The Year of Independent Thinking
I’m such a follower. I know this about myself. There’s a theory in dog psychology that says if a dog is licking another dog’s face, he’s looking for guidance. I lick a lot of faces. Somehow I’m always willing to believe someone else knows better than I do about just about anything.
I have this push me-pull me relationship with authority. On the one hand, I bitterly resent being bossed around. On the other hand, lick, lick.
When the towers fell, a lot of people were killed because they believed the message being broadcast over the office intercom: “Everything is fine. Go back to your desks.” That’s become a kind of code between my husband and me. When he notices me blindly following someone else’s lead, all he has to say is, “Go back to your desks” to snap me out of it. At least temporarily.
All this came to mind again a few days ago when I heard a report on NPR about some of the interesting psychology experiments being conducted these days. One involved having the test subjects in one room, pressing a button to administer shocks to the unseen person in the next room. That shockee was really an actor paid to scream at different levels. The test subject would be told the voltage of the shock being sent each time, the actor would scream accordingly, and finally, as the shock went past human survival limits, the actor would just be silent. He had died.
What the researchers found was that even if a test subject was uncomfortable administering shocks and hearing the person scream, all the researcher had to say was, “The test requires you to continue,” and the subject would. That’s me. I think. I can easily believe I would have shocked and shocked away as long as someone told me I was supposed to.
I’m not proud to admit all this, but the truth is the truth.
So I’ve been mulling that over this past week, analyzing my dissatisfaction with my own sheep-like behavior. I’m tired of it. I don’t think it serves me. I think it teaches me to stop using my own brain and intuition, and that’s not the direction I want my evolution to go.
So I’ve decided that 2008 is going to be the Year of Independent Thinking for me. I’m not sure all the ways that will develop, but I do know I’m going to constantly remind myself of it. Every time I have to make a decision, I’ll whisper, “The Year of Independent Thinking” and see where that gets me. I want to keep my tongue to myself for the next twelve months, and stop licking at strangers and friends and older brothers and everyone else I think has it all figured out.
Not that I won’t pay attention to the many teachers who come my way, but it’s a question of degrees: I can listen, analyze, make my own determination based on the facts and my own gut. Thought I’d give that a try for a change.
And right in time, someone sent me this article from the New York Times. Maybe we all need to shake up our thinking a little bit, huh? Stop acting like we know what we know and have nothing else to learn.
Anyone else feel like taking on this experiment with me? Anyone else have this problem?
Technorati Tags: Independence Year
December 31st, 2007 at 7:44 am
Wow.
This is a little funny, since I feel like I look up to YOU like that.
In the writing world I feel incredibly young and dumb sometimes. I find myself craving this external validation so much that it makes me sick. Here’s to being lead dog, BFF. Otherwise, as they say in Alaska, the view never changes!
ps - and just for the record: I do NOT believe that you could go on with the test. The minute you heard someone else in pain, you’d be across the divider, in the other room, seeing what’s wrong. Believe that about yourself because it’s true.
December 31st, 2007 at 7:57 am
Yap. Yap. What TadMack said.
If you were any more independent, you’d be your own country, Robin.
December 31st, 2007 at 8:29 am
I have the opposite problem because as soon as someone tells me I should do something, my instinct is to absolutely not do whatever that person just said, to the point where I sometimes fail to notice that the person making the suggestion is right. I’m always trying to work on that, but, still, I can only encourage independent thinking. It’s part of living life deliberately, like what you’ve done over the last few months, Robin, making sure you have time for your writing and hiring the dog whisperer to work with you and Bear and that kind of thing. If further independent thinking leads to the formation of Robinland, as Sara suggests, I’ll totally come and visit.
December 31st, 2007 at 9:54 am
I’ll try this, too. Great idea for the New Year.
December 31st, 2007 at 12:03 pm
I saw that same news show. It was shocking. For the record, I agree with everyone else. There is no way you’d be following about on this one. I don’t see follower written on your forehead on this one.
Though I like The Year of Independent Thinking…sounds like a great title for a book, Robin.
Happy New Year!
December 31st, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Thank you to those of you who say I would not shock a person to death, even if someone in charge told me to. I would like to think the same of myself. So let’s.
TadMack, I’m really flattered that you would look up to me for any reason at all, but let me just point out what I always think must be obvious to everyone, based on my many confessions: I’m just trying to figure it all out, just like the rest of you, and sometimes I feel like I have so far to go, I’ll never ever be bored with my life. Always something to work on. But thank you, BFF. You’re a doll.
Sara, that’s the funniest thing anyone has ever said about me. Can I put that on a coffee mug?
Adrienne, I need to hang out with you! Teach me how to be that ornery. Although perfection probably lies somewhere between our two extremes. But yeah, generally some independent thinking is the right direction for me to be heading toward. Like today–did I care that I was having oatmeal at 11:30, or that I’m not going to catch up on all my bookkeeping by the end of the year, or that I didn’t clean my office the way I said I would? Nope. I’ve had fun doing exactly what I wanted.
Jessica, nice to see you on the blog! Hope to see you playing with us in 2008!
Vivian, thanks for the vote of confidence. And Happy New Year to you, too! (And all of you!)
December 31st, 2007 at 7:06 pm
Robin, you definitely would not be doing the shocking. I fervently believe that I wouldn’t either. Here’s something important to remember as you embark on this year of independent thinking: the majority of people outside of your close loved ones (and your blogosphere friends who are scattered far and wide but still love you) will not give you praise or even be grateful for your independent thinking. In fact, their reactions will often be the opposite. I discovered this the hard way in school when as an outcast myself I would stick up for someone else and then be hounded for it for ages afterward. Part of me expected that like in the books, there would be a new world order in which others would say, “Wow, she really stood up for something! Let’s oust the bullies and be brave like her.”
Nope, most of the time it didn’t happen. It’s always a real downer to have experiences that are more like YA novels than children’s books. It doesn’t mean that one should shirk from doing the right thing. I would have liked Cormier’s The Chocolate War to have gone the distance a bit beyond the immediacy of Jerry Renaults’ apparent failure to “disturb the universe” with his resistance to selling the school chocolates.
Maybe we should resist selling the chocolates, but we can still give them away! Thank you for all that you do. We look up to you, and we are here for you.
December 31st, 2007 at 9:57 pm
I enjoy being independent. It’s lonely at times, but I’d rather lead than follow.
January 1st, 2008 at 6:59 am
Robin - I’d like to point out I’m not a cheek kisser. I’d definitely like to avoid having my face licked next time I run in to you.
Adrienne - Don’t make me a stawberry cheese cake or key lime pie.
January 1st, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Crafty, Patrick, but not crafty enough. I occasionally catch my loved ones trying this same sort of trick. I’m that sadly predictable.
January 1st, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Alkelda, I appreciate you sharing your personal experiences with independent thinking (and behaving). I’m sure you’re right–some people do feel threatened by it, and react harshly. It takes a lot of bravery to do what you did in school–I really admire you for that! Even if it doesn’t feel like anyone appreciates you for sticking to your values, I hope you’ve kept on. The world needs more examples of kindness–we have plenty of the other side.
Little Willow, bravo to you, too, for putting up with potential loneliness in exchange for following your heart. Again, we all need more examples of that.
Adrienne, good for you. The Space Lord can be so tricky.
Patrick, I promise I will never lick your face. But it’s good you brought that up–you never know.
January 1st, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Adrienne, my plan is working to perfection because I really wanted a chocolate mousse cake.
I would shock people. I might not even wait for them to tell me to continue the test. If they are dumb enough to let someone shock them, they certainly deserve it. How’s that for independent thought?
January 1st, 2008 at 8:52 pm
What a great inspirational message to start the new year. I’m still trying to recover from an emotional onslaught of relations to frame my thoughts so well, so let’s say for now it’s my Year of No Plastic Spoons at Work.
January 2nd, 2008 at 7:25 am
Patrick, LOL!
Mother Reader — I love your Year of No Plastic Spoons at Work! A good friend of mine brought china dishes for her lunch each day and I thought that was awesome. Total self-care.
Robin, you come across to me as totally independent, so I can’t wait to see what the next year brings for you as you ratchett it to a higher level!
January 2nd, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I think I would have kept shocking to. I think if i actually saw the person i might not have kept going, but since i didn’t see the person I don’t think i would have cared because so much theses days is faked, or scripted. I would have to see for my own eyes that someone is being hurt. My friends call me the independant one of our little group, but I’d still follow what other people were telling me to do in this situation. I think most people follow instructions word for word because that is what is driled into us since before we even went to school.
January 4th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
What a wonderful aim. I’m with the rest of the camp (guess I’ve got some follower in me, too!!) in firmly believing you wouldn’t keep shocking those invisible subjects. How can someone who manages to work in “I want to keep my tongue to myself for the next twelve months” and still sound reasonable and insightful, be a sheep? Nope. I don’t believe it!
At the risk of sounding like the Californian that I am–I’m personally going to be trying a variation on your goal, which is to respect and honor my own feelings a little more than I currently do. That is, I want to worry a little less about whether my reactions or feelings are selfish or “wrong” or whatever and try to be more patient with myself in general. I tend to be very impatient with myself, especially with respect to my writing and other creative work–and that’s usually a surefire road to creative blockage!
January 5th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
a. fortis, I really, REALLY like the idea of respecting and honoring your feelings more than you do right now. May I please join you on that quest? I love everything you said in that second paragraph. I’m totally copying you (even though I have, indeed, made an independent choice to do that–it’s just that when you’re right, you’re right). Thanks!
Daflufster, you make a good point about schools drilling this sort of behavior into us. Guess we all still need to find that balance between going with the flow so we don’t get in trouble or create too much chaos around us, and making our own independent decisions when what the group wants is wrong. And it’s not always obvious which side to take in that!
Laura, thank you. And don’t you love your friend’s deal with the fancy china at lunch? She needs to start joining us on the Friday List.
Mother Reader, I fully support your campaign to rid your lunches of plastic spoons. You’re an elegant, grown up lady, and you deserve real utensils and even china dishes. Bust out.
Patrick, I hoped the Space Lord was more humane than that. Sigh. Our universe is in trouble . . .