical the other day. As I waddled away from her office I thought I like my doctor but, I’m glad her fingers are not any longer then they are.
An indignity no matter who is committing it is still an indignity. When you get older and spend more time with doctors, the less you care.
Off subject. GO BEARS
Ooh, good–more TMI.
Talk about indignities, how about sitting in the movie theater, eating your sandwich and someone taking it from you and throwing it to the floor. How about that!
My OB/GYN is a man. Actually, he delivered me (how crazy is that?!)! I love this man! I had to start going to him for check ups when I was 16 because I had an ovarian cyst and he has always made me feel super comfortable!
I have a lot of girlfriends who would side with you though, Robin. I think I’m kind of weird because I can be super self conscious… but I’m pretty comfortable with my body and as long as I feel you are respecting it, I’ll trust you.
The only time I only want a woman is as my GYN. Other than that, all my doctors have been male.
And I gotta agree with Herb – the more time you spend with doctors, the less you care. And seeing as I spend soooo much time with them, I really don’t care who’s seen me naked. You can only wear a paper ‘gown’ so long before you stop trying to cover up the slit in the back that shows off your butt no matter how many times you re-wrap it.
Damn, I hate how gossip spreads in this country.
Yes, Herb, I may have been a little annoyed at the sound of the sandwich baggie crinkling during one of the Sundance movies, and yes, the offender may have been my husband, and I admit it is alleged that I threw his sandwich on the ground, but I was really just trying to take the sandwich bag out of play, and didn’t realize there was food resting on top of it.
I did brush the sandwich off on my jeans and hand it back with an apology, and he’s eaten far more disgusting things than that (street vendor food in 3rd world countries, etc.), so let’s all just move on, shall we?
Lizzie, I never thought of my modesty around doctors as a luxury, but maybe it really is. It means I don’t go often enough to have gotten over it yet. Thanks for giving me a different perspective.
Oh, this is such a sore topic for me. As in, when it comes up at parties, people who know me get a scared look on their faces and my fiance tried to distract me with food.
My father is an OB-GYN. He’s a phenomenal doctor, a wonderful surgeon, a great guy. Nowadays very few men go into his specialty though, because it’s tougher to start a business. When his practice hires a new female doctor, it fills up instantly. that doesn’t happen for new male obgyns.
And in the end, don’t you want a better doctor above all?
The problem comes that if you have a class of medical students who would be brilliant at a certain specialty and only HALF of those top students (the female half) are going to choose to go into a specialty, you’re not going to get as many great doctors. It’s bad for the specialty as a whole to limit it to a particular sex.
And least no one here has brought up the nonsense that a female OBGYN understands you better. ::rolls eyes::. Right, and I pick my oncologists based on whether or not they’ve had cancer, not whether or not they’ve cured it.
Robin,
You know there’s always two sides to a story unless you wrote the story in the first place. And since you did sacrifice your jeans cleaning it off, I guess you should be forgiven. I have one question. Who the heck eats sandwiches at the movies.
I remember growing up my mom would make sandwiches when we would go places that we know had all sorts of junk food. So when it came to popcorn or cotton candy or whatever, it was “Here have a sandwich”. I mean how un-American can you get. Of course if we succeeded in getting some junk it would mean someone had to throw up on the way home. But a sandwich at the movies, no that is something new.
Yes, I do want the best doctor, but I also want the nicest experience I can have in a situation like that. Going to the gyno is unfun enough that I don’t want to add to it being so tense that the instruments snap off because I’m clenching so hard.
I applaud the people who aren’t hung up about this like I am. But at some point in my adulthood I realized I’m a grown up and I get to decide how I want to feel during certain situations, such as medical exams. I’m just more comfortable dealing with the female half of the medical profession. Doesn’t mean they’re better than male doctors, just means I’m working within my own comfort zone.
Ok, everyone is thinking it and I have to ask…
Uh, right, uh… Dad thing, uh, your doctor? *imagining my own parents and…*
I’ve had both male and female physicians with good and not-so-good experiences with both genders. I want the best doc I can get regardless of gender. However, if there was a choice between two equally skilled docs, I would go with the woman. And Robin I’ll confirm your friend’s baby delivery experiences-I lost a whole lot of modesty when I delivered my son in front of a dozen medical people.
No, Patrick, my father is not my doctor. We don’t even live in the same state. But he has been involved in medical consultations at various times. I had surgery as a teen, and I think he was there.
Robin, I’m not saying that you think they are better, nor that you shouldn’t be able to choose who you want to see — you should, but the universalization of this attitude causes sexism throughout the specialty, and everyone loses out. You choosing a female doctor over a male doctor means nothing. 100,000 people doing so means men won’t become doctors.
there are people who say they don’t feel comfortable having a woman president. Which is fine for them personally, but since there’s only one president, a lot of people feeling that way means there WON’T be a female president. A lot of people feeling that a person shouldn’t be a certain profession because of their sex means that people of that sex won’t be in that profession.
I have a male friend who is a kindergarten teacher and he says it’s the same thing for him. It hurts when parents call up as soon as they get their class list and ask that little Bobby gets put in “Miss Smith’s” class rather than “Mr. Smith.” Nothing to do with anything but the name.
Yeah, Diana, I get that. I’m generally for all sorts of gender equality–including my desire for a female president not just in my lifetime, but soon.
I don’t know what to tell you, except to say that I recognize I’m weird about this, but I also want to be nice to myself and not bully myself into doing things that make me feel all icky.
It’s the same kind of thing I teach girls and young women in self-defense classes: you don’t have to apologize for feeling uncomfortable in certain situations. Your first duty is to take care of yourself, whether or not people think you’re weird or rude. I think girls sometimes get the wrong message about being nice all the time. Our bodies are our own personal equipment, and if something doesn’t feel right, it gets to be our choice whether we want to leave or not.
For example, I totally hate social kissing. I resent it, it pisses me off. And so if I see some guy coming in with the pucker, I stick out my hand or turn my cheek or whatever. Some people love the social kiss, some people feel neutral about it–I just happen to hate it. Maybe it comes from years of shaking men’s hands when I’m in a business context, then seeing them later in a social setting and having them think it’s time to kiss me.
I know there are tons of people out there who are all touchy and embracing, and I say go for it if that’s who you are. Me? I need my space.
I am totally down with Diana!
Men are being oppressed!
(p.s. My book is called THE WORLD ACCORDING TO PATRICK, THE GREAT THINKER OF OUR TIME)
Wow, I’m so happy to see this being discussed. I had the horrific experience of getting an exam by a resident who seemed like he’d never interacted with a vagina before. And the attending was a guy too. Ugh.
And don’t touch my boobs unless you’re going to make out with me.
I’m also weird about eye exams. And I’ve never even had a massage because the thought of a stranger touching me creeps me out.
The proper way to meet someone or greet an acquaintance is to SHAKE HANDS. Right?
Molly, come over here and sit by me.
Robin, So women’s bodies are their own personal equipment and therefore it is their responsibilty to take care of it. Men on the other hand only lease their bodies therefore they treat it like sh…t knowing that when the lease is up they can turn it in for a lease on a new model.
Seriously, let’s be glad that today the insurance comp… I mean we can choose what doctor we want regardless of gender.
As far as social mores are concerned, most go for what they were brought up with and are often perplexed when they get adverse reaction. Sub-Saharan Africa vs Manhattan NYC. Business vs personal.
Patrick, if we read the 2 pages of your book does it count for next Tuesday’s tally?
Why, Robin, do you want to make out? ;o)
No, thanks. A simple handshake will do.
okay girls (robin and molly) settle down, this is a pg-13 blog, right?
herb i hate to trump your indignity but i have a long time business aquaintance who was having some, ahhemm, “male troubles”. he went to a highly respected urologist (female) who happened to also be a close friend from high school. he was okay with her doing what she needed to do with the latex covered fingers slathered in ky-gel. what he wasn’t prepared for was the fact that, unbeknownest to him, the nurse was her mother who instucted “tommy” to undress and lay over the bench with (as he freely confesses) his enormous ass in the air so that she, mrs. nurse, and doctor could have easy, well-lit, access to the “problem”, all the while prattling on about, “remember the time the whole band was at the house and i made cookies…”. now that’s just plain ol’ full-on ick.
as for social kissing. i love it, i like to instigate it and i like to receive it.
as for nudity. i don’t even undress in front of a mirror. my brother-in-law is a doc and thus way more casual with the human body than i’m comfortable with. he just doesn’t get why i’d pay good money to recieve medical care from a virtual stanger. as i repeatedly remind him, “the day you sees me naked, you better be taggin’ my toe.”
Annette, this is why I love you.
(And no, I don’t want to make out with you, either.)
SO much to say to Molly….vagina interaction…
Herb, it’s only 1 page and most of that is the title.
Do we have to declare who we will and won’t make out with on the blog now? Please don’t hit my sandwich.
I mean, can’t we use the term ‘Hoo-Haa’ instead?
I have forgotten what the original topic is for today but I am laughing outloud at Annette’s description of the mother nurse, daughter doctor examination. How low brow to discuss childhood happenings during the delicate examination!! What a hoot! This tops it for me today.
patrick, i need to look up “hoo-haa”, i’m having a hard time figuring it out in context. do you suggest “grey’s anatomy” or “urban dictionary”? also unable to figure out the sandwhich reference in or out of context, please enlighten.
signed,
perplexed
Annette, please refer to comments #7, 10, and 13 above.
okay, your point. sandwich baggies and hoo-haa’s. oh yeah now it get it–very subtle.