Love without sex
All of your comments in the last few days about the need for more full-frontal nudity in films (my vote: no, thank you) has gotten me thinking about all of the great films showing intense love, but not a drip of sex.
And I don’t mean the love of a girl for her car or a boy for his pet lion–I’m talking deep, heady romance without the consummation.
Think of Michelle Yeoh and Chow Yun Fat’s characters in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Or the longing looks between Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice.
One of the pleasures of a Jane Austen novel–and the movies made from those novels–is that they’re all about courtship and romance rather than hot, sweaty sex. (With one exception, which we’ll get to.)
In Jane Austen’s stories people talk. They glance. They dance. We can feel how close to bursting their hearts are, but they’re not ripping their shirts open to prove it.
On the plane back from London a few weeks ago, after I’d indulged in the Jane Austen Tour, I read a dating advice book called Jane Austen’s Guide to Romance by Lauren Henderson. Loved it (not because I’m looking for dating advice, but because the more I can read about Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, the better). Ms. Henderson analyzes the behavior of all our favorite heroines from the novels, and extracts the lessons we can still use today. (For example, forget the idea of playing hard-to-get. If you like a man, let him know–just like Charlotte tells Elizabeth in P & P. On the other hand, don’t be a total loon about it, throwing yourself at him and then making yourself sick when it doesn’t work out, a la Marianne in Sense and Sensibility.)
There are few things I like better than to sit down with the A&E version of Pride and Prejudice and keep replaying that scene toward the end (no, not the wet shirt scene–another one) where Darcy gives Elizabeth a particular look, and it’s so filled with love and longing you want to scream, “Just get it over with, will you?!!”
I know there are some who will always resent the current remake of P & P starring Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfayden (yes, Diana, I know), but I happen to like it. A LOT. Matthew Macfayden does it for me. But I do have one HUGE problem with that movie.
It’s the scene at the very end, and it’s the total invention of the screenwriter. Elizabeth and Darcy are out on his deck (or the palatial equivalent of it), drinking wine and staring at the lights from the fountain. And Elizabeth reaches up and strokes Darcy’s bare calf. EXCUSE ME?? Yes, they’re married by then, but YOU DO NOT STROKE A MAN’S BARE LEG IN A JANE AUSTEN NOVEL. That, my friends, is sex, and it has no business intruding on the love story. The people who have sex in Jane Austen’s novels are silly and wanton and doomed. Why couldn’t the screenwriter just leave the story alone? A kiss would have been thrilling enough (no tongue, even).
Okay, just had to get that out of my system. So now back to you guys. What movies do you love where there is intense romance, intense longing, but not a whiff of sex? And do you agree that sometimes those can be more satisfying than having it all spelled out for us in bare flesh and groaning?
Or am I just being hopelessly prudish?
Technorati Tags: Movies, Films, Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth Bennet, Mr. Darcy, Lauren Henderson, Sense and Sensibility, Keira Knightley, Matthew Macfayden, Film Scrubbing, Movie Scrubbing
July 14th, 2006 at 10:13 am
OK, at the risk of missing the point…
Die Hard.
No, seriously. That movie is a total romance. A man who loves his wife so much that he just will not give up — no matter what stands in his way — until he’s rescued her. At first blush, it appears to capitulate to misogynist notions of womanhood, but watch it with a close eye on Bonnie Bedelia — she’s one of the strongest characters in the movie, willing AND able to stand up to the terrorists while her other half stalks the bad guys.
No sex; just one man and one woman surviving until they can be together.
July 14th, 2006 at 10:14 am
Excellent example, Barry. You’re absolutely right. And I never would have thought of that movie, so thanks.
July 14th, 2006 at 12:27 pm
I’m drawing a blank.
I must be corrupted.
I’ll have to think about this one.
July 14th, 2006 at 12:37 pm
Oh!!!!
Ladyhawke. I don’t think there was any sex in that movie. Angst, love, but no sex. I think.
How’s that for confident?
July 14th, 2006 at 12:40 pm
Never saw that one, Heather. Recommend?
July 14th, 2006 at 12:50 pm
This is one of the movies Deb Dixon recommends in her book GMC: Goal, Motivation, and Conflict. I would recommend it just because she did. It is one of my favorite romances from the 80’s.
July 14th, 2006 at 2:17 pm
I can’t disagree - the hottest love stories are those where the tension just builds and builds. Unrequited love is where it’s at!!!
I’m gonna sound like a sicko, but I LOVE the relationship between Hannibal and Clarice in Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal (but not Hannibal the book, that was Thomas Harris giving us all the finger). There’s just SO MUCH there - the characters have so much depth and passion - but everything between them stays under the surface and never makes itself known through anything other than a gesture, sigh, or look…except when he sticks her to the refrigerator, but that’s about as ’sex’ as you’re gonna get!
Also in long-running TV series, I love relationships like Josh and Donna on West Wing, Casey and Dana on Sports Night, Inara and Mal on Firefly, or Mulder and Scully on The X-Files (even though it was a COMPLETE let down in the end) because it takes more than just the duration of a movie or a book to climax - it takes YEARS!
Not to mention every movie prior to like 1969 could only imply or euphemize sexual activity, so it was up to the filmmaker’s creativity and your imagination to fill in the blank. Come on, how hot were movies like The Apartment or Philadelphia Story!?
Oh man, I could go on and on… So I’ll just shut up now and go watch something sappy!
July 14th, 2006 at 2:34 pm
heather dawn, like you i’ve drawn a blank, mine however has persisted even after thinking awhile. in fact i’ve been obsessing on the sexiest movies i’ve seen over the years–quite pleasant actually. question though–am i the only woman on this blog who has fallen in love with barry based on his comment–or just the only one who’s woman enough to admit it? by the way barry, i can handle an uzi like nobodys business. i hope i haven’t said too much, or too little…
July 14th, 2006 at 2:37 pm
Oh, yes, Lizzie, definitely Mulder and Scully. Those few times they kissed–magical. Can’t go with you on the Hannibal and Clarice thing, although I understand your point. But no, ultimately, ick.
And yes to all those old movies. Although isn’t it shocking to see how much Ingrid Bergman and Cary Grant kiss in Notorious?
July 14th, 2006 at 7:00 pm
I’m not wearing shorts around Robin any more. Bare calf touching = sex… I wouldn’t want to stir up any fantasies. I have very nice calves.
You and Clinton would have an interesting debate on the topic of how to define sex.
I’m trying to think of romantic non-romance movies. Drawing a blank.
Star Wars? The love of Chewbacca and C3-PO?
July 14th, 2006 at 8:42 pm
Patrick, what’re you thinking?! Everyone knows C3-PO is in love with R2-D2!!!
July 15th, 2006 at 6:34 am
When you compare the dynamics, you’ll realize that C3-P0 and R2-D2 were related, like Luke and Leia, even though there was an implied romantic angle.
It’s a parallel plot line to the Luke, Leia, and Solo plot line.
July 15th, 2006 at 2:03 pm
Patrick: Not wearing shorts is even worse than wearing them. Standing around in your underwear like that will just drive her crazy!
Annette: I accept your love. Fortunately, my wife is not the jealous type, so you won’t even need that Uzi!