The dead zone
I wasn’t going to post about this, but then I figured you guys already know I’m weird, and I do weird things, so really, what’s the harm? Besides, every strange thing I try is really just “research.” (Cough.)
A little background: I have a wonderful massage therapist, Michele, who’s been doing this technique on me lately called chi nei tsang. It’s deep belly massage, down to the organs. And it feels both invasive and wonderful. I mean, who among us ever has their stomach touched? On purpose? Don’t we usually shy away from that–”no, that’s my fat pocket” or “ew, a little too personal there, bub.”
But Michele is safe, so she gets to get in there and root around and make me pay attention to spots I haven’t paid attention to since birth.
So she was doing chi nei tsang on me a few weeks ago, and she poked her hands really deep into my right side, and suddenly I knew exactly what particular walls of concrete she had just hit: furthest right was law school, a little to the left was my law practice, and a tad to the left of that was my husband’s ex-wife.
I was carrying them all in my belly.
Because they say, those “they” people, that we hold a lot of our emotions in our gut. And there was my proof. These hard, protective layers I’d built up just to keep me from being so scared and angry all the time. Which have been my main go-to emotions for most of my life.
So Michele kept it up for almost the whole session, and I had to lie there and enjoy some flashbacks, like being called on my first year in law school and always feeling like I had no business being there with all those overachievers; like that last case I handled right before I decided law was no longer for me; like those horrible, miserable phone calls with the ex-wife designed to cause as much suffering as possible to me, my husband, and the kids (or so it felt at the time) (and by the way, I came along years after the divorce, so don’t look at me).
All there in painful sludgy glory deep on my right side. Thank you so much.
But afterward I felt so much better. And when I went back for my next session, I had Michele do it some more. A total gut-poking junkie was I.
Which is why, when I heard there was a self-chi nei tsang class being taught last Friday, I was all over that. I was the only civilian in the room–everyone else was a body worker of some kind. But I didn’t care. Teach me to poke my gut.
And I did, for an hour straight. Massaged my little belly button. Kneaded my intestines. Unearthed all those pockets of concrete and relentlessly massaged them out.
And the weird part (in case none of this so far is weird enough) was that as I was working my way around the abdomen, I found this whole section that was completely dead. Like it wasn’t even connected to the blood supply. Like it was clay just slapped on me.
But I stayed with her, my dead zone. I coaxed her back to life. I got some blood flow in there, I figured out how to breathe there, and now I have this whole integrated belly that’s soft as jello. I mean, it’s the oddest thing. You think by the time you’re an adult you probably know your body pretty well, but all it takes is actually paying attention to ALL of it–even some of the parts you normally criticize for being too flabby or pointless or embarrassing–and suddenly the whole system likes what’s going on and works so much better. And I won’t go into it, but part of the proof is what’s been . . . um, eliminated since then. We’re talking some weird shapes, like twisted bits of rope. Okay, that’s all I’m saying. La, la, la, not talking about it.
So all weekend long, I made a point of spending time with the former dead zone every day. I felt like Fezzik: “You moved your finger! That’s wonderful!” Only in my case, it was, “You gurgled! That’s wonderful!”
So my request of you today, if you’ve read this far (please say you haven’t), is that you just try this for yourself. Tonight when you’re lying in bed, give yourself a little belly massage–I mean ALL of your belly, including the parts you may not like. The parts you think are too fat or too squishy or whatever. Just pay your poor gut some attention. And when you find parts that feel a little stiff or numb, don’t just run away. Stay there. Be nice. Be willing to bring your stomach back into your life. You may be like me, and want to keep working deeper and deeper, just to see what . . . happens. The next day. You understand.
Okay, now back to our normally-scheduled blog. Anyone see any good movies this weekend?
Technorati Tags: Posts I Will Probably Regret
July 2nd, 2007 at 6:09 am
Robin,
I strongly encourage you to not eat your husband’s ex-wife or any people you formerly associated with in law practice and do eat more fiber.
I think the rest of the blog is with me on this one.
July 2nd, 2007 at 6:22 am
Oh, Patrick, where were you in those formative years? You could have saved me so much suffering.
July 2nd, 2007 at 7:05 am
I was hiding so I wouldn’t be eaten.
July 2nd, 2007 at 7:14 am
I think Patrick said it best.
I saw Big Momma’s House. What can I say?
I’m off to NYC for a week of fun, fun, fun!
July 2nd, 2007 at 7:23 am
Patrick, if you’d seen me in college, you’d know that’s a reasonable fear.
Have a great time, Deborah!!
July 2nd, 2007 at 7:28 am
Okay, I’m willing to take a go at this. All in the name of research.
So how do you do a self chi nei tsang? Do you have to massage counterclockwise or clockwise motion if you were looking down at it? Do you have to start in one particular section of your belly and then move outwards or inwards?
See, these are the things I want to know. Because if I’m gonna exorcize some bad stuff out of me, it better be gone for good. That’s all I’m saying.
July 2nd, 2007 at 7:35 am
Hey, hey, that makes total sense to me. I wonder if the stuff in the gut has anything to do with the chakras. I was never much for chakras and such until I heard/read Carolyn Myss’s breakdown of the chakras and how they corresponded to the Catholic seven sacraments and Judaic Tree of Life.
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:05 am
I wonder if the Chicago conference is because Robin wants to eat blog people.
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:19 am
Alkelda, I’m not that versed in the chakras, but I know that would add a whole other level to this. And I love Carolyn Myss’s work!
Vivian, here’s the scoop: you start at the rim of the belly button (not actually inside the bb) and work outward in slowly expanding circles. Be pretty light about it the first round–just give all of your belly some attention without going in for the deep work yet. You’ll get a sense in the first round of which areas feel tight and will want more attention.
Take your time with this. A 20-minute session is pretty reasonable. After the first series of circles, then you can go back and start wiggling your fingers into those sensitive pockets. Don’t hurt yourself, but don’t be shy, either. What worked for me is working until I could feel my heartbeat in that area. That told me I’d actually revitalized some of the dead parts.
Do it clockwise, circling right to left.
The key is to not just gloss over areas you want to ignore because you’ve always ignored them. That’s why going slowly, giving yourself lots and lots of time is important. Take time to bring it all back to life.
Does that help?
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:21 am
I might try this tomorrow after my husband goes out of town. Don’t want to have to explain what I’m doing or have him draw his own sordid conclusions.
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:23 am
Good call, Heather. It is pretty personal.
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:33 am
Interesting. This immediately went out of my comfort zone. Not reading about you doing it, but the thought of doing it… I can’t even think of it. It weirds me out.
I wonder what that means, other than that Patrick would probably be safe around me.
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:34 am
Robin,
This is great. I’m going to tell my sister about this and try it on myself. My sister used to live in California and is really into holistic body work. She would totally approve. Thanks.
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:40 am
I *like* holding tension in my stomach. It’s better than crunches.
I saw Ratatouille. Brad Bird has always been one of my favorite filmmakers, and this is no exception.
July 2nd, 2007 at 9:25 am
Katie, I think there’s a big pocket of concrete there called “film school.” Don’t be shy–check it out.
Vivian, let me know what you two think!
Diana, if you enjoy it, who am I to interfere? And I’m glad you said that about Ratatouille. I’ve been thinking about seeing it, but wasn’t sure.
July 2nd, 2007 at 9:35 am
Robin, the Iron Giant is one of my all-time favorite films, and I loved the Incredibles, too. Why weren’t you sure about Ratatouille? It’s been getting amazing reviews!
July 2nd, 2007 at 10:17 am
The truth is I wasn’t sure I could muster up some kids as cover, which meant going by myself. Sometimes I feel like solo-animation, sometimes not. But maybe this will be a nice afternoon movie treat this week.
July 2nd, 2007 at 10:31 am
I find myself in the INCREDIBLY ODD position of agreeing with Patrick’s first comment . . .
Will little wonders never cease.
July 2nd, 2007 at 11:25 am
Careful BJ, Robin is going to want to poke your belly to exorcise that Space Lord anxiety.
July 2nd, 2007 at 11:29 am
Wrong. There was a portion of the workshop where we could poke each other’s bellies, and I declined. I am exclusively a self-poker.
July 2nd, 2007 at 2:32 pm
I’m going to wait to comment on this until I try it. (But bravo, Robin for having the guts…hee, hee…to write about this.)
Ratatouille: saw it with my husband, and my 18 and 16 year olds. I’d hardly call them “cover” and we all had a great time. My favorite thing is the rat’s nose. Really. It’s just so CUTE. Most of all, I appreciated that the screenwriter respected his audience of all ages and wrote a great story.
Can’t same the same for the preview for the BRATZ movie. Whoever got paid for that should be forced to watch it over and over until they promise NEVER to do it again.
July 2nd, 2007 at 4:37 pm
robin, i still don’t get it. could you please post some pics–perhaps of you performing this procedure in your meticulously ordered home office?
July 2nd, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Annette, now that’s just mean.
July 2nd, 2007 at 6:54 pm
Okay, I’m intrigued. I definitely carry stress in my tummy - I get chronically nauseous when I’m long-term upset about something. I’ll give this a try. Thanks for sharing, Robin.
Please notice the restraint I’m showing here in not commenting on Robin’s “self-poker” statement.
July 2nd, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Thanks, Eisha, because you know I meant it in all innocence. Didn’t occur to me until I read your comment that it might be otherwise.
Amish.
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Patrick, does the fact that Robin might eat you mean you aren’t coming to the Chicago conference? Scaredy Cat!
Robin, I’m SOOO trying this tonight. After a birthday party for my son that involved difficult family…I need some tension relief!
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:15 pm
This is brilliant. This is why so many people cry in yoga, especially after a bunch of spinal twists. You just squeeze and push all the old tough-n-nasty stuff out of there. Makes you want to crylaugh. Belly massage will be happening here. Update to follow…
July 3rd, 2007 at 4:12 am
Robin, what can I say, the sense-of-humor portion of my brain stalled in 5th grade.
I tried this last night. Not sure if I was doing it right (shut up, 5th grade eisha, SHUT UP) but there was definitely gurgling going on.
July 3rd, 2007 at 6:11 am
I’m a 5th-grader, too, Eisha. That’s why I do these things in private, even though for some reason I’m willing to talk about them in public.
July 3rd, 2007 at 7:52 am
Of course, what I did *immediately* was click to see if you’d written any other posts you’d tagged “Posts I Will Probably Regret.” Alas that you had not!
July 3rd, 2007 at 7:56 am
Oh, believe me, Adrienne, they’re there. I just haven’t gotten around to tagging them all properly. Too scary to revisit them.
July 3rd, 2007 at 7:59 pm
Some say Scaredy Cat, some say Genius!
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:03 pm
Thanks for sharing, Robin. It’s really interesting.
I saw Live Free or Die Hard. I didn’t think I would like it, but it was HILARIOUS. Yes, full of death and destruction and yet funny and campy too. It’s all just so ridiculous, you have to laugh. They come up with such creative ways for Bruce Willis to destroy things! Two thumbs up.
July 4th, 2007 at 7:28 am
Robin - This is great “civilian” insight into CNT. For those of you who will be trying some self treatment the direction you should go is very important. If you are looking down at your abdomen, move from the right side to the left side - basically the direction of the intestines, wouldn’t want to be backing up anything.
It’s very intersting to me all the different responses. Remember, this technique is very helpful.
Chi = energy and information
Nei Tsang = Visera or internal organs
Chi Nei Tsang translates into “working the energy and programming of the internal organs” or “transformation of visceral attitude”. You are basically helping your organs communicate more clearly with each other. But can’t we all use a little “attitude” adjustment?
Good luck to those of you willing to try and to those of you who are shy with your belly’s maybe just try some deep breathing, which will massage the organs from the inside. If you’re one of those “no way” people (Patrick), don’t worry, just thinking about that will be sending it love and encouragement.
July 4th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
Michele, you can touch my belly - just don’t let Robin eat me.
I’ll tell you though, my belly doesn’t gurgle much now that I avoid carbonated beverages.
And I knead more work under my shoulder blades than my belly.
July 4th, 2007 at 5:52 pm
Okay, this is now officially out of hand. Take it outside.
July 4th, 2007 at 6:36 pm
One too many - eat me - comments? My bad.
July 4th, 2007 at 7:54 pm
Hey i read this and i was looking into this because im so stressed out and people were telling me that i was making myself sick because i was getting alot of stomachaches..do you think it would help??
July 4th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
Missy, give it a try! Reread Michele’s comment (#34 above) for further information on the technique.
July 5th, 2007 at 11:42 am
Robin:
I have the good fortune to live in the same town you do…..
That good fortune is enhanced occasionally when I am able to actually schedule an appointment with the busy Michele with one L……
Self-Chi Nei Tsang may become the rage, however when I seek alignment and programming I think I’ll opt for Michele’s professional touch…..
Movie recommendation: SICKO
Warning: Michele will have to remove another chunk of concrete…..
July 5th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Ha! Thanks for the tip about Sicko, Grant. I’m really anxious to see it!
July 7th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
One of my favorite currently-airing TV shows is The Dead Zone…
July 8th, 2007 at 8:43 am
Cool, Little Willow. Do they all rub their tummies?