All fun and games at first
So there we were, sitting around the campfire, husband, dog, me, 12-year-old niece, 9-year-old nephew. And in lieu of me telling stories until my voice gave out, the kids let me off the hook so long as I kept up this game of asking them all sorts of random questions:
–If you could have any of these three animals, and they would be perfectly tame for you, which would you want: lion, elephant, or dolphin? (Winner: dolphin.)
–If you could pick only one superpower, what would it be? (I relented and let them pick two, and it turns out we all want the same ones: invisibility and the ability to fly.)
–If you had to live alone for a year, would you rather live in the forest or on an island? (Island.)
–What character from TV do you wish were your best friend? (Hannah Montana, Hurley.)
And so on.
And while the kids and I play games like this, my husband usually tunes us out, although every now and then he’ll surprise us with something like “I’d like to be able to breathe underwater,” then go back to sipping his hot chocolate in silence.
So then I got to the question, “What would you do if an alien ship landed in this meadow right now? Would you stay to watch or would you run away?”
And the kids were pondering that–”It would be so cool! I wonder if they’re gray and have big heads. I wonder if–” when suddenly my husband broke in with, “I would run away. Immediately. I wouldn’t even take the car. I wouldn’t want to make any noise. I’d just go on foot as quickly as I could, and we’d have to be very very quiet and run like hell.”
The kids just stared at him.
He wasn’t done. “I figure if they’re here, my life is not about to get any better. They’ll want to gather specimens or do science experiments. No, thank you. I’m outa here.”
Okay, you have to understand something. My husband doesn’t believe in ANYTHING. If he can’t see it, smell it, hear it, make it in his woodshop, then it’s not worth his time. He hates fantasy, has no use for fairy tales, is all about the natural, practical world.
But obviously I’d touched a nerve.
“So you wouldn’t take the truck?” I asked. “Even though it would be faster?”
“No. If they have the technology to fly a spaceship here, they certainly have the techno to chase me down in my little piddly truck. No, I’d go immediately on foot and not look back.”
And by now the kids were A-1 freaking out. Because their normally reality-based uncle was taking the whole thing so seriously. And so now they’re thinking this is actually a possibility, and might just happen that night.
“Let’s talk about something else,” my nephew said. “Something happy.”
“We’d have to keep Bear quiet,” my husband said. “I don’t know what we’d do to keep him from barking.”
“I can’t talk about this anymore!” the nephew said. “It’s too scary. Can we talk about something else? Please?”
My husband shrugged and went back to contemplating his melting marshmallow, and for the next hour the kids and I tried to reform the air by considering only the happiest of thoughts. Nothing scary, nothing negative, or we all knew we’d have nightmares.
But just so you know, I can’t stop thinking about it. I mean, really, what would I do? The truth is, I was going with hiding somewhere and watching them until my husband had to go and scare some sense into me.
So what about you? Would you stay and watch because it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience, or would you assume nothing good could come of it, and your best bet was to flee as quickly and as quietly as possible?
And while we’re at it, what two superpowers would you most like to have? And which TV character do you wish were your best friend?
Technorati Tags: Campfire Theoretical Debates, If Aliens Land We’re All Going to Wish We Could Fly and Be Invisible
June 25th, 2007 at 6:28 am
For the spaceship question,I’d probaly would do a hybrid of both options; go a safe distance away and take cover to watch the ship land. That way,I can see if the aliens have friendly intentions or not(if not,I then have a good headstart to take off and warn the local populace).
Having two superpowers would be great;mine would be telekinesis and super strength. In case they were already taken,I’d request the ability to stop time,which would be great for crossing busy streets, and teleportation.
TV friends: Willow from BTVS,Lorelai Gilmore,Jan from The Office,Hiro Nakamura and Lois Lane of Smallville.
June 25th, 2007 at 6:32 am
Ha! Lady T, excellent superpowers. I didn’t even consider those. I like your best friends, too. I’d come to a Fantasy Barbeque with those people.
June 25th, 2007 at 6:37 am
Better yet, what would you do if there was a zombie war? Is your house defensible from zombies? If so, for how long?
The elephant is the most practical choice of the tame pet. They are much easier to use as a pack animal. Seriously, how much stuff will a dolphin carry for you?
Doctor House would make a great friend if you had a life threatening disease and if you didn’t you don’t even have to be nice to him.
And Super Speed is my super power.
June 25th, 2007 at 6:40 am
Did you see this, Robin? http://misserinmarie.blogspot.com/2007/06/interview-laura-ruby.html. So, have you read that novel or perhaps that interview, or is this a coincidence and it’s actually possible that those two desired superpowers are *that* universal? Cool.
(I’d so want to be invisible. I love people-watching, but staring is, ya know, rude and all)
June 25th, 2007 at 6:45 am
Jules, obviously Laura Ruby is part of our club. I had no idea. How funny.
Patrick, the problem with the elephant (as my niece and nephew pointed out) is the poop. If you can figure out a way to manage that, then yes, he might be nice as a pet.
Super Speed sounds dangerous. (Unlike flying.)
June 25th, 2007 at 7:13 am
yes, I can see the challenge with the poop as opposed to the need for a GIANT PORTABLE POOL.
My elephant is trained to use a shovel to clean up after himself and rinse the shovel afterward.
And you are being impractical, Super speed would give you the ability to fly or at least glide long distances. And if you vibrate at the right frequency, or step side to side, you could approximate invisibility.
June 25th, 2007 at 7:30 am
I’d be the idiot who ends up on the dissecting table after trying to communicate with them. How the HELL can you pass up an opportunity like that? I couldn’t.
June 25th, 2007 at 7:36 am
I would hide and peek. I’d want to assess the situation before running. Who knows, maybe they’re related to Ed McMahon…
Superpowers? I’d like to be invisible and be able to heal like the cheerleader on Heroes.
To clarify the last question, would that be a friend or a friend with benefits? Because that would totally change my answer.
If we’re going the best friend route, I’d pick Margie on Big Love.
June 25th, 2007 at 7:43 am
I would want to have the power to be invisible and the power to stop time. Then I would use both to stop everything around me and get really close to watch the aliens.
June 25th, 2007 at 8:02 am
mind-reading. tiger (really smart, nimble tiger that would scoop its own poop). jack bauer (even though it may result in my divorce because jack will want to marry me). i would hang around for the spacies, see if i could talk them into a weekend at canyon ranch (their treat).
June 25th, 2007 at 8:36 am
Super powers flying and the ability to metamorph.
Dolphin. I need to learn a new language.
Island since I would have a dolphin.
I think I’d stick around. I figure that if humans were in danger then running is not going to change that and besides they would have tractor beams so how far could I get. Why assume that they are a threat. I hope that they would more like the Vulcans.
But why are we speculating? Patrick what happened when you landed?
June 25th, 2007 at 9:23 am
Herb, I chased people in trucks just because I could. I let the people on foot think I couldn’t see them, too.
And I think you will make a lovely butterfly after you metamorph.
June 25th, 2007 at 9:44 am
I would stay and watch, but I would write a quick note and hide it somewhere. This puzzle brings me to another one: the US government wants people to report ANY UFO activity, right? But if you do report it, then you’re branded as loopy by the general public. Really, if you want to keep your privacy and dignity intact, you should keep the alien-landing news a secret. But if you do keep it a secret, you’re potentially committing treason, right?
What to do, what to do…
If I could have one super-power, it would be the power to understand the speech of animals, and have them understand my speech too (a la Doctor Doolittle). That would turn me back into a vegetarian, I suppose. Maybe I’d choose telekinisis, instead. I would spook the bad guys and turn them into quivering masses who would vow never to do evil again.
Best buds on tv would be Xena, Diana/ Wonder Woman (Justice League Unlimited), and Xander Harris from Buffy. I wonder if we’d all be able to do sleepovers, though. Xander and I could commiserate on not having any superpowers… except that I would have the telekinesis thing going. Sorry, Xander.
June 25th, 2007 at 9:46 am
P.S. I think that ultimately flying would be a healthier superpower than invisibility. After I read Robert Cormier’s Fade, I decided I didn’t want to have invisiblity powers. Some sort of cloaking device would come in handy, though. One needs to be practical about these matters.
June 25th, 2007 at 9:53 am
BJ, thanks for volunteering. Let us all know how that turns out.
Heather, so right on the cheerleader’s healing powers. Wouldn’t that be great? And good work on the follow-question–regular friends, not friends with ben. That’s a whole other conversation.
Deborah, ingenius. Excellent use of your superpowers.
Annette, are you still in love with Jack Bauer? I thought we’d moved on. But see note to Heather–this is regular friends. You still picking him? Also, why a tiger and not a lion? What’s so great about Tigger?
Herb, thanks for sticking around to watch. Be sure to rescue BJ, will you?
Alkelda, I want to be best friends with Xena, too! Let’s all pal around. And I hope you do have the ability to speak to animals. How cool would that be? But I’m sure you’re right about switching to vegetarianism. Can’t see killing something that asks me not to.
June 25th, 2007 at 9:54 am
Patrick, I would be a lovely butterfly and there would be peace on earth, tangerine sky etc.
June 25th, 2007 at 9:56 am
Patrick, don’t hurt BJ or Herb, all right? Just teach them a few alien card tricks and turn them loose.
June 25th, 2007 at 10:14 am
Now that your husband has made his case, perhaps if this truly happens to me, I will have the sense to run. But I fear that I will, instead, be standing there, slack-jawed, cursing myself for not having a pen and paper anywhere on me, and wondering if they have mocha lattes on the spaceship before they haul me away.
Animal: Lion, of course. I adore Aslan.
Superpowers: To teleport to anywhere in the world/universe. To become anyone I wish for a month, at least.
Best TV friends: Stacy from WNTW. Jim from The Office.
June 25th, 2007 at 10:27 am
patrick/herb, cut it out, you’re freaking me.
why tigers, you ask and not lions?simple, maintenance.
June 25th, 2007 at 11:18 am
What a fun conversation! Thanks for starting it Robin.
Patrick, you are totally cracking me up. Can your *fantasy* elephant teach my *real* dog how to scoop his own poo? That would rock!
Superpowers? I want to be like Jeannie from I dream of Jeannie and be able to wiggle my nose and instantly be at work…then wiggle my nose and be home. It would add 2 hours to my day not to have to drive!
WOOHOO! And my other superpower…it’s a tie between endless money and the ability to heal…
Aliens? I’m running…and fast. But unlike your husband, I’d take the car. I can’t drive all that fast! Maybe I’d just hide in the car. Afterall, I’d probably be too scared-silly to drive.
June 25th, 2007 at 11:23 am
OH, and I’d so pick a dolphin (or penguin — they’re my favorite!). I love dolphins. And I’d have to pick and island that has a wooded area. Oh, and we’re not talking stranded there right? Cause that would suck!
June 25th, 2007 at 11:42 am
Beth, You could ride your dolphin to the mainlands. Elephants are much slower swimmers and not as practical on a small island.
June 25th, 2007 at 11:49 am
beth, have you ever smelled penguin breath?
June 25th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
I like teleportation (for convenience) and flying (for the fun of it).
As for the aliens, I think I would be right behind your husband! No probing for me, thank you very much.
June 25th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Sara and Katie, teleportation? Oh, YEAH! Same to you, Beth, with your Jeannie-ish nose-wiggling instant transport. Wouldn’t that be so wonderful? Avoid all the airline hassles, never have to ride in a hot car, just decide where to go and handle it that very instant. I might trade invisibility for that.
Katie, I’m with you on the no probing. I find the standard women’s annual checkup invasive enough.
June 25th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Robin,
Did you see Shamalayan’s Signs (with Mel Gibson)? Scared. Me. Silly.
Superpowers I’d want: the ability to travel back in time 5 minutes, so I could undo stupid things I say or do; and the ability to talk to anyone in the world at any time and make them listen sensibly to what I have to say.
(For instance, Joe Torre, when he’s managing a Yankee game)
June 25th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
Actually…when we lived in Exeter many many years ago, there was a siting of a spaceship by a policeman about a mile or two from our house. After that, we used to go to that field and watch for them to come back. Never saw one, though.
June 25th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
annette- When were you close enough to a penguin to smell its breath?
June 25th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
Judy, seriously? What would you have done??
Nancy, when that alien in Signs walked by the window, I screamed. When its spindly alien hand shot under the door, I screamed more. But I love that movie for all its “this happened so that this could happen” plot points. I eat that stuff up.
I like your 5-minute thing, but I’d need more time. I’m not that quick on my feet. I usually realize what I should have said hours after the moment.
June 25th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
oh, there are so many things about me you do not know.
June 25th, 2007 at 5:59 pm
I always wanted to study them and get to know them…and maybe I have…after all…there’s Patrick…
June 25th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
(Psst. Judy is Patrick’s mother. Which makes her Space Mother, I guess.)
June 25th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Okay, I’m running… fast! And not looking back! Oh, but I would have to take my dog with me! That’s a given.
Nancy… yeah… Signs. Funny story. My brother was about 21 when he saw Signs. He’s 6′3, 180, strong/cool guy. Signs scared the CRAP out of him. He watched it at my parents’ house. My parents live next to an orchard, and that year the farmer was doing crop rotation and was growing corn!!! So my brother just gets done watching Signs and my dad calls down to him and asks my bro to take the trash outside. Hahaha! My dad said he never saw anyone move that fast outside! =)
Oh, and I would want to fly and control fire!
And I want Jonas Armstrong / Robin Hood to be my BFF!
June 25th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
Christen, your poor brother. Does he know we all know his secret now?
Control fire? That’s an interesting one!
June 25th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
If I could pick an animal could it be imaginary? I like dragons like in Anne McCaffrey’s world of Pern.
I like teleportation or “beam me to ..” certainly not up to the aliens.
I would want to be open, friendly to aliens but I think that truly they scare the …. out of me. I don’t watch scary movies.
June 25th, 2007 at 8:17 pm
Sure, Readerdiane, why not dragons? Will they scoop their own poop?
I don’t generally watch scary movies, either. I used to love them, now I can’t handle them.
June 25th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
a comment on spacies (i prefer not to use the term “aliens”–too pejorative, it’s their universe too) and dogs. just like you don’t have to outrun the bear, you just have to outrun “fido”–maybe best to tether the dog to a nearby tree and get the heck outta there…just a suggestion for those who prefer not to have a close encounter of any kind.
June 26th, 2007 at 1:39 am
I know I’m coming in late here, and I don’t mean to be crass with this comment, but if aliens flew all the way to Earth with their technology and know-how, what the hell would they want to hurt me for? It makes about as much sense to me as a person traveling around every square inch of the globe, and when they finally get home they think ya know what I’m gonna do with all this knowledge and wisdom I’ve amassed? I’m gonna throw the cat across the room and see what happens. Hey lookit that, she landed on her feet and ran away. Whooda thunk.
Seriously, I’m sure whatever aliens are out there, and potentially landing here, have absolutely no interest in probing my (or anybody else’s) butt.
p.s. Lion; the power to heal people and flight; island; any of the hot male characters created/written by Aaron Sorkin.
June 26th, 2007 at 6:45 am
I think with the aliens landing, I couldn’t help but watch. Don’t know that I’d go up to them, but if driving away in a truck isn’t going to do much good in the face of advanced technology, I don’t think running is going to have much of a better result. If they mean us harm, we’re pretty much hosed. (In any case, I’d be really curious as to how they got around the whole speed-of-light issue.)
And then maybe it’d be a good idea to have the dolphins around. After all, they had their own means off the planet when the Vogons came, so I figure they might be able to talk to the aforementioned aliens. While I hang out on my island with BSG’s Number Six. (”Honest, honey, she’s strictly imaginary…”)
As for superpowers, I think I’d take invulnerability (to keep the powers-that-be from killing me the moment they found out about it) and telekinesis. The way I figure it, telekinesis would also encompass flying (I could just move myself) — and besides, we saw what Magneto was able to accomplish in the X-Men movies, and he was restricted to metal…
But then again, maybe I would settle for a “find file” function that worked in real life…
June 26th, 2007 at 7:17 am
Herb, exactly what I was thinking when Annette asked me if I had spelled penguin breath. LOL…
Annette, No, I haven’t smelled penguin breath, but I’ve smelled husband breath. It can’t be much worse!
Oh, and my fantasy best friend…it would have to be Alex and Izzie from Grey’s Anatomy. Alex because he doesn’t hide any crap from you, and Izzie because she’s so stinking sweet and fights for her friends.
June 26th, 2007 at 10:09 am
Well, here’s the thing. I’d be a runner EXCEPT that I think I’d freeze. My only recurring nightmare is that some nefarious force is after me and my arms and legs are leaden and I can’t speak or move. So I guess I’d observe and try to keep breathing.
The only superpower I want is flight. And I mean, I REALLY want it. Speaking of which, I want to be Kiki from Kiki’s Delivery Service. Not a TV show, but she flies so I’ll take her…
June 26th, 2007 at 11:55 am
Annette, every dog in American is going to pee on your leg for saying that. For shame.
Lizzie, would that it were so. I’m just not so sure. I mean, we examine lower species all the time, and it’s not out of malice (I assume), but a need to understand how little minds and nervous systems work. So why wouldn’t aliens be curious about us?
Bill, do you think telekinesis alone would get you enough height and speed to really constitute flying? Magneto is awfully slow. I need the ability to get airborne and out of there in milliseconds. But invulnerability would be a nice addition–back to the Cheerleader.
(And I love your “find file” function idea! Sign me up!)
Beth, you’re right–Alex and Izzie would be a lot of fun. Think of that fab Thanksgiving meal Izzie threw a few seasons ago. So sweet.
Liz, I’ve had those fears, too. That’s why I think I’d need someone beside me to whisper “Run!”
I read that after 9/11, a lot of security experts were hired to go into businesses in the high rises and help the employees come up with an emergency plan. One of the experts actually assigned certain people on each floor the job of saying to everyone else, “Yes, that was the alarm. We need to go now.” Because people freeze up. Then we look around to see what everyone else is doing.
So I need someone on alien patrol to verify that yes, that is a spaceship, and yes, we are running now. Get the dog and keep him quiet.
June 27th, 2007 at 7:39 am
Yep. That’s why you got yer guy. Alien Patrol.
June 27th, 2007 at 11:41 am
You’ll note Space Mom didn’t mention the timing of my birth compared to this sighting. (I was born in Exeter.)
June 28th, 2007 at 7:41 pm
Herb Says:
June 25th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
annette- When were you close enough to a penguin to smell its breath?
And why?
Lion, elephant or dolphin - lion
Super powers - flying and weather control (like Storm, in the X-Men)
Forest or island - a forested island
Aliens - stay and watch
June 28th, 2007 at 8:33 pm
RM, nice mix on the forested island. And with your weather-controlling powers, you could probably figure out some way to keep the aliens distracted if they came after you, right? Tornado, maybe?