The Devil Wears Prada wish list
[Thank you for all of your movie suggestions yesterday. I've put them on a list which I'm going to enjoy working down.
Ended up renting The Devil Wears Prada, and I still feel the way I did when I saw it in the theater last year, so I'm reposting my original post on it. Have fun, send me your answers, I'm going hiking today, but I'll post them all when I get back. I love this game so much. Hope you will, too.]
The Devil Wears Prada wish list:
And I am not talking about clothes.
I’m talking about all the things Miranda’s first and second assistants get and do for her. Like finding her a perfectly-cooked steak at ten in the morning. And keeping the Starbucks ever-flowing. And getting a copy of the latest Harry Potter before it’s even published.
Once you start thinking that way, the possibilities abound:
1. Someone to do the Starbucks run in the morning so I can keep working.
2. Someone to grocery shop for me, since it is one of my most hated tasks. That and ironing.
3. Someone to cook for me, not because I mind cooking so much, but because sometimes (like for the past year) I can’t think of what to make, so we end up having the same thing over and over. I’d love someone to say, “I know–let’s have chicken pot pie tonight!†and to then go shop for all the ingredients and make it. I’d love to come out of my office at dinner time, have the whole gourmet meal (yes, chicken pot pie is gourmet) waiting for me, then go back to work while someone else loads the dishwasher.
4. Someone to do what Miranda’s assistants do at that party–stand next to me, whispering in my ear the names of the people coming toward me. That would save a lot of embarrassment.
5. Someone to handle on a moment’s notice every time-eating errand that comes up during the day, from filling the car with gas to going to the post office to taking the car to the shop.
I’m sure I’m not thinking big enough, but those items are a start. The vision of just getting to do the fun stuff–walking the dogs, reading the paper, eating my oatmeal–then turning everything else over to some wonderfully competent person so I can get down to work in the morning sounds heavenly.
I was at a writers conference last year where we played a game meant to duplicate what might happen in our writing careers. And it got to the point that every time you got the card that began, “You’re a big-time writer . . .†you’d shout out, “No! No, I’m not!†Because everything that followed that opening phrase was always bad.
“You’re a big-time writer. You decide you need a Ferrari to show your success. Deduct X amount from your reserves.â€
“You’re a big-time writer. You decide to remodel your kitchen. Deduct $40,000 from your reserves, and 4 months from your writing schedule.â€
And so on.
One of the doomed cards was, “You’re a big-time writer. You decide to hire an assistant.†And the writers who drew that one went on to lose more and more money each month because their assistant’s salary did not equal greater production of books. Therefore, no extra income, just extra expense.
My friend and fellow writer Barry Lyga was at that conference with me (Patrick was too, by the way), and every now and then if one of us starts talking a little too foolishly about what we’d like to spend money on, all it takes is the other person saying, “You’re a big-time writer.†Stops us dead cold. It really takes the joy out of thinking one day I might hire a personal chef to make the morning oatmeal.
But the rest of you are free to dream. If you had an assistant or two, what would their tasks be?
Technorati Tags: The Devil Wears Prada, Writing, Publishing, You’re A Big-Time Writer
April 22nd, 2007 at 6:46 am
That sounds like a fun conference!
I would have my assistant fill out all the paperwork that was at that conference.
April 22nd, 2007 at 7:21 am
Everyone should know that Patrick was not only a player in that game, but he totally kicked all of our butts at it. He ended up writing all these blockbuster novels, earning millions and millions, while at the same time keeping his expenses the lowest of anyone. Our hero.
April 22nd, 2007 at 7:30 am
Two of my daily tasks that I would gladly turn over to someone else are picking up the dog ’stuff’ in the yard and making school lunches.
Robin, I’ll trade you something for grocery shopping. I actually like to grocery shop, make my list, get my coupons ready, and I cruise the aisles and then I get to stand in line where all kinds of strangers tell me their deepest secrets.
April 22nd, 2007 at 8:12 am
My assistant would have to be on phone duty-by that I mean,be the one to actually answer it and see if I really need to take the call. I’m not a big phone talker to begin with and I HATE it when I’m in the middle of something when the bloody thing rings.
My assistant would also have to keep tabs on the cell phone because whenever my mom tries to call me when I’m out and about with it,I can never hear it ring.
Also,sometimes in my house,we get into these”Well,what do YOU want for dinner?” conversations and an assistant would be handy in settling that debate.
April 22nd, 2007 at 9:17 am
I want an assistant much like Queen Latifa (in fact, I’ll just take her. I like her) in “Stranger Than Fiction.” She doesn’t do anything except tell you to get off your butt and do some writing.
April 22nd, 2007 at 9:28 am
Ironing? IRONING?
My friend Laurie, who has similar sensibilities to mine, told me a funny (true) story. She and her husband had a wedding to go to, and her “nice” dress had been shoved in the back of the closet since it was one of the least worn pieces of clothing she owns (it can’t be worn refinishing antique furniture or mucking out horse stalls.) So she decided to iron it to make it look better. She had to find the iron buried in the back of a closet somewhere and had to dig the ironing board out of the basement. As she was setting up the ironing board, her 12 year old daughter walked in the room and asked, “Mommy, what’s that?”
Now, to the game. I’m a big time web designer . . . oh hell, PLEASE don’t make me go there! I like my life SIMPLE. I don’t WANT to have to spend energy on saving receipts to have enough write offs, or to hire an accountant (who I then have to produce PAPERWORK for . . . ugh!) or to have to deal with corporate weenies or people who judge people by the type of car they drive (I like my junker, thank you very much!) or clothes they wear (vintage all the way, babe, no new threads for this diva!) So I guess my biggest wish would be for things to stay simple . . .
April 22nd, 2007 at 11:58 am
Oh! First of all, to organize the home office and set the bills out in proper order so they actually get paid.
Second, to do the grocery shopping. I used to be a grocery addict, but now I go once a month at most. Detest it. Don’t know what changed.
Third, to walk the dog.
Fourth, to give me scalp massages. So I would probably need an assistant with some massage experience.
April 22nd, 2007 at 2:45 pm
What a great idea! Today, I’d like my assistant to fill out my visa for the UK. In addition to fielding all that horrible bureaucratic language they can search through my files for the necessary supporting documentation. (I promise my birth certificate is in there somewhere, assistant).
I love your number 4 item, Robin! Especially if they added where the person was from, eg: “Suzy. Fellow student”.
April 22nd, 2007 at 4:38 pm
Well, I like to think of every service I hire as a servant already, such as my hair stylist or my personal chefs who happen to work at Longhorn Steakhouse or Olive Garden.(Actually, I’m considering firing my Olive Garden chef since he got rid of the three meat ravioli.)
If I hired fulltime employees, it would be a yard/pool person and a housekeeper/cook. I don’t mind doing anything, if I didn’t have better things to be doing. And I think the housekeeper/cook should be British and male.
April 22nd, 2007 at 6:13 pm
Deborah, I will trade you poop scooping for grocery shopping. I’m so up for that. My attorney will be contacting you with an agreement.
Lady T, ditto that point about someone else settling the “well what do you want?” debate. Ugh. Please someone take over.
Kelly, I laughed so hard at the idea that the publisher would send someone to make sure the book got finished. But if they were going to send anyone, yeah, make it Queen L. Love her so much. Have you seen her in Holiday? (Not the recent chick flick with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet, but the one from a few years ago starring Queen Latifah.) If not, check it out–a great comfort movie for a Saturday.
BJ, I can see you would have given Patrick a run for it in the Game. Earn oodles, spend nuthin’–that’s how it’s done.
Katie, I will walk your dog. I love that job. The others–ugh. I’m with you.
Emma, wouldn’t it be great to turn over all paperwork of any kind to someone else? Applications, registrations, etc. So worth whatever money someone wants to charge to look for your supporting docs, just like you said.
And Patrick, you really do need a British butler. It totally fits your image, and it would make you lose the Game next time around. Sweet.
April 22nd, 2007 at 7:07 pm
With the cake I was making?
You really have to see the Thomas Crowne Affair
I think the line was something like -
“The guy just capsized a hundred thousand dollar boat because he wanted to see the splash.”
And you’re discounting my freaky luck factor. I win everything!