The Friday List (nice things you did for yourself this week)
On Wednesday I wrote about my plan to get more sleep and also my (short-lived) plan to go without coffee for 21 days. Coffee and I are very happy together again, thanks. (Perfect timing, since Alkelda surprised me this week with a gift of her favorite local coffee. Thank you!)
Then other people wrote in with some of their sleep and food and other self-improvement issues, and finally Diana couldn’t take it anymore: “I’m trying to understand the asceticism I’m seeing around here. Why is everyone so determined to give up things they enjoy? Everything in moderation and don’t worry about it.”
And I answered as I usually do when pressed on these matters: “Because I’m weird.”
But that answer has been bothering me, because I actually don’t think I’m weird. Not anymore.
See, here’s the thing: I view my whole life as one grand science experiment. I’m always trying to do better, feel better, behave better, etc. So I experiment with what I eat, how I exercise, how quickly I can forgive people, how many books I can read in a year, how nice I can be to myself on a daily basis–all that kind of stuff and more–because I take a lot of pleasure out of seeing my life and every part of it improve. That just happens to entertain me. I can understand that other people would be all, “Enough already! Eat the chocolate!” But I like to know whether cutting out sugar feels better than having a little every day, and I like to know if seeing at least one movie a week feels like the right amount to keep me sane, and I like to know if playing with Bear before bed every night makes us both happier, and if reading more books makes me a better writer. All a big experiment. Everything I do.
Maybe it does seem freakish from the outside. But I really, really like playing with my life this way. I hold in mind this picture of me at 85, still healthy and vibrant and interested in the world. Still writing. Still reading as much as I can. Still doing public speaking. Still with a big smile on my face every single morning.
And I wonder what things I need to do today and tomorrow and next year to make me into that woman. It’s fun to figure out all those steps and then to take them.
I agree with Diana that moderation is a good thing. I certainly tend to swing to the extremes, because that seems to be how my personality likes it. And that, as a matter of fact, is one of the things I’m working on, because my 85-year-old self is plenty chill about everything. So if I’m going to be her, I’d better get crackin’.
One of the reasons I love seeing what you guys write in for this list every week is that I’m always on the lookout for great ideas about how to treat myself well. Doing that now will help me build the happy old woman I’m going to be. And there’s no reason I can’t be a happy younger woman now, right?
But enough about me and my experiments. Your turn. What little (or big) kindnesses did you spring on yourselves this week? I might just need to copy.
Technorati Tags: The Friday List, Self-Care, Pampering, Simplification, Joy, Happiness, Success, Building the Old People We Want To Be
May 25th, 2007 at 5:49 am
I visited Jim and scored a bounty of books.
Orge Company
World War Z
The Subtle Knife
The Last Mortal Man
Already read Ogre Company.(Although I am still going to report it on Tuesday)
A fun little rump sort of like The Fifth Element which is among my favorite movies.
May 25th, 2007 at 6:33 am
How funny, Robin! I’ve been thinking about Diana’s comments the past 2 days as well and wondering what’s wrong with me, because she is, of course, correct. Everything in moderation is how we should all live.
Except…I’ve learned in my 40 years here, that I am not a moderate person and I’m just not going to become one. I’m an all-or-nothing type of gal. So…to become that 85-year-old we all want to be, you have to find a way to become moderate in your life. For some of us, I’m afraid, that means eliminating things we *can’t* be moderate about. If, for example, I order a plate of nachos, I can’t eat half like a moderate person. I eat the whole thing. So, in order to be moderate, I have to choose: either order kid nachos if that’s what I really want, or, better, go for a salad with spicy sauce (since that’s what I really want anyway–the spice) instead.
I truly envy moderate people. But I wan’t born that way. When I look at my birth family (mom, dad, sisters), 3/5 of us are “all or nothing” and in my own family (husband, daughter, son), 2/4 of us are “all or nothing.” I’m afraid it’s genetic.
Whew! Rambling here. On to the “being nice to self” issue at hand: I’ve given myself 4 hours a day this week to writing. Also, I’ve been walking and enjoying the outdoors a great deal. All and all this has been a fabulous week.
May 25th, 2007 at 6:35 am
I responded at length here.
Thanks for giving me something to think about, Robin!
I made a major decision recently, and it was really hard to do, so the kindness I did myself was trusting my instincts, becuase it worked out wonderfully.
May 25th, 2007 at 7:04 am
Diana, thanks for that long and thoughtful blog post about this today. I hope you all follow the link and go read it. Lots to taste and chew on.
Kelly, I appreciate you laying it out like that–the all-or-nothing personality. I’m sitting right with you at that picnic table while everyone else enjoys their moderate lives. The world needs people like us as much as it needs the go-easiers.
And how lovely that you got outside more and that you wrote so much this week. Look how sweet you were to yourself.
Patrick, The Subtle Knife was my absolute favorite of that His Dark Materials trilogy. You’re not skipping the first book, though, right? Enjoy your book gorge.
May 25th, 2007 at 7:09 am
I’ve read The Golden Compass.
May 25th, 2007 at 7:31 am
If I have the cash and I want something, I buy it. If I don’t have the cash, oh well. I don’t use credit cards because I feel bad when I use them. So that’s a nice thing I do for myself.
May 25th, 2007 at 7:44 am
Very interesting post, Diana! Thanks for writing out your thoughts.
May 25th, 2007 at 8:38 am
Nice things this week:
I daydreamed at work (this just hasn’t been a terrifically productive week for me, but it’s been fun).
I booked a weekend trip to a B&B.
I bought a Choxie Fiery Chocolate bar and made it last all week. That stuff is pure heaven to me.
I drank a can of Coke when I was in desperate need of caffeine. I still stick by my “quit caffeine 8 years ago” story though.
I gave myself permission to spend this coming Monday alone and do nothing nothing nothing. It’s been a while since I’ve done that, and my inner introvert could use the downtime.
May 25th, 2007 at 9:43 am
I took a risk and cut my hair shorter than I normally do. I knew my husband would like it no matter what…he has the rosiest of all the world’s rose-colored glasses…and sure enough, he said: “You look HOT.” But I also got the “Mom, nice hair” from my 16 year old son, so I’m feeling preeeety risk-taking punchy today.
Robin, loved your explanation of your “weirdness.” Life as an experiment. Planned evolution. Yeah, I can see that. Only thing is, I identify with this quote from EB WHITE: “I wake up each morning determined both to change the world and to have one hell of a good time. That makes planning the day difficult.”
May 25th, 2007 at 11:20 am
Heather, that seems like some excellent financial planning. And you’re right, it saves a lot of anxiety.
Nancy, you always do so well at this game! Love your Monday/Memorial Day plan. Sounds heavenly.
Sara, to get the nod on the haircut from both men in your house? Bonus! And thanks so much for that E.B. White quote. I’ve never heard it and I LOVE it!
May 25th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
I go through bouts of despair because I can’t seem to lose my pregnancy weight (from 4 years ago). I’m trying to exercise and eat healthily, but in the evenings, I crave sweets and salty snacks. The nice thing I’m doing this week is telling myself, “You do what you need to do in order to be healthy, and I’ll take care of the rest.” In other words, I need a little divine intervention.
May 25th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
P.S. Also, I bought frozen shrimp to serve with lunch today. Shrimp is a “once in a rare while” treat for me because of all the environmental baggage associated with it.
May 25th, 2007 at 12:16 pm
Nice thing I did for myself: I wrote my name on a piece of paper. Can’t say more than that right now, but it felt really good.
May 25th, 2007 at 12:26 pm
Alkelda, I’m all for that! I think that’s a wonderful way to make changes.
Barry, you big tease! I know what it is, and I know you’ll announce it soon, but can’t we at least tell people you didn’t just write your name, but you signed something? Not that that lessens the mystery.
May 25th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
I remembered at the last minute that today is the last day to sign up for for the early bird town summer swim pass. That just makes me sound so cheap, doesn’t it? Well, it was all worth it since I saved $40. I bought myself some kickin’ sandals. Yahoo!
May 25th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
1. Relieved myself of some heavy burdens.
2. Got the moving company to refund part of the moving costs plus pay for damage.
3. Replaced my small hand-cranked (a real pain in the a**) snow cone maker with an electric shaved ice/snow cone/slushie maker.
4. Got rid of some big clunky computers and replaced with wireless lap tops.
5. Bought a deluxe regular and metric set of Allen wrenches for my very own.
May 25th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
Sara, great E.B. White quote. And I’m sure your hair cut looks great; you’d look beautiful if you were bald.
My nice thing: I read Nancy Crocker’s Billie Standish Was Here, and it’s some fine, fine writing and one of the most beautiful things you’ll ever, ever read. I couldn’t put it down. Will talk about it on the blog once I can find the words and once I let all the beauty sink in a bit more. (It’ll be out in June — DON’T MISS THIS ONE)…
May 25th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
Jules, I take a recommendation like that seriously. I’ll read it.
Deborah, what a fine list this week! Glad your move is over, and that you found satisfaction for your troubles with the movers. Plus you bought yourself some fun toys.
And Vivian, what could ever be wrong with grabbing a discount when you can? Especially if it then leads to buying some kickin’ sandals?
May 25th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
I went to DisneyWorld!
May 25th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
No way, PJ! How fun!
May 25th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
The nicest thing I did for myself was five minutes ago I walked away from my dad and got on the Internet, because I didn’t want to chat for one more minute.
The crazy thing is, my dad isn’t usually a huge talker, but today, we’ve been talking all day. It is usually my mom’s job to suck every bit of time away from me. My dad is always the doer, so I’m particularly thrown.
When he started talking about feeling bad about something, I had to pipe in with, “You know what makes me feel better sometimes? Power washing the deck.” He laughed, but he didn’t get out there in the backyard and make himself useful.
Anyway, before I got off on that little bit, I was going to say how much I liked your post today. I, too, have wondered about the different things I see people cutting back and I wonder why. But mostly I am envious that you can do it at all. My willpower is so weak, that I can give up cookies and eat one within a five minute period. I like your life is a science experiment concept.
May 25th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Mother Reader, is it wrong of me to laugh at the fact that your father didn’t get the hint to go power wash the deck? That was a really good try, though.
Reading your blog from yesterday I know how completely overwhelmed and overscheduled you are right now, and so walking away from a conversation that was using up more time than you wanted to give sounds like an excellent piece of self-pampering.
We can do a lot, but we can’t do everything. And when you’re highly capable like you are, no one’s going to say stop until you do. They’ll just keep piling it on because you can do everything, right? Endlessly!
So hang in there, and make sure you steal some time for yourself every day. Everyone will be happier if you’re happier.
May 25th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
I didn’t do a very good job at this “be nice to yourself” thing for most of this this week. Just too much going on. But tonight when I got home from a long day of teaching a class, instead of doing the class follow-up, or responding to the email that piled up during the day, I went for a walk (listening to the new Lee Child book), and now I’m having wine and cheese, and watching a TV show that I recorded on Tivo.
Thanks, Robin, for making this all something to be celebrated!
May 25th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
barry, you are the coy one!!! did the paper have “dreamworks” or “columbia” on the top?????
the nice thing i did for myself this weekend is bite the bullet and spend two full days tending to a bunch of nagging loose ends around my house–ie meet the washer repair guy, the rodent removal guy, the plumber guy, the irrigation repair guy, the patch the roof guy, the deep root feed the trees guy (now mind you i’m married to a guy who can do all of these things–but we don’t want to go anywhere close to that)–you can’t believe how satisfying. also had the finish decorating the study, get new lamps for the bedroom gal over–yeah.
May 25th, 2007 at 6:57 pm
Jen, I honestly believe it’s important to treat ourselves kindly. It’s so easy to always do for others, then wait around for someone to return the favor. But you can return the favor yourself. Like buying one Christmas present for someone, and buying another one for yourself.
Annette, isn’t working down a house to-do list like that just the best? That’s why your husband doesn’t do those jobs. He wants you to have the satisfaction.
May 25th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
Oh, I’m totally on Annette’s husband’s side here. I don’t want to meet those people. I think I said it all .
http://www.patiscool.org/2007/04/i-love-servants-though-they-make-me.html
Power to Annette’s Husband!
Nuff said.
May 25th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Ha! Patrick, I enjoyed that post when I read it on your blog. How appropriate here.
May 25th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
I’ve been playing with my new violin, and hoping I’m not developing any bad habits as I’m still on the mad fiddlinist teacher hunt. Apparently they’re very rare. Most violin teachers are either classical violinists OR fiddlers. And apparently the twain only meets in places like New Mexico or Florida, both of which are a bit too far to travel for lessons. But I’m going to a park cleanup tomorrow where all the bluegrass people will be. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
Anyway, that’s the thing I’m doing for myself. A half hour a day. The beauty of it is that I finally found something that torments Briggsy, the cat (instead of the other way around, like it usually is, adorable monster-cat from hell that he is.) Briggsy sees the violin come out of the case, jumps up on me, swats the bow, and heads for his spot under the bed, three rooms away, where he can be found with his paws covering his ears until ten minutes after my practicing stops.
May 25th, 2007 at 8:33 pm
BJ, I love it! Both the fact that you’re giving yourself the gift of violin and that you’re driving your cat crazy as part of the bargain. I can totally picture it!
May 25th, 2007 at 9:39 pm
wow patrick, checked out your site, is it a spring thing? i’ve like deleted this whole post from my hard drive so my husband will NEVER find it–too pornish.
May 26th, 2007 at 5:03 am
Hey BJ,
I used to play classical violin for years. It is difficult to find someone to teach who fiddles. I just found these DVD’s on Amazon.com and activemusician.com/music–kenny_kosek. I haven’t seen them, so don’t really know about the quality.
One is called Learn Bluegrass Fiddle by Kenny Kosek and the other is Become a Better Fiddler! Bluegrass Tunes & Techniques by Kenny Kosek.
Good luck!
May 26th, 2007 at 5:05 am
I forgot to mention, I don’t know anything about the website activemusician.com — it just showed up on my google search. Good luck!
May 26th, 2007 at 7:13 am
Thanks, Vivian! In talking with Missy’s mom (Missy is the 14 year old gal who is going to be taking lessons with me– it’s gonna be a hot competition, and she’ll probably beat my butt) I think we decided to give the search another week or two, but if we can’t find a teacher willing to teach both styles, we’re going with the one very nice classical teacher who I liked when I interviewed her.
May 26th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Funny thing that I can admit now. It turned out that I just needed to plug the dryer in. Apparently this is important to dryers.
May 26th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
Boy, Patrick, you do need servants.
May 27th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
I sat and played with my children.
May 27th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Jeny, welcome! That sounds so relaxing. I wonder who loved it more–you or your children?
May 27th, 2007 at 8:11 pm
This is great! I just found you through MotherReader.
This week I’m going to take my pastels outside tomorrow and draw, which I haven’t done for awhile. Thanks for making me take some time for myself!
May 27th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
NYC Teacher, I’m so happy to hear we have another convert to self-kindness! Looking forward to seeing your report this coming Friday!
May 28th, 2007 at 6:32 am
Robin,
I am thankful that I can eat one truffle a day. Once though, I lived with a friend and her housecleaner, ate the remaining truffle, that was in the freezer, waiting for me. I was so mad.
Today my nice thing is to plant my garden.
May 28th, 2007 at 6:45 am
Jone, again I commend you on your restraint with the truffles. I’m guessing most chocolate contest winners are like I am, and would be done with the box within two days. You’re good.
Enjoy your garden!