The Friday List (nice things you’ve done for yourself this week)
My nice things this week involve the phone. I, like many of you, have that insane Pavlovian need to answer any ringing telephone. If I hear one go too long in a department store or restaurant, I want to reach over and answer that one, too.
But this week, in an effort to re-establish some quiet and harmony in my life, I took the drastic step of turning off the phone for long parts of the day. Because I know I’m not strong enough (yet) to hear the ringing and let it go, I did myself the favor of silencing it. And friends, it has been WONDERFUL. Next week, more of the same. And maybe forever.
A key part of that system is having the courtesy to call people back within a reasonable amount of time. Otherwise you’re all peaceful and relaxed, but your friends and family are ticked. Not the direction we want to head with this.
Which brings me to the second phone-related nice thing of the week.
There are two people–both service-providers who have earned some decent dollars from me–who could not be bothered to return my calls this week. So I fired them. Neither of them knows it yet, but they will because one day they’ll realize I haven’t called in months. And I won’t ever again. I don’t feel the need to have any confrontation about it, but I’m just done. I’m tired of chasing people down–”Please, oh please, can I give you my money?” Sheesh.
I remember a seminar I attended when I was a lawyer, about ways to avoid malpractice claims. You know the number one complaint clients have? That their lawyers don’t return their calls. Then whatever little irritation that client might have had with how the case is going suddenly turns into a bigger problem, because now the client gets madder and madder the more time that goes by without a return call. So the seminar leader’s suggestion–which I followed from that day on–is that we always return all of our calls within 24 hours. It’s hard when all you have is bad news (and that’s why a lot of us avoided calling our clients), but knowing that our obstinate silence would only make the problem worse really hit home with me.
Because haven’t you felt that way yourselves? Whether it’s your children or your doctor or a friend, if someone doesn’t call you back in a decent amount of time (24-48 hours–although 24 would be best), you find yourself nursing some hidden rage. Because it’s just as if that person is telling you to your face that you’re not important. And hearing four or five days later, “Hey, sorry, it’s been crazy” doesn’t really cut it. Unless the person has been out of town or in the hospital, I guess I expect some response, even if it’s just “Hi, I saw that you called, things are crazy and I’ve only got about five minutes, but what’s up?”
So those are my thoughts and my nice things for the week. How about you guys?
Technorati Tags: The Friday List, Self-Care, Self-Pampering, Self-Kindness
Hi, I’ve only got two minutes. This week I bought new shoes.
I’m having my hair cut today.
I trimmed three inches off myself last night so I wouldn’t have a panic attack at the hairdressers when my hair hits the floor. So right now it looks like my kids trimmed it because I’m not good with scissors.
Oh, and I cut my finger.
Oh, we did this to an extreme, Robin. Turned off all phones and all answering machines. Then people started to get mad at us, so we at least turned the answering machine back on. Still, it’s caucus season around here and every other phone call is Chris Dodd inviting you to dinner, or Hillary with an important message, or a student calling on behalf of Barack or John. Still haven’t made up my minds, folks!! Don’t expect me to pick up the phone.
Blather alert: I know I am going to blather on here, Robin, because, well, I don’t want to do it on my blog.
In many ways this has been a difficult week. Someone close to me died this week. He was the father of my best friend from childhood. A wonderful man, a superb father, and just a great person. He was 80, but he was the one person in the world I thought would live well to 100. Didn’t drink, smoke, was social and kind, funny (looks and acts a lot like Bob Newhart). Instead he had a horrible death. Cancer’s a bitch, I tell you.
So, I am very sad. But also have experienced some painfully good moments too. I cried on the phone with my childhood friend for an hour and it was amazing to share this this time with her. The last book he read? Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, even though it was heavy and he was weak.
Anyway, it’s been a profound week and it’s difficult to isolate a good thing I’ve done for myself. Just being alive, I think.
Oh, Kelly, I’m so sorry. (And you’re always welcome to blather here–although what you said doesn’t qualify as blathering.) It’s wonderful to have people like that in your life, and so hard to see them go–especially if it’s a hard go like that. I hope you’ll take extra-kind care of yourself right now. I’m sure the kind of father you described would have wanted you to be sweet to yourself right now. ((Hugs to you, Kelly.))
Heather, smart move on the early, hideous cut. Now you have no choice but to fix it, and you’re right–it does take away that initial shock. I’m sure you’ll look great!
Patrick, dress or sports?
Casu – new pair of slip-ons.
I ate lots of pizza and ice cream with someone I like very much. I also had a good cry. No, really, a good one.
I think I’ve mentioned before how getting sick is your body’s way of telling you “Oy! You’re doing too much! You’re not taking care of me! STOP!”
Well, this week I listened. Missed three days of school – the only reason I didn’t miss four is because on Wednesday, my not being there would have screwed over the other three kids in my performance group in drama class, and it’s Class-A Not Cool. But I spent Tuesday, Thursday, and today forcing fluids, reading blogs, reading books, and sleeping. And writing.
By the way, Robin, thanks for the wonderfully delicious chocolate.
We’re busting into it this afternoon, as we had a new batch of brownies we’d baked that we had to rid ourselves of first, but it looks divine.
Good for you Robin! I totally understand that! Only for me it’s text messages! O_O
Bravo, Robin. I really dislike talking on the phone (see, I really am a misanthrope, though you said you don’t believe me — that’s probably ’cause I LIKE all you kidlitosphere people). So, anyway, I’ve dreamt about turning off the phone before, too.
I love this post, ’cause I am a big, big stickler on courtesy. I mean, you might think, ‘well, who isn’t?’ But it *does* seem so prevalent any more for people to do the kinds of things you’re talking about — not calling back when they said they would, etc. It’s just simple consideration — to do what you suggested at the end of your post — to call someone and say, ‘I haven’t forgotten you. I might be in a hurry now, but I haven’t forgotten!!’ I also can’t stand it when people break promises, which I think is related to what you typed, but I won’t get started.
My nice thing: Spent a beautiful fall morning at the zoo with my daughters. Hey, provide a story time at any ‘ol place, and I’m there. The zoo lady read the book in that condescending sing-song way, as if children are stupid, but even THAT didn’t bug me, ’cause it was a gorgeous day and I’m happy I can spend them with my girls.
I am horrible with phone calls. I hate talking on the phone, hate answering it, hate everything about it. I think it comes from my past as a receptionist/assistant. One of my bosses used to make me go down her phone list every night, call people and tell them that “Miss X is really sorry she didn’t have a chance to call you today, but you’re on her list for tomorrow” — and then the next day I would have to call the same people and say the same thing. And if it was a person she didn’t want to talk to, I was expected to call every day. Some people were like, “I know you’re trying to be nice, but just don’t bother.”
Plus the people whose calls she would return at 7:30 pm — and it was “their problem” if they happened to have gone home to see their families.
Wait, where was I?
Nice things. I worked from home yesterday. I ate a stunning piece of barbecue chicken for lunch on Wednesday. And I’m about to run away from the office and go fabric shopping.
Good for you, Robin. Why do candidates think that an automated chat will win your heart and vote?
Nice thing: Apple and cheese sandwiches. Do you need the recipe, Robin? I recommend honeycrisp apples paired with Havarti.
Also, I played around for hours with Garage Band, experimenting with podcasts. It’s a good mix of the creative and the techie, which always makes me happy.
I had a terrific salad every night this week with dinner made with just picked mustard greens from my garden, thinly sliced pears and sharp cheddar cheese crumbles. Delicious. I also have plans tonight to see a good friend I haven’t been able to get to see for a few months and we plan to laugh, laugh, laugh! Have a great weekend all!
I typed on my MLIS paper today. Not a fun way to spend a Friday, but I finally overcame a huge case of writer’s block. Now my sister has to edit it! Haha!
How funny that you turned off the phone today, because I almost called you on my way to work. I guess I wouldn’t have reached you. (I also realized that it was about 6:30 a.m. your time and that might be a bit early to chat.)
Today I treated myself to writing on my blog instead of showering OR brushing my hair – which I did at the red lights on the way to work. It was fun to feel so casual about my public appearance.
(Okay, I also bought three sweaters at Rugged Warehouse and I like ‘em.)
Seems like a lot of us wish to avoid phone conversations if at all possible. I’d rather email any day, though it’s nice every once and a while to hear someone’s voice. My mom is the only person I want to call every single day.
I spent some birthday money buying adorable shoes, corduroy pants, and soft, warm shirts. I also chose to stroll the baby with a friend, breathing in the fresh, cool air and enjoying the beautiful trees rather than staying home to work. Which is what I SHOULD have done. (:
Molly, happy for the pizza part, sorry for the crying part. Hope you won’t always associate that with pizza–that would be a crime.
Miri, I love it that you took care of yourself! I agree with you about the message of illness–the body’s last resort to make you pay attention. Good thing you did. You’ll be spit-spot by next week.
Dylan, I didn’t even think about the text message aspect. Another thing that’s so hard to ignore! But if I can retrain myself, you can, too. (If you want–if not, enjoy!)
Jules, love your zoo visit! And way to power through the sing-songey voice–that sort of thing annoys me, too. Talk to kids like real people, please.
Katie, what an ugly job! That must have strained your good humor. Aren’t you glad you’ve moved on from that? Now you have the glamour writing life, including fabric shopping in the middle of the day. Sweet!
Sara, I just discovered those honeycrisp apples, too! They’re ginormous, aren’t they? But so incredibly crisp and sweet–delish. With havarti–you have stolen my heart.
Deborah, how glorious that you’re eating out of your own garden. I love pears on a salad. Mmm. Hope you’re having fun with your laugh fest!
Katie Sis (ooh, I like that), overcoming writer’s block and knocking something off your to-do list–major treat for yourself. Hurray!
Mother Reader, I would have been shocked to get a call from you at any point in the day, let alone at 6:30. I forgot you even have my phone number. Call to chat whenever! (Well, except before 8:00 in the morning or after 8:00 at night–am I the only one who can’t stand hearing the phone ring too early or too late? My body just isn’t ready for it sometimes.)
Kelley, high five on that. E-mail except for mothers and a few friends. Nothing against everyone else–just trying to keep the noise to a manageable level. How sweet that you took a nature stroll with the baby! Hey, but you’d better be knuckling down and editing your sister’s paper now, don’t you think? (Whoops, a “should.” Sorry.)
lol no i really should take your advice! It would be so much easier on my mental health…
I smiled when I read your post, Robin. I have my phone turned off whenever I don’t want to be distracted. I have a little light that flashes when I have a message, so it’s easy to check. Then I can return calls at my convenience.
On the converse, I utilize all this technology to forward my phone calls to my cell phone on school days whenever I’m out of the house. That way, if there is an emergency at the kid’s school or something (knock on wood), and the school gets confused on which phone number to call, I get the phone call right away. No worries.
Make the phone work for you.
Just boring this week – took myself off to bed when a cold started feeling like it wanted to turn into something worse. With beta-reading and Christmas knitting rather than comfort reading, but still good. It meant I missed Tuesday Book Club but hadn’t much read since last time anyway!
Also on a not-very-interesting health note, got myself to the chiropodist and got insoles made – turns out one leg’s significantly longer than the other. I learned that the body protects the lower spine by effectively shortening the longer leg through underpronation which hurts the knee and possibly hip. I thought that was fascinating, though the insoles feel well weird as I’m getting used to them!
I’m a day late again! Ah, well!
I don’t love talking on the phone, and I’m one of those people who happily ignores it. I am really good at blocking out noise, though; I think it comes of working with children for so long. Of course, one does have to return phone calls. That’s important.
This week, my nice thing is that I decided that I was going to take a couple days off work at the end of the month so I can spend a little more time sitting around the house (ignoring the phone). Just putting in the sheet asking for the time off felt great.
I worked.
I rehearsed.
I went to the doctor.
Chiming in a bit late to say that I also don’t like talking on the phone. I would so much rather email, or see people in person. I’m pretty good about ignoring it, but sometimes I still feel guilty. Glad to know that I’m not alone in disliking it.
Nice things … I said no to some things this week. And I definitely thought about your battle against “should” this weekend, and used it to help steel myself.
Late, seems to be my style recently. My nice thing is that I stayed home Monday to take care of me. It was the most fabulous day of the week. Agree about the phone call returns.
Little Willow – Rehearsing symptoms to get your drug of choice? BRILLIANT!!!
Patrick: More like I’m not feeling well and no one knows what’s wrong with me.