The Friday List (nice things you’ve done for yourself this week)
I ask you, one and all, why is so hard to say no?
I can do it at a distance–either after I’ve had the chance to think something over, or sometimes right away if it’s by e-mail–but face-to-face or in a phone conversation, my head says no but my mouth says yes.
Because I hate to disappoint people. Or seem like I’m not a good sport. Or whatever lengthy list of reasons I have for constantly agreeing to do what I really don’t want to do.
And yesterday was no different. There I was on a phone call, agreeing to do four presentations in one day at a school, when I know very well that my capacity is two. My presentations take a lot of energy, and I can’t just do that over and over without giving myself a massive headache and ending up all cranky. Not to mention hitting the wall midway through the third event–not a fun thing to see.
So as soon as I hung up I immediately started berating myself: “Why can’t you ever say no?” And the reason that particular time was that the request took me by surprise, and once again I wanted to be a good sport, etc.
But this time I actually took steps to fix it. After consultation with my AA (Authors’ Anonymous) sponsor (you may identify yourself on the blog if you choose, but I won’t out you) and a follow-up with the trusted advisor I’m married to, I realized the thing to do was send an e-mail right away, before any plans got solidified, explaining what I just said above about my capacity for presentations. I have no idea if the woman I spoke to earlier will be disappointed when she reads that, but it was just me being honest–and I think that’s the least I owe myself and everyone else.
Whew. It’s still hard to do. Why is it so hard to do? You’d think you get to a point in your adulthood when you can just speak the truth right away, even if you’re caught off guard. It frustrates me that as much as I try to work on this skill, mastery still eludes me.
Oh, well.
So that’s my belated effort to do something nice for myself this week. How about you guys? What charming, sweet things have you done on your own behalfs? (Behalves? That doesn’t look right.)
Technorati Tags: The Friday List, Self-Kindness, Self-Pampering, Learning To Say No
February 1st, 2008 at 8:02 am
Good for you, Robin.
I treated myself to some good television programming. I don’t really watch a whole lot of it, but my husband got me hooked on Battlestar Galactica, and we finished Season One. (And “Lost”? I hadn’t even considered that the guy in the chair looked like Jack’s dad, but you’re right. Again: creepy) . . .
February 1st, 2008 at 8:05 am
I started exercising again, for the first time in… oh, months. And I rearranged my office at work in a way that is far more pleasing to the body and soul. And I played with my Kindle and downloaded lots of sample chapters…
But I still haven’t made cheese yet!
February 1st, 2008 at 8:45 am
Hmmm… please remind me again (if you will) of the context of the guy in the rocking chair.
I hear you on the saying “no” part and recognizing your limits. I had always thought I was pretty good at it, but there are times when I would say “yes” because I figured I was being close-minded, pessimistic or just plain cooperative. Sometimes I was glad I said yes, and sometimes I wish I had just said (at jobs, especially), “I’m not going to do this, and here’s what I think we should do instead.” With my daughter’s school, I volunteer for the things I know that I can easily do (and that have a short deadline) in the hopes that I’ve staved off guilt for not volunteering for the big projects.
Ha ha ha.
February 1st, 2008 at 8:59 am
My good thing for myself is the nerdiest thing ever. But since I’m pretty sure I’m in the company of nerds on this blog, I can freely admit that this week I submitted a vacation request form to take a day off - April 29th - the day Augusten Burroughs’ new book comes out.
Can’t wait.
February 1st, 2008 at 9:38 am
Jules, a little down time with some great TV–sign me up. Totally agree with the pampering aspect of that.
Katie, way to go! That must feel good (after, you know, you get over the soreness). And how nice that you redid your office. But dude, make some cheese! I want to know how it turns out!
Alkelda, the rocking chair thing is from last night’s episode of Lost. Are you an addicted fan like some of us? If so, go back to that post and look at the link Jules provided–juicy stuff there.
Molly, you are fabulous. I love that idea! What a fan–I hope Augusten finds out some day how devoted you are. He’ll really appreciate it.
February 1st, 2008 at 10:09 am
I belive it remains singular. behalf.
And you can look to me to steer your grammar wrong.
This week, I worked. Sort of. Either way, my inner computer geek was rather satisfied. No, there are no signs of an outer computer geek. Even the glasses are cool and stylish. No visible geek on me…
It’s really simple, Robin. You give them the choice of “no”. My rates are X for 2 presentations, the 3rd and 4th are ONE BILLION DOLLARS. And at this point, I believe it’s wise to add CANADIAN, ’cause our dollar is crap or something like that.
And now on to my airport delay followed by the Atlanta Dash for Connecting Flight. Clearly, I need the exercise….
February 1st, 2008 at 10:22 am
Good job on the saying ‘no’ front, Robin! All those reasons making it hard to do sound all-too familiar.
My best thing in a while was last weekend’s trip to York, where my BF lived for several years. It’s a gorgeous city (I’d never been) and we had a fantastic time. I finally LJed it today, which was good - sometimes I seem to get bloggers’ block when I don’t do a write-up right-this-second-now and then feel guilty and overwhelmed by being bloggely behind.
Aside from that, there just might have been a little bit of pick-me-up book ordering: February’s going to be an un-fun month altogether, and I hope Sweethearts (recommended by Jen and Kelly, among many others) and The Spell Book of Listen Taylor will go some way towards dispelling the gloom!
February 1st, 2008 at 11:19 am
I actually was having the same dilemma this week with my co-workers. I just didn’t want to go out with them because frankly, I just don’t like them anymore, but with them egging me on as much as they did, I just couldn’t say no! I actually got a mini lecture from MY husband about saying no…how funny.
As for doing something nice for yourself…I ate a lot of ice cream this week. It was a stressful week!
February 1st, 2008 at 11:33 am
Goot for you!
I watched lost, got some more wrtiting done since I seem to be getting into it though I feel like what I got done is still not very goot… and then I also went to the library and got don’t sweat the small stuff for teens! lol
February 1st, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Congratulations on saying no, Robin. I do know how hard that is. Much easier to do via email, though, than in person or on the phone.
I watched Lost this week, too. And the 1995 version of Persuasion. And I carved out some time during the week to write reviews, which is something that I rarely do during the week.
February 1st, 2008 at 5:03 pm
I hesitate to say it, but Patrick’s one billion dollars Canadian idea is brilliant.
Since I know I have a hard time expressing myself clearly in these telephone or face-to-face situations, I almost always use a delaying tactic, such as, “Oh, you know, I’m going to have to check on a couple things and get back to you about that.” That way I can get my thoughts together and make sure I wind up doing something I’m comfortable with.
For me, today I took a half-day from work and took care of dealing with some paperwork in my office (including getting the tax papers together). It’s was a bit of a chore, but it feels so good to have it all done.
February 1st, 2008 at 6:31 pm
I hesitate to say it, but thanks Adrienne, you’re very astute to recognize my brilliance.
February 1st, 2008 at 8:59 pm
Patrick, thanks for the grammar lesson–I trust you completely. (Test: Is “alright” ever proper? Or is it always “all right”? I know the answer–let’s see if you do.) And thanks for the advice about presentations, which I will totally not take. No matter what Adrienne says.
Lady S, how nice that you made it to NY finally! What fun! And I know what you mean about not blogging about something right away–you feel like you’ve lost the feeling for the thing.
Shai, your situation sounds much harder than mine. Sorry–I feel for you. Ice cream definitely seems in order.
Dylan, I’m sure Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens will be great–I loved the original book.
Jen, did you like the 1995 version better? I really liked the newer version better–mainly because the new guy was so damn cute.
Adrienne, I really like that strategy–I’ll try that. And I admire you for getting your tax papers together already–ugh, I need to do that.
February 1st, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Doesn’t the same rule follow when you accept a speaking or (4) that you have 24 hours to change your mind? I am thinking of the ol’ vacuum cleaner salesperson that just gave me a ‘free’ carpet cleaning and says I must, need, etc. the easy to do cleaner appliance myself. I have signed a few documents over time and then kicked the wall knowing that was not what I wanted or needed to buy. I actually get some sick enjoyment calling the salesperson and telling him/her to pick up the item and watch me tear up the payment plan—I don’t need the item nor want it in my house. It takes some practice but it works and then you feel so good that you didn’t get bulldozed again.
I know you are a tough lady under the chocolate umbrella and you can do it too. Four presentations in one day!! Give us a break.
February 2nd, 2008 at 4:38 am
Sorry, Robin - I need to ‘disambiguate’ more often, as my BF put it (as it happens, when I said something about visiting Jersey, meaning the island rather than the US state). It was the older York in the UK I visited last weekend, not the new, US one. I have been to the other York (the US one again!) often, though most recent visit was in 2003, after a family wedding in Boston. Hmm - don’t think there are other Bostons of note, but not sure. My older daughter was born in Ithaca - oh, here we go again - that’s Ithaca, NY, not Greece! I like to think I’d be less confused/confusing if not for my mongrel background, appreciative of it as I am…
February 2nd, 2008 at 6:01 am
I like Adrienne’s advice for working up the gusto to say no to something. “I’ll check and get back to you.” This way, you appear as though you are truly considering the request (and maybe you are), but you also leave room to come back and say (truthfully or not), “I’m sorry, but my schedule will not allow it at this time.”
My nice thing was sitting down and watching both the Lost recap show and the actual premiere WITH NO OTHER DISTRACTIONS. This is very rare. I thoroughly enjoyed myself (see my comments on your rocking chair post). Oh, please, let the strike find resolution soon!
February 2nd, 2008 at 6:09 am
You really want to test me?
The associated press has outlawed alright.
But fiction writers can do what ever they damn well please. I mean, next the grammar police will attempt to outlaw joined words like ‘already’, ‘always’, ‘altogether’, ‘today’, and ‘yesterday’.
common usage will eventually prevail and we fiction writers should be on the forefront of the battle combining words to eventually remove all whitespace.
February 2nd, 2008 at 6:55 am
Thanks, MJG. That’s some wicked fun you’re talking about, cancelling purchases. You’re right–there is some relief/pleasure in that.
Lady S, maybe I just need to read more closely. It’s me, not you. Still glad you had a great time!
Kelley, watching Lost without distractions is absolutely essential to family harmony. People here have been in grave danger by stopping in the living room, staring at the screen and saying, “Boy, he looks stressed.” Or “What’s happening now?” What’s happening now is I’m about to throw this chair at you, buster. No offense. Keep up the good work, Kelley.
Patrick, it’s why I’m carrying on the crusade of that girl in Mean Girls to make “fetch” a cool word. As in “That’s so fetch, he’s so fetch, that purse is so fetch,” etc. Join me?
February 2nd, 2008 at 8:01 am
I’lldroptheFETCHBombineveryconversation!
whitespaceisunnecessary,alright?
February 2nd, 2008 at 9:23 am
My nice thing this week was cleaning the house really good for the boy’s bible study that is held on Thursday nights. For the next 10 or so days we have a friend from Scotland (the pastor of the church who came here for a mission trip) visiting us for a revival of sorts. It’s going to be really fun, we have a “talent” show tonight!
February 2nd, 2008 at 9:34 am
It is it’s really good I should buy it! lol BTW I just got a Shelfari anyone else have one?
February 2nd, 2008 at 10:35 am
I took some time off from studying to go to a concert last night, and I had fun dancing even though I don’t really know how.
February 2nd, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Good for you, Robin! I know, you get that pang of “Ugh, crap, there went some of my credibility” but then you realize that (to quote Diana) the happiness level of the universe has increased because you stood up for yourself and your limitations. Yay Robin! Cookies all around. White-chip macadamia nut ones.
This is something I actually did last week, but I reaped the benefits today: I laid down $25 for four brand-new, shiny-wonderful manga from Amazon and they came in today. And–gasp!–it’s something that’s not Fullmetal Alchemist. It’s a psychological detective thriller and I love it so far, so if anyone’s into that kind of thing, give it a shot. You won’t be disappointed. Mildly creeped out, perhaps, but not disappointed.
Well, that’s my manga commercial for the week, I suppose. That counts as a nice thing for me too. I love throwing books at people to see if they stick. Especially things they wouldn’t have thought to try.
February 2nd, 2008 at 9:40 pm
I liked the 1995 version of Persuasion better, Robin. It was a bit more detailed, and I felt like it filled in the context and motivations better. And I think I liked the guy in the 1995 version better, though I know that’s not a universal opinion.
February 3rd, 2008 at 5:36 pm
I am an aunt! My niece was born on Friday! My sister and her new daughter have clean bills of health.
Her husband was there, as was our mom and his parents, and everything went well. Phew.
What did I do for myself this week? Some important things. I went to the doctor. I spoke to someone who had a clue. I made myself do what I should.