Fiction author Robin Brande talks about writing, reading, and other vital matters

It’s possible that at the end of watching Lost just now, when it was during the previews for next week, the phone rang. And it’s possible that I shouted into the phone, “Hold on! Previews!” And that the voice on the other end would not hold on, but insisted on saying, “I already saw them! What did you think?”

And so I had to yell again, “Shut up! Previews!” And I was so ticked I’d just missed a few sentences of them, but I did catch the part about how next week we’ll learn who another member of the Oceanic Six is.

Then the previews were over, and I said, “What?” in a not so cheery voice, because seriously, people, who calls during Lost previews? We all need to hear every single second of what that show is telling us, because everything is a clue.

And my mother said, “So, what did you think?” because our family watches the show from several remote locations and must discuss it immediately, sometimes even commercials.

But I was in no mood, because I was still holding a grudge about the preview thing. So I offered a few short responses about my dear mother’s theories, knowing all the while I needed to get her off the phone right away so I could call my brother.

As soon as I did, it’s possible I had many loud, choice things to say about our mother and her propensity to NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT’S IMPORTANT. He was right with me, once he heard her crime. It’s possible he used phrases like, “unprofessional” and “what is with this family?” (because earlier today he revealed that our older brother pronounced last week’s show “eh.” Excuse me? Did you not have your hearing aids in?) (Great, now I owe him an apology, too. My older brother does not wear hearing aids. But he is completely stupid if he thinks last week’s show wasn’t awesome.)

So anyway, even though my “good” brother didn’t have me on speaker phone yet, because it wasn’t time to discuss all of our theories as a group, it’s possible that I was yelling so loudly and using some potty mouth words against our mother and my niece and nephew’s grandmother, and apparently they heard all the things I said, and even though I asked them to disregard the potty mouth, they, too, had to agree that Granny was clearly out of line with that premature phone call.

Ahem. So.

The last thing my mother said to me before I ended that phone call was, “Call me back if you guys come to any more conclusions.” So just to be a smart aleck, I did call her back and said, “Our conclusion is that none of us can believe you didn’t wait to watch the previews. Everyone knows there will be previews.”

And she said, “But I did see the previews. I heard that part about how next week we’re going to find out who another one of the Oceanic Six was. Why did I see that before you did?”

And then the little light went off.

See, it’s possible that even though I’ve warned my husband repeatedly that he is not to talk to me during Lost unless his head is actually on fire, tonight he dared interrupt me because he couldn’t find where I’d hidden the chocolate. And even though it was absolutely critical that he not speak to me and that I not be forced to answer him, I remembered that we recently installed a DVR, and that one of its features is that I can actually pause a show mid-broadcast and not miss a single moment.

Do you see where this is going?

At least I can say I was man enough to tell my mother right then that I was a total idiot. And to apologize for all the mean things I’d just said about her behind her back. Because she was right–I’d watched the rest of the show, including previews, a full minute later than she had. The beauty of technology.

And then I called back my brother, had him put me on speaker phone, and explained to him, his wife, and my niece and nephew that I am a total buffoon. I said obviously we must blame my husband for the whole thing because of his chocolate request, and my good brother said no, we must blame technology.

So there you go. Mother, I publicly apologize for technology.

Aside from that, wasn’t it a great show tonight, everyone?

Technorati Tags: Lost Theories

Posted on Thursday, February 7th, 2008 at 9:51 pm under Movies & TV . Subscribe to responses: RSS 2.0 Comment Feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.