I’m at a conference for work this week so won’t be at your event tomorrow, but I wish I were! Here’s a virtual hug for you and your entire amazing list of RSVPs … hope you all have a fantastic time!!

CAREFUL PEOPLE! SHE’S GOING TO TONGUE YOUR EAR!!!

Patrick, the things I was tricked into saying at my book launch obviously do not count in the real world. Anything I said there was within the Cone of Silence. Don’t you remember signing that waiver?

Deborah, sorry you can’t be here (I’m up in Chicago already). But don’t be doing that social kissing thing–that’s where I draw the line. I’m glad we could sort that out before a crisis.

Jules, of course.

Vivian, it’s so wrong that you’re not here! But next year for sure. We’re just working out the kinks before you come.

Kelley, I don’t pretend to know the solution to all of this. I can understand relatives wanting to hug an adorable child. But I can also understand the child not just going for it when she doesn’t really know those people. I just believe that it’s important to teach girls in particular that they are in charge of their bodies and how they use them. And if something doesn’t feel comfortable, they should have the right to say no.

Adrienne, I can now put a checkmark next to your name–hugged!

Sarah, I wish you were here. Next year?

Alkelda, I totally agree on the kisses. Kisses are for romantic partners, not friends. Love that West Wing snippet! Too funny!

Katie, I think that’s my story, too. Handshakes still feel right in a lot of situations, but hugs are feeling more and more right in others. It’s a process of learning your own comfort level, even in adulthood.

Yeah, Little Willow, that makes a lot of sense. Don’t withhold it when you’re feeling it, but also don’t just give it out because it seems like the thing to do socially.

With grownups, I often wait for the other person to initiate physical contact. I have to laugh, though, when I remember the West Wing episode where the character Josh Lyman has messed up pretty badly, and then after he comes to a place of forgiveness with his supervisor, Josh makes a motion to hug him. “What are you doing?” his supervisor asks. “I thought this was a hugging moment,” Josh replies. “You thought wrong,” his supervisor says.

(And I did remember that post, by the by.)

I did go back and read your post about hugging, though, and it made me feel guilty about my almost 3-year-old (come November 5, I can drop the “almost”). She’ll gladly hug her grandparents, but the “greats” are a different story. She doesn’t see them often enough to feel comfortable with them, and yet they always expect a hug. I’ve felt torn between encouraging her to be respectful, open, and friendly and telling them to back off and give her some time. One great-grandma thinks if she hands my daughter a box of animal crackers, that should bridge any gap and start a hugging free-for-all. When I step back and assess it, it’s a horrible lesson I’m teaching my girl when I take part in shaming her for not being more loving toward people she barely knows. And yet they think she’s stubborn, shy, or even rude. It’s terribly unfair to a child, I think. Thanks for that post, whether or not you regret it. (: