Sometimes someone has to call you on your bull
I went for a day-long hike yesterday, just me, the husband, and the Bear, and somewhere about halfway up the mountain I started feeling really, really sad.
Because of my desk, of course.
Because remember this? Apparently I completely deluded myself. Because not only did I not fix my office as it was, I’ve allowed the paper on it to breed and multiply so that now even walking in here makes my heart start overbeating, and apparently there’s this little space in my brain that’s gotten very, very depressed about it.
And yesterday all that good hard physical activity dislodged it.
“I feel so . . . ” [Big sigh.]
“What’s wrong?” my good husband asked.
“I’m all . . .” [Sigh.] “I just don’t feel like I’m on top of it anymore.”
“On top of what?”
“My life.” [Translation: my disgusting desk.]
Now, being the good husband, he of course wanted to help me if he could, but being a guy and all, the last thing he wanted to do was get into some long, drawn-out emotional discussion about what it is I thought was wrong with my life. Which had to sound ridiculous anyway, since so far this year has been pretty spectacular, so what on earth would I have to gripe about?
So I know what he was thinking was, “Can’t you call one of your girlfriends? Did you see if we have cell service here?”
But he let me unload anyway, and I rattled off this list about how my office is a sty, my to-do list is never to-done, I wake up so early every morning but the days still aren’t long enough to do everything I’m supposed to do, whine, whine, whine.
He listened patiently, then without hesitation handed me the answer:
“It’s because you blog about four hours a day.”
“I do not!”
“Think about it. You’re either blogging or reading someone else’s blog or moderating comments or posting comments on other people’s blogs.”
“That’s so not true. Maybe an hour. Okay, maybe two.”
“At least four,” he said. “Admit it.”
We were still hiking along, so I didn’t have to answer right away since my thighs and calves were taking all my attention. But finally there was no avoiding the issue.
“But I like it!” I said.
“I know you do. It’s just a question of what your priorities are. You can have a clean office or you can blog for four hours every day.”
Okay, first of all, I really don’t think it’s four hours. Maybe two. Two and a half.
Second, I have to admit it really is as simple as that. There are only the same number of hours in every day, and you fill them one way or the other, and it’s always your choice.
And that’s where it gets hard. Because I really do like this. I only started blogging a year ago, and back then there were only a few other blogs I read, and so the whole thing would take just a little time in the mornings.
Now I’ve met so many fun blogs–through people who comment here, through recommendations from other bloggers I read, etc.–that it really does take me at least an hour every morning to catch up with everybody, and that doesn’t count the time I spend commenting (because sometimes you just have to comment), and that also doesn’t include the time I spend writing you guys long posts like this just because I apparently can’t help myself.
And the thing is, I’m not sure I’m going to change any of that. If I really do spend that much time in the blogosphere, is that so bad? I mean, really?
Every time I write a post here, I’m practicing writing. Every time I read someone else’s post, I’m learning about writing (in a way) and I also learn so much about my fellow human beings (we can never learn enough there) and also about the publishing biz in general. So I say it’s all part of my job now.
Plus, what’s wrong with enjoying my time reading and writing? So what if it’s taking place on the internet as opposed to some print medium? I still get my novels written, I’m still going to have a screenplay to submit to Sundance next month–I’m a good little worker bee and I get my assignments done.
But it is pretty funny to me how I completely missed this so-obvious answer to where my time goes.
And as always, it’s just a choice. I could choose to spend less time on the blog, more time cleaning my desk. Less time reading my favorite blogs out there, more time dusting the furniture.
I think my choice is clear.
So now what am I going to do about my desk?
[IMPORTANT UPDATE for those of you coming over from Fuse #8: Check it out.
Technorati Tags: Clutter, Decluttering, Spring Cleaning, My Office Is a Disaster, Blogging, Bloggers, Blogosphere, Time Management
Oh, I totally hear you. This blogging thing is so time-consuming, but in a very sneaky way that I just don’t notice until the day’s over and I still have piles of laundry and dirty dishes sitting around, giving me the evil eye. I’ve thought about using a kitchen timer or something, to actually try to limit my online time, or at least keep track of it.
Do you subscribe to a service like Bloglines? It has given me so much extra time in the day. Good thing for an addict like moi.
About your desk…
Take a blog vacation for a day or so. We’ll be here when you return. I promise.
Heather, that’s sweet, but I couldn’t possibly! Could I?
Actually, I woke up this morning with all sorts of plans for how I’m going to rearrange my time and life. I realized I’ve added all these new things without taking away any of the old. So there’s a new sheriff in town.
Eisha, glad to hear you’re having a hard time getting the laundry done, too. Mine is in the washer right now. Then there’s just the matter of folding and putting away, which I somehow seem to stretch over several days.
Sigh. It will all work out. I just need to be more deliberate about my time, as opposed to doing things the same way just out of inertia.
Thanks for your input. I’m happy to hear from any other bloggers who are having this problem. Give me guidance!
Heather’s right. Turn off your computer until your desk area is clean. THAT will provide you with quite the incentive.
And this is even BEFORE your book is out! Just think, after it’s out, you can add googling your name, seeing your ranking on amazon, and delving into myspace (which you should do before your book is out, actually).
It’s just like real estate — you’ve got to ask yourself “what’s the highest, best use of this property (your time?)” Doing the internet thing every OTHER day wouldn’t kill you, wouldn’t throw you out of touch with your blogging buddies….Just food for thought!
Laura, excellent analogy with the real estate.
See? This is why I love the blogging world. I can learn so much from all of you.
Oh girl, do I ever hear you. I now consider my blog my second part-time job. Pro bono, of course.
I look at it as a way to socialize with my people and commenting is an important part of that.
I look at it as a way to work on my writing, a skill I left dormant for too long. Who knows, maybe it will even make me some money someday.
I look at it as a way to preserve my sanity when sometimes it feels that all I do is laundry and dishes (at home) or direct people to the restrooms (at work).
There isn’t enough time in the days, weeks, years, to do everything we want to do. And there are times when what seemed to be necessary – like a tidy house – can’t be a priority. Little hint though, the kidlitosphere goes much quieter in the summer. Plan for some household time then.
Here’s something I wrote a year ago about reading and (not) getting things done. I thought of it when I read your post. Smiles to you, as I know it is hard to feel overwhemed.
Mother Reader, bless you. I loved your post that you linked to. It’s such a relief not to be alone in thinking and behaving this way.
And I agree with you about all the things blogging and reading other blogs brings you. So why should we quit? (Although, of course, we can quit anytime we want to. It’s not like it’s an addiction or anything . . .
Much.)
Speaking of which, Laura, I forgot to mention that your list of post-publication to-dos sounds very reasonable. I mean, what could be wrong with self-googling fourteen times a day? (Not that I already do that or anything. I mean, come on. I have laundry and decluttering to do. Ahem.)
I’ve managed to keep a pretty good limit on my non-working computer time, but it helps that I travel and don’t bring a computer with me, so I do not feel guilty about my blog time when I am home to do it.
I’ve had a really crazy-busy couple of weeks and my desk literally had 6 inches of papers covering it and I was getting deperate trying to find things. When my desk gets this bad, here’s what I do: give the kids ice pops, the dogs chewies and put them in the yard with the door locked-this gives me about 30-45 minutes of time until one of them starts breaking the windows to get back in. I turn the stereo on really loud, get a trash can, open all the file drawers and deal with it. It’s a race against time/kids/dogs and I try not to think too much about any of the things/papers on the desk-the only rule is everything must find a new home somewhere off my desk! (Admittedly, this does cause some new piles of stuff other places, but at least my desk is clean).
Oh, am I struggling with this issue, too, Robin. It stands out for me because I have a full-time job that’s completely unrelated to my blog. And like MotherReader, I feel like my blog is an unpaid, but significant, part-time job. This is sometime hard for other people to understand – they think that it’s recreational, something that I can just do whenever I happen to have some spare time.
But there are other posts coming up every hour of every day that I’m interested in, just about. And I want to comment. And participate. When I take a few days off from the blogs (because I’m traveling, usually), I miss it, but also feel stress about catching up. I hear Heather above, that the blogs will still be here when I come back. But there’ll be so much interesting new stuff, too!!
Yes, I think that it is an addiction. Healthier than many (though it has cut into my exercise time, which isn’t so healthy), with tons of great outcomes (writing practice, connections with people who are passionate about the same things, etc.). But still an addiction. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and sparking such great discussion.
Well, it’s far easier to set up a google alert which emails you the second something posted gets indexed. That saves time.
Robin,
I’ve been struggling with this debate since December (coincidentally, when I went back to full-time work). Last night a good friend told me I should quit my job, start writing, get a teaching job, and generally be a happier person. Then he added, “You might have to give up your blog, because it’s really become your focus” (implication: at the expense of your life and happiness). UGH. Just what that little devilish voice in the back of my head has been waiting to hear!
I have cut back to posting only 3 or 4 days a week now, and I let myself skip that even, if I feel like it. Also, I’m doing so much less blog-reading now than I used to, which is sad, but frankly it’s keeping me sane. I read blogs once or twice a week, and I read very fast now.
I’m doing what I can to not give it up entirely.
You guys, thank you all so much for your thoughts on this. It’s nice to know I’m not the only person struggling with it.
Deborah, I love your suggestion. I’m going to try that tomorrow. Give myself a time limit, treat it like a speed round, and just go, go, go. I think one of the things holding me back has been this sense that I have to devote a whole day to it. But I work really well under deadline, so maybe this trick will be the key for me. And just do that every two weeks or so. I’ll try and get back to you.
Patrick, unfortunately I’ve discovered that already. I don’t think I should self-google, but it’s hard to know that tool is available and not use it. I mean, don’t we all kind of wonder what people say about us?
Jen, I feel that same way you do about missing a few days of other people’s blogs–like I have so much catching up to do. I’m the kind of person who reads newspapers that my neighbor picked up for me while I was on vacation. I feel like I’m missing out if I don’t keep up. It’s a sickness, but I feel the need to be informed. That goes for my blogosphere pals, too. I need to know what y’all are doing.
And Nancy, I had to laugh at your friend’s comment about giving up the blog. They just don’t understand! It’s not a hobby–just like Jen said. For me it feels like part of my work now, and it’s a part I really enjoy. I support you cutting back, but from one blogger to another, I understand that once you start you don’t want to stop. And I don’t think you should. You’ve got a great thing going!
I only blog because Robin made me.
Actually, that’s true. I’m a blogger bully.
You should see my desk. Except it’s hidden under papers…but even before blogging, that was the case. It’s a family disease; my grandmother used to spend hours “cleaning her desk”. But then the next day, boom, just as messy as before the cleaning.
Blogging, as with anything, can become an unhealthy time suck. Finding the balance is easier said than done.
Personally, I try to keep certain blog objectives in mind; and that includes not doing everything, not blogging everything, letting some blog stuff go. If I do a Blog of the Day once a week or once a day, it’s all good. And I try to ignore any “shoulds” out there about blogging (you should blog this, you should comment there, you should do x or y or z…), both my own internal “type A” personality “shoulds”, as well as external “shoulds.”
A number of positives have come from my blogging; should the balance tip, I’d reconsider continuing.
In the meanwhile, I do wonder if it may not be smarter to have a blog with several bloggers to spread the work a bit.
Liz, you’re like a blog guru, that advice is so wise. I tend to go too overboard, too. Keeping balance would be a smart thing here.
I may show up at your door someday on a pilgrimige. Don’t freak out.
Robin,
Thank heavens for MotherReader. She led me here. I just started as a contributor to the Blue Rose Girls blog last October. I became addicted to the kidlitosphere almost instantaneously. Today I even launched my own personal blog…and barely emerged from my basement office to eat dinner. About nine o’clock this evening I came upstairs to snack on my daughter’s just baked brownies. I looked at my husband and said, “I just realized I haven’t taken a shower today.” You’re not the only one who’s got it bad! It’s great to know I’m in good company.
Elaine, welcome! But are you sure you want to do this? Run away now while you still can! Lack of showers is just the first step!
Ah, screw the dirty dishes. Really. I hate how housework comes undone. Hate it. Hate it (can you tell I’m bitter?). (In other words, you can’t just check dirty dishes off your list — you clean them; they get dirty again. How RUDE. The dishes are always giving us The Finger).
I spend too much time writing, reviewing, reading others’ blogs, etc. — my dishes and laundry and floors get ingored more ’cause of it, and I STILL don’t have enough time to read all I want to read and hate feeling like I skim too much.
But I always ask myself The Deathbed Question: When I’m on my deathbed, am I going to wish I’d done ________ more? Fill in the blank with “blogging,” as in the joy I get from reading others’ thoughts, learning about new books, connecting with others, writing reviews myself . . . and the answer is YES. Fill in the blank with “cleaning house”? Ah, screw it.
P.S. I promise I don’t live in filth.
Liz,
You’re right. Two bloggers to share the work and to balance each other during busy times (as long as they are not simultaneously busy times) is the way to go!
Heather,
I’m with you on the joy of Bloglines…except I subscribe to everything I find interesting, so there’s no real time-saving going on.
MotherReader,
I recently quit reading MY NAME IS RED. Then I gave the book away to a stranger in the art museum. Best day of my life.
Robin,
Blog as much as you can and have fun every minute you blog. When it stops being fun, go take a day long hike!
“The dishes are always giving us The Finger.” Jules, some day I want you to write a book called that, okay? Promise?
Your Deathbed Question does put it in perspective. I’m absolutely sure I won’t wish I went to Safeway one time more than I did. I despise grocery shopping almost as much as cleaning. Thanks for your support on all this, although I know I still need to back up a truck to my desk today and start clearning it off.
Mary Lee, welcome! Good job giving away the book you weren’t enjoying. The freedom is incredible.
Housework? I am not sure that word is still in my vocabulary–except when company will be coming. Then it’s a flurry of vacuuming, dusting, etc. I never invite people who are really tall. I don’t dust places that I, personally, can’t view at eye level.
As Joan Rivers once said–and I’ll paraphrase: You wash the dishes and dust and six months later you have to start all over again.
At least I’m a really good cook. I figure that’s more inportant!
And NOW I’m gonna give you the perfect excuse to keep blogging– if you do you’ll sell more books. YUP. That’s true. Why? Because I brilliantly set up your blogging ap to ping all the update services every time you post. What does that do? It creates a link for you on the update service blogroll, which helps you achieve better Google SERPs, and it notifies people who are subscribed to certain services that a blog in their interest area has been updated, which brings you traffic, and potentially more links if they like what they read. Links to your blog are the Gold Bullion of Web Currency.
And with all that extra royalty money you can pay someone to clean off your desk.
BJ, you did all that for me? THANK YOU! I think I owe you more chocolate.
Um, I did that for you when I initially set up the blog. I do it for every wordpress client. In your case it’s already paid off, but don’t thank me, it’s probably why complete strangers are entering your Chocolate Contest.
Ya takes da good wit da bad . . .
Ah yes, the blog addiction thing. I’m with Mary Lee on Bloglines. It is a sort of Kryptonite for me because I just keep adding more and more and more…
There is no such thing as balance. Healthy and unhealthy, yes. I’m trying to learn how to be healthy about my blogging habits. (My name is Sarah Louise and I have discovered that blogging can make my life unmanageable…)
Sarah Louise, I’ve got the coffee brewing. We can start our Bloggers Anonymous meeting.