Comments on: The case against hugging

By: Hannah

Hannah — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 00:38:31 +0000

Dear Robin,
I agree hugging is totally out and crosses too many lines. Why make it akward? Instead, I ask why aren’t more people kissing? I think that you of all people would appreciate the fact that a fat kiss on the lips with a soon to be new friend just seems so much more classic! And its not like it can linger. You smooch and move on with your life. It’s time we get with the rest of the world and start kissing instead of hugging.

By: Emily

Emily — Wed, 19 Apr 2006 23:55:05 +0000

It is so hard to say if I am just so used to the unwelcome touches of near strangers that I’ve been desensitized. I myself am no longer very bugged by hugging. Part of what I do is I have two kinds of hugs: one for people I would hug anyway, and one for the unwelcome huggers. I call the one that I give freely a “breast hug.” This has nothing to do, really, with breasts. Rather, it has to do with the difference between a full and welcoming embrace, and a short and distanced embrace. I think we all have a version of the “non-breast hug,” probably involving an angling of our bodies away from the unwelcome hugger. Full, honest embraces are reserved for people with whom you are totally comfortable. Still, I’m probably a little desensitized to the kind of casual human contact that motivates people to hug anybody they know. At any rate, your niece would definitely appreciate people respecting her boundaries. It would be good to encourage this, too.

By: Jan

Jan — Wed, 19 Apr 2006 20:18:25 +0000

As a hugger, I am on the other side of this fence. Having taught women’s self-defense, I have watched the panic on many faces as I would approach to show a technique requiring close contact. I would explain what I needed to show and most would agree, reluctantly, although some would say they “just couldn’t do it.” I am deeply concerned with womens’ safety and completely on board with their right to self-determination. It is SO MUCH EASIER at age 50 to express “NO” than it was at 30 or 40. If I could clearly remember 11 or 16 or 21, I am sure it was painfully horrible. A hugger is not as traumatized when rejected as a person who has to retreat inside just to tolerate being touched.

By: Carolyn

Carolyn — Wed, 19 Apr 2006 18:58:12 +0000

I don’t know how you daintily get out of a hug situation. I always just take it, and I have to say if the person is nice, then I feel the love there. If the person is a pig, then I catch that vibe. So, I use the hug as a sort of vibe meter to get the vibe of the person. Then, the person falls into either the nice category or the mean category (unfortunately, for life). So, the hug can be used as a tool, if one is as black and white as I am.