Comments on: What if I’d gone out for Starbucks?

By: Emily

Emily — Sun, 24 Dec 2006 04:54:55 +0000

It could’ve been worse– the toilet could have overflowed just then, too. THAT would be fun.
There is definitely such a thing as too much adventure.

By: annette

annette — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 15:04:23 +0000

as do i.

By: robin

robin — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 13:27:18 +0000

Patrick, I enjoy your world.

By: Patrick

Patrick — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 13:05:02 +0000

Hour 2 - 10:01 AM
(These things seem to always take 24 hours)

1. Check watch impatiently.
2. Draw Glock and shout “Put down the attitude and give me my Vente Latte!”" regardless of the fact that you are fourth in line.
3. Grab what ever drink is being handed to the first person and run out the door to the sound of helicopters.
4. Watch the jeep explode in a hail of .50 Cal shells from the helicopter.
5. Shoot the sliding door of a passing soccer mom mini-van hitting the electronic open switch so the door slides open smoothly.
6. Dive in the mini-van as the white helicopter chase the black helicopter away.
7. Discover soccer mom is a man, slap him with handle of the glock and kick him out of van.
8. Place Vente Latte in cup holder
9. Accelerate to top velocity in reverse to chase the helicopters
10. A lear jet lands on a private airfield on the outskirts of NY city.

10:59 AM

By: annette

annette — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 00:24:20 +0000

patrick, you’ve got me down pat. (how’d you know it’s a berretta?) deborah i feel so bad for you. if it ever happens again give me a call and i’ll shoot you out, even if i have to take a priest or two down in the process.

i think the moral to these tales is “preparedness”. do not go to the bathroom, a confessional or starbucks without being fully clothed with (if you live in an area of inclement weather) some outerwear susceptible to “layering”, a handgun, a AAA card (or equivalent), a cell phone, flathead screw driver, latest edition of sports illustrated (or new york times crossword puzzle, depending on one’s taste) and, personally, i go nowhere without my night-vision goggles.

By: robin

robin — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 21:43:21 +0000

Michele, I especially like the part of the moral involving wearing your nighty. I don’t think I’ve heard that term in a long, long time, and it actually made me laugh out loud. Thank you.

Deborah, being trapped in a confessional when you’re a young child sounds worse than any Stephen King novel. Must have required plenty of therapy to get over that.

Patrick, speaking of laughing . . .

By: Michele

Michele — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 21:38:23 +0000

True story…..I was also trapped in the bathroom - alone in the house. So, what should I do? My house, built in 1956 has the wonderful casement windows, yes crank the handle to get the window open. Well, fortunately for me, the window leads into the Arizona room and not to the outside like it once had back in 1956. So, I cranked it as far as I could and balanced on the edge of the tub and hoisted myself up. Not an easy task I might add because the ledge of the window is only 4 inches wide and the opening is only 12 inches wide by 22 inches tall (yes I measured). I was able to squeeze through the window and drop the 5 feet into the AZ room with minor damage. Finally using the familiar flathead screwdriver trick I managed to open the door. The faulty door now has since been replaced.

The moral of the story, never go to the bathroom alone in your house, without your cell phone, wearing only your nighty. Who would have thought we had to take so many precautions?

By: Deborah

Deborah — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 20:07:45 +0000

Wow! I kinda want to lock myself, or Patrick, in the bathroom just to see Annette do this!

I’ve never been locked in a bathroom, but I have been locked in a very dark, very small confessional in a church as a young child. I still break out in a sweat thinking about it and about the priest and nun who ‘rescued’ me.

By: Patrick

Patrick — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 19:48:33 +0000

NO! I’ve never locked my wife in a bathroom and pretended it was an accident. (Read through the lies people)

If this was an ‘accident’, then you have to think ‘How would Annette handle this?’

1. Yell “Move back from the door”
2. Draw your berretta and take two steps back.
3. Unload a full clip into the door at random points.
4. Retrieve additional clip from the dresser and reload
5. Fire at door handle
6. Run outside because you hear helicopters
7. Shoot at black helicopter cause clearly the white one is trying to help.
8. Dive into jeep
9. Check for keys, find them, then hot wire anyway by shooting the dashboard.
10. Drive to starbucks
11. Jump out of jeep while it is still moving and roll across the parking lot.

Well, at this point, you kind of have to wait in line like everyone else.

By: Diana

Diana — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 18:13:57 +0000

I feel for Lynnie. I had a similar problem after reading that Stephen King story about the finger sticking out of the sink. I’m over it now… mostly.