Fiction author Robin Brande talks about writing, reading, and other vital matters

Hi, there. Working on what I believe to be my final, final, final (pre-galley proofs) final, final edits to the next book. Please, please, please. Yes, I agree that one certain character is despicable and that it’s clear I can’t stand anything about him, but that yes, it would be better for the book if I didn’t show so much disdain for him from the very first moment we hear his name. Sigh. And yes, it’s true that what I said on page 94 completely contradicts what I said on page 96. Damn it. And yeah, there’s that part where I knew it wasn’t quite right, but I thought I could skate, but I have the best editor in the world and so of course she caught it. Damn it, damn it.

Anyway, thought I’d just throw out there a short list of the things I find are necessary during these final, horrible stages of a book that I still love even though sometimes the thought of having to get in there and look at it again and tweak it even a semi-smidge–again–sometimes makes me want to cry. But I will be strong. Because I’m a professional, and editing is like sweeping up after the parade. Must be done.

Anyway. Things needed:

1. Endless vegan peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies–so many that I think I have a condition now where my right foot goes numb with pain after about the seventh cookie in a three-hour period of time. As if there’s a nerve in there that objects to having too many cookies. Come on! Be a trooper! Get with the program! It’s editing time!

2. Round-the-clock access to political blogs and news websites so I can obsessively check the status of the campaign and really any campaign that might be going on right now, including the race for deputy sheriff in Macon, Missouri. Because you can’t just sit here and edit, for heaven’s sake.

3. Lots and lots of carbs–potatoes, corn, tortillas, bread, cookies, cookies, big hulking slabs of vegan chocolate cake (it’s vegan! It’s good for you!), more bread, sheets of paper, etc. And a fiber drink in the morning just to make sure.

4. Humorous videos, pictures of kitties, a brief break a little while ago to watch Drillbit Taylor with my niece and nephew (the pinky? Did you see that? Did I need to see that?)

5. A DVR so I can record important life-changing shows like the finale of Project Runway last night (SO disagree with who won) and my new favorite show You Are What You Eat on BBC America, where this woman goes into people’s homes and berates them for being ginormous and throws away all their chocolate and white bread and forces them to get enemas (you think I’m kidding, but I’m not), and after eight weeks of eating nothing but fruits and vegetables and grains and beans, the people are all slim and glowing and have the most excellent poops. Seriously, that’s what happens every single show. And it’s on four times a day. I can’t get enough of it.

6. Dogs who come in here right about now every day and lie at my feet whining, or take a more aggressive approach by bumping my hand from the keyboard over and over until I finally pull myself away and take them for a walk. Oh, yeah, that’s what sky looks like.

Just a short list, but the dogs really do need to be walked. My loaner Lab is going home next week (sniff!) and I want to make sure I walk her legs off before she leaves so she’ll remember that this is where she gets two excellent meals a day and two long walks, and where the people let you sleep on the bed even if it means their own butts are hanging off the edge into space. And maybe if she remembers that, she’ll come back.

Gotta fly, but just remember, you writers and aspiring writers out there, it’s times like these that separate the novelists from the novelists with finished books that go into production and end up on shelves in libraries and bookstores and people’s homes. Because you can’t say you’re finished with your book until you’ve stuffed your gob with enough cookies to inflame the nerves in your legs, and you’ve gone over EVERY FREAKIN’ WORD in your manuscript about eight million and forty-nine times, and yet still–still!–you’re going to miss something and some reader out there is going to call you on it, and that’s why we writers lie awake at night wondering, “Did I write ‘your’ or ‘you’re’ there? And did I fix that part with the thing that I realized after I wrote it should have happened in February instead of June? Damn it, damn it!”

Yes, dogs, we’re going. Off to see some sky.

Posted on Thursday, October 16th, 2008 at 5:21 pm under Writing . Subscribe to responses: RSS 2.0 Comment Feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.