Shouldn’t writers say thank you?
My friend and fellow author Barry Lyga and I were discussing this last night. Recently he and I both had the chance to do a kindness for another writer, and neither of us ever got a thank you.
It’s not like we did our particular nice things just because we wanted to be all gushed over, but it did strike both of us as a little . . . cold never to hear from that person again. I think it goes back to Writer’s Karma–we all benefit when we treat each other humanely and well. (And by the way, the writer I wrote about in that post, Maria V. Snyder, is not at all the person I’m talking about. Maria couldn’t have been more gracious. She even promised to send me chocolate, but as we all know, I’m over that now. Thanks anyway, Maria!)
Today while I was wandering around some of my favorite websites, I came across this happy tale. Now that’s what I’m talking about.
People, we’re all people. We all get that special glow when someone recognizes and appreciates us. What’s wrong with sending a thank you note or a box of sweets or offering to take your favorite book seller out for a beer? Does it make you look bad somehow to admit that someone did you a kindness? Or is it just too much trouble?
During my book auction last spring, there were three editors bidding on my novel. I could only choose one (and Michelle, I am VERY happy with my choice). In the weeks after the auction, I received the nicest notes from both of the other editors–and both notes were handwritten. Those were busy New York editors taking the time to write to an author they weren’t even working with. Their attitude could have been “Your loss, sucka,” but they did something far classier and finer. Do you think that made a huge impression on me? You bet. Will I always think well of them? Absolutely.
So if you’re in a position some time in the future to think, “Wow, that person just wrote a great review of my book, ” or “I really learned a lot from that speaker at the conference,” don’t be such a big shot that you can’t sit down and pen a note or send an e-mail. You don’t have to send cupcakes or chocolate–an out loud “thank you” can be enough.
In the meantime, Barry and I and so many others will continue spreading joy throughout the writing world, helping our fellow man and woman. And if we happen to save your baby from the charging rhino, then just know it’s all in a day’s work. A simple thank you will do.
Technorati Tags: Writing, Publishing, Reading, Books, Karma
I have to admit, thank you notes and such fall right into my weak spot of social graces, just like reasonable tipping.
I would have over-tipped the tour guide who left people behind and lectured on tipping. But, then I would have done that to be obnoxious. I’m naturally suspicious. I suspect the two left behind were actors to scare the rest of you into being on time.
Your example of a presenter at a conference – I would never send a thank you unless I sat and spoke with them at lunch. Even then, I feel it is sort of a little like stalking them, wanting to be their friend, when they already have enough friends.
Do you tip the furniture delivery people or do you just hire a couple of 18-21 year olds from the local college to cheer them on in bikinis? I never know what’s appropriate.
Oh, my gosh, have you hit a nerve.
I HATE tipping situations. I never know what to do, either. I avoid those situations whenever I can, just because I start to sweat. I’ll park blocks away rather than use a valet.
And I’m so inconsistent. I either overtip or don’t tip at all (like with delivery people).
As for thank you notes, I agree you don’t want to be a stalker, but what’s wrong with going on some conference speaker’s website, finding his or her e-mail address, and sending a quick, “Thanks, loved your talk”? People like to know when they’ve done well and made a difference. Even people who do a lot of public speaking still get nervous and wonder if anyone liked what they said. Be a human and just give someone an “atta boy.”
But for sure if you’ve sat down with someone and shared some of their time, they deserve an e-mail. If what someone said or did mattered to you, why not be in the habit of saying so?
Robin,
In the spirit of your blog’s topic today, I would just like to say “thank you” to you for your interesting topics that I love reading daily; and to Patrick and his ever-enjoyable witticisms, to Annette for her intellectually delicious commentary about everything; to B.J. for her ever-provocative responses; and to all of the other commenting writers that you receive on your blog page. I am entertained daily, and I appreciate the fact that you have such interesting commentary. So, thank you all for breaking up my boring day of Nevada law with your utterly creative thoughts! Too much? I can’t help it you inspired me, Robin!
This guy who manages a pizza place across the street from my work always gives me sodas for free or for cheaper than he should. When I told a co-worker about it today she said he does the same thing for her, too, and we’re pretty sure he does it just to make us smile, which it obviously does.
That was my favorite thing about working at Bookman’s – (don’t tell but…) when you’re trained on the register, one of the things drilled into your head is to give discounts often. If someone’s really spunky, give ‘em a discount. If someone’s having a really crap day, give ‘em a discount. If someone is really super cool and awesome, give them their stuff for free! I loved being able to make so many people’s day just by doing my job! It was so nice to see the look on people’s faces, especially when I wouldn’t tell them I was giving a discount, just sneak it in, and when they’d go to pay they’d realize their stuff was 25% off and give me that look your dog gives you when it doesn’t understand, and then I’d say ‘I gave you a discount because blah blah blah’ and they’d get all happy like the dog when you ask if it wants to go for a walk? and it runs to the door so fast you would think the house was on fire.
Wow, that was long an rambling…sorry. But yea man, nothing like random acts of kindness to get someone feelin’ good about life.
Wow, Carolyn, thank you! What a nice thing to write!
And Lizzie, love that idea. Thanks for sharing (we won’t tell).
I’d like to thank Robin and everyone who reads or comments here, too. I’m always entertained and frequently I learn something new, like finding out Nevada *has* laws. Who knew?
Don’t know if I can deal with the sincerity, Patrick. You’re scaring me!
Carolyn, you are very welcome, though I gotta say you have just tossed a spanner into my self image. Ever-provocative? Wow. And here I thought I was sensible, and, dare I say it, normal, and that the rest of you were bonkers.
first, i worked my way through college as a waitress so my recommendation–ALWAYS TIP.
second, lizzie you are so right as to how a simple little kindess or something pleasantly unexpected can have such a profoundly positive affect.
third, i too love the blog. not just as a handy opportunity to rant, which it certainly is, and a convenient forum to possibly bend others to my will, but a great way to unwind, and like patrick, learn new things or new ways of looking at old ones. it’s plain fun. the subtle yet undeniably REAL influence of the blog was fully realized last night when i rented and watched (drum roll, full-on admission against possible self-interest)–”the princess diaries”. of course, as all of you already know, it was adorable. also rented “adaptation” (on lizzie’s recommendation), realizing five minutes in that i’d already seen (and enjoyed) it–but again, in deference to the blog i will henceforth always remember any meryl streep movie i see.
I’ve made valued friends and contacts by sending a simple thank you via email.
My politeness is not a motivated by what I might get back in return. I think it’s important to let others know you appreciate them and their contributions.
Great post, Robin.
Hey, Heather, nice to see you on the blog! Everyone go check out Heather’s site. Today’s issue is why she (and we) love sitting in Barnes & Noble.
Well, you’re being oblique about it, but I know who and what you’re talking about. And, yeah, if you or I were in that situation and someone did for/to us what we did for/to Person X, we would at least shoot off an e-mail saying, “Thanks!”
Which takes no time at all and is totally the polite thing to do. Weird.